A guest marriage is a union in which the spouses do not burden themselves with solving everyday issues. Despite the fact that the marriage is officially registered, the spouses prefer to live separately from each other. Issues of fidelity and distribution of parental responsibilities are resolved individually in each pair.
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This is not a temporary phenomenon – spouses live separately, not because circumstances develop that way. Guest marriage is a conscious choice.
How do people come to such a non-standard type of relationship? Often this is the second or third marriage for spouses. They have already tasted all the joys of a traditional marriage – children, loans, holidays with a large and (un) friendly family, the fading of feelings, everyday life, divorce. They have already played enough of “normality” and “standard”. Disappointed in marriage and no longer want a repeat of past experiences. They no longer need so much “intimacy and unity” – now they like freedom and independence. There is no more strength for altruism and sacrifice. Dedicate yourself to your husband and children? Well, no, I’d rather focus on myself! A man and a woman in such a marriage want to be each other’s partners rather than husband and wife.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of guest marriage? Get comfortable, we’ll find out now.
Benefits of a guest marriage
The three main advantages of such a union: convenience, freedom, and endless romance. All this makes the relationship almost perfect.
- It is very comfortable. You are the only owner in your house and you can do whatever you want. Scatter your socks, drink beer, forget about the weekly general cleaning. Sharing your life and personal space with another person can sometimes be very difficult. No matter how beloved he is. You need to negotiate, make concessions, be flexible and sensitive, be attentive to the desires and needs of another person. And still manage not to forget about yourself.
And you need to do this constantly. It is impossible to arrange everything perfectly once and for all. Life is a changeable thing. Who will mop the floor this time? When? What will the other person do during this time? A complete waste of energy. It is much easier to answer only for yourself.
- Independence. You’re wasting your time on yourself. Spouses in a guest marriage can allocate as much time as they like for both work and entertainment. If she wants to go to yoga after work, and not to the supermarket for groceries for dinner, she will do it with a clear conscience. And then – if she wants – she will look at the cinema. And she will not have to think about the fact that a hungry husband is waiting for her at home. Asking for a party with your friends? Here’s another! She will return home when she wants.
- Romance. Spouses in a guest marriage are not familiar with everyday life. Their whole life is a romantic movie. Dates, flowers, restaurants and weekends by the sea. In such a relationship, there is no all this everyday life inherent in traditional marriage.
Cons of guest marriage
This whole story with a guest marriage sounds tempting. But everything has its pros and cons.
- Loneliness. Defenders of a guest marriage scream about freedom, autonomy and other delights of such a union. But whatever one may say, there is no hiding from loneliness here. Yes, you have a loved one. But he is far away. For example, because after work he went to yoga and is not going to answer your calls.
- “Count only on yourself!” – this is the slogan of the guest marriage. But think carefully about it. Yes, you can live where you want and how you want. But in your luxurious apartment, no one will be waiting for you with a cup of tea. No one will park the car for you. And no one will throw out the trash except you. All responsibility lies on your shoulders. Of course, you can ask your spouse for help. But how nice it is to come home and get help and support just like that, without reminders and requests.
- Guest marriage is absolutely not about intimacy. Not about the acceptance of another person with all its advantages and disadvantages. In such a marriage, you know your partner only from one side. You simply do not have the opportunity to study it properly.
And besides, your family budget consists only of your earnings. Again, you have to rely only on yourself.
Who needs it?
Guest marriage is a great option for career-focused people. And on themselves.
Such a union is suitable for men and women who are afraid of intimacy. After all, the more we get closer to a person, the more vulnerable we become.
Any interaction with another person requires flexibility, the ability to compromise. Marriage is a team effort. There are people who are afraid of such responsibility. Or they just don’t need it. Guest marriage suits them much better than the traditional one.
It is impossible to say whether the guest marriage is bad or good. You have to taste it for yourself. For some it suits and for some it doesn’t. For example, anxious, morbidly jealous women who are terribly afraid of betrayal, such a union is clearly contraindicated. Although such women in an ordinary marriage can drive both themselves and their husbands crazy.
Rely on your feelings. Do you like it? Is it comfortable? How do you feel in such a union? If you have weighed everything and come to the conclusion that a guest marriage is exactly what you were looking for, go for it!
We are all different. We have different experience of relationships behind us. We grew up in different families and were taught different values. This is fine. The main thing is that both you and your partner feel comfortable.
PS Remember that if you are categorically against a guest marriage (or vice versa – you consider only this type of relationship to be the norm), and your partner has a different opinion, it will be difficult to reach a compromise. In this case, it is better not to deceive yourself and find that person who shares your views on marriage.