Polyamorous relationships – concept, signs, rules and restrictions


Relationships of this format have both pluses and minuses. And for jealous and suspicious individuals, polyamory is simply contraindicated. So who needs a polyamorous relationship then?

The content of the article

What is it anyway?

Polyamory for polyamors is a philosophy. A special approach to life and relationships, in which you make a conscious choice and bear responsibility for it. It’s not about cheating and lying. Polyamorous relationships are honest relationships.

Choosing polyamory, a person chooses to reject social norms that dictate rules and restrictions. Polyamor chooses how many partners he wants to be associated with at the same time.

Polyamorous can have open intimate or romantic relationships with multiple people at once. Sexual orientation does not matter – both heterosexual men and women, as well as bisexuals, gays, lesbians, etc. can be polyamorous.

Polyamory differs from open relationships in the presence of sexual and romantic intimacy between partners. It has nothing to do with cheating.

Polyamorous relationships can be hierarchical (relationships with some partner take precedence over all others) and equal. Partners can also be primary and secondary:

  • Primary Partner

This could be the person the polyamorous is living with, raising children with, or even planning marriage.

  • Secondary partner

Polyamor is still closely connected with this person, but does not share living space and budget with him, for example.

The main difference between polyamorous relationships and any other non-monogamous unions is consent and well-established communication. Appearances and passwords are not needed, no one needs to be hidden in the closet.

Rules and restrictions

Even polyamorous relationships have their own limits and quirks. Let’s start with marriage.

Partners in a polyamorous relationship may well be married.

And they may not be. They may even reject all these social norms and stereotypes regarding marriage.

Do not confuse polyamory with swinging. Yes, polyamorous people can have casual sexual encounters with people in other couples, but it’s not, shall we say, permanent.

Polyamorous relationships are not free (open) relationships. Yes, they have something in common, but still you should not mix everything in one heap. Polyamory is about honesty, openness and dialogue. An open relationship is, sorry for the tautology, freedom and the absence of obligations. Partners in an open relationship are free to have sex with whoever they want without accountability to each other (although this is also possible in a polyamorous relationship).

To describe swing, open relationships, and polyamory, psychology uses the umbrella term “consensual non-monogamy.” According to studies, 20% of Americans have at least once tasted a relationship of this format.

How to start a conversation?

If you want to know how a new partner feels about polyamory, ask the following questions:

  • “Have you ever heard of a polyamorous relationship? Would you like to try this?”
  • “Before our relationship develops into something serious, I want to state frankly that I am not looking for a monogamous relationship. Are you satisfied with this format?
  • How do you feel about commitment in a relationship? Are open relationships acceptable to you?”

If monogamy is not about you at all, warn the new partner in advance so that everything goes without scandals, insults and unpleasant surprises. Reading this article and realizing that you can never be in a polyamorous relationship? Then do not entertain yourself with illusions and do not try to re-educate a person who, while still on the shore, warns you about his attitude towards polygamy.

Types of Polyamorous Relationships

Monogamous relationships are limited by definition, while polyamorous relationships take many forms and can change over time. Therefore, we often deal with the following types of polyamorous relationships:

Relationships between three people. And they don’t have to date each other. One of the members of the triad can meet with two other members at once.

  • “Quadrangular”

A polyamorous relationship involving four people. They are often the result of two couples meeting. All four partners may be in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with each other.

Polyamour, his main partner, secondary partner of the main partner, primary partner of the main partner and so on – there are no restrictions as such.

In English, the term “kitchen table polyamory” is used to describe this type of polyamory. That is, these are relationships in which partners know each other well enough and gather around the kitchen table for food.

  • Parallel polyamory

Polyamorous people know about each other’s partners, but have little to no contact with them.

  • solo polyamory

Polyamor does not want to marry any of his partners, share living space and budget with them.

Main myth

Polyamers are considered to be people obsessed with sex. Like, they are so sexually preoccupied that they cannot stop at one person.

Polyamorous themselves reject this idea and argue that sexual addiction and polyamory have nothing to do with each other. An insatiable sexual appetite is not a defining characteristic of a polyamorous personality. Polyamorous people are not required to participate in group orgies and generally have an increased interest in sex.

Although people who tend to change partners frequently may be attracted to the polyamorous community.

The art of polyamory

In order for polyamorous relationships to be harmonious and bring pleasure to partners, you need to learn how to communicate with each other and set boundaries in advance.

Being in a polyamorous relationship and feeling satisfied is quite possible – this is confirmed by scientific studies. Scientists have found that people in consensual non-monogamous relationships and people in monogamous unions have similar levels of psychological well-being.

How to build a happy polyamorous relationship?

But like this:

  • It is necessary to discuss all the nuances and details. Will you exchange information about your sexual and romantic partners? How often will you spend time with each other? How much time will you devote to other partners? Will you hide the format of your relationship or are you ready to let your friends know? And so on.
  • Monogamous relationships are built on mutual respect and support. In polygamy, everything is exactly the same. Even if, for example, you do not like your partner’s metamor (a person with whom he has a relationship, and you do not have any contact), you should still respect his choice.

  • It is necessary to abandon competition and any manifestations of jealousy. There is no need to compare yourself with other people with whom your partner is in a relationship. Fighting for his attention, throwing tantrums and defiantly being offended is not about polyamory.
  • If jealousy still stretches its vile little hands towards you, do not try to swallow it or punish your partner with a silent game. Do you remember how important honesty and dialogue are in polyamory?
  • Learn to be sincerely happy for your partner when he is happy with other people.

Polyamorous relationships. Polyamory

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