Psychologist’s advice on how to stop being jealous of a guy? When we are in a relationship and care about someone, we like to feel that the other person belongs to us. At best, the second half will feel guardianship, smoothed by tenderness. At worst, it will be seen as unhealthy, tedious, and potentially offensive. For most people, the perception of a person as belonging to them stems from the love for them, the closeness they share, and the important role people play in each other’s lives. However, overprotection almost always breeds jealousy.
How jealousy affects romantic relationships?
This feeling is contrary to the basic principles of building a trusting, healthy union. It is impossible to maintain a state of unconditional love and trusting relationships when jealousy weakens the ability, provoking the emergence of a variety of negative emotions. It is also impossible to be truly sincere when jealousy becomes a problem, as it causes tension in the relationship. Jealousy feeds distrust, and eventually it becomes difficult to tell the truth even to get rid of mere suspicions.
You can’t give your partner the freedom to live their own lives when you’re constantly jealous yourself. What’s more, you can’t really live your own life when you’re dealing with a jealous partner. Jealousy can penetrate into all spheres of life, making it difficult to enjoy all its manifestations. When jealousy comes to the fore in a relationship, neither side wins.
Normal jealousy is a sharp pain that anyone can usually deal with on their own. Unhealthy jealousy appears if a person begins to indulge this feeling and acts impulsively out of suspicion and insecurity. When insecurity in a relationship becomes total, jealousy can quickly escalate into paranoia and obsession, and in doing so, destroy the very relationship we are most afraid of losing.
People who are highly jealous or possessive often show signs of inadequacy or inferiority and tend to compare themselves to others. Jealousy, at its core, is a by-product of fear, fear of not being good enough, fear of loss. When this happens, the person may believe that something is threatening the relationship, and as a result it is impossible to distinguish between a natural need for protection and an irrational suspicion. In other words, it can be terrible.
However, the first time we see a partner get jealous, we may think she’s “cute” and think, “Wow, this person really loves me!” If it is healthy jealousy, these feelings will disappear without any problems and will not negatively affect the relationship. But it pays to be on the lookout for early signs of unhealthy behavior in a relationship, as it can exacerbate other negative factors.
However, there are good methods to help you stop being jealous.
Jealousy cannot be left unchecked. First of all, in order to understand how to stop being jealous, you need to be honest with yourself and your boyfriend. When you understand what your jealousy is based on, it will help develop relationships in the right way.
Be honest about how your jealousy affects relationships
If you ignore the problem, it still does not resolve itself. Instead of pretending that you’re not jealous or that your jealousy isn’t a problem, be honest. Assess your own feelings of insecurity and how it affects the relationship. This is not always easy to accept, but do not forget that normal relationships begin with this.
What does jealousy indicate?
Family psychologists recommend changing your point of view: treating jealousy not as a problem, but as a solution. This is an opportunity to learn something new about yourself. And you need to start by looking for reasons, with problems that your subconscious mind is trying to solve with the help of jealousy. If you’re jealous because your boyfriend broke trust, then that’s the real problem. If you are projecting your own insecurities onto your boyfriend, then you need to pay attention to this problem. If you’re jealous of your boyfriend’s success, maybe it’s all about unhealthy competition. The reasons can be very different, but using jealousy as a solution to real internal problems, you can eventually get rid of it.
Pay attention to your shortcomings
To stop being jealous of your boyfriend, start with how you perceive yourself. What makes you insecure and makes you jealous? Are you striving to be perfect? Or do you compare yourself to others? This list is not needed in order to finally be convinced of one’s own worthlessness, but in order to find a starting point for starting work on oneself and relationships.
Confidence is the key to getting rid of jealousy
Try making some lists. In one write down the reasons for jealousy, in the other – with what you can neutralize them (for example, uncertainty – confidence, distrust – faith). If you feel like a shadow of your boyfriend, write down all the qualities that attract him to you. If you keep trying to compare yourself to other people, ordinary people or celebrities, stop looking at their Instagram accounts for a while. When you stop seeing yourself as inferior, you can work on building self-confidence, which as it develops will replace jealousy.
Look into your past
Jealousy is often associated with wounds received in the past. If it’s an unresolved issue, like childhood trauma or a failed relationship, find a way to get the support you need to get through it. It could be the support of a best friend or professional help. Solving this problem can be an additional source of strength.
Be honest with a guy
If you are trying to fight your jealousy, it is unlikely that it has gone unnoticed. It is highly likely that he will gladly contribute to solving this problem. By striving for normal communication, you will not only work on relationships, it also means that you take responsibility for your behavior and do not mind if your boyfriend supports and helps you.
Use adequate skills to cope with difficulties
Defeating jealousy can be very difficult, especially if there are no other alternatives to building relationships. If the guy does not give you a reason to suspect him of something (that is, he does not deceive you), you yourself must curb your jealousy. Admit that you don’t really need it, you just got used to it. Take care of yourself more, take care of your physical, emotional and mental health. When you begin to pay more attention to different aspects of normal behavior, it becomes the norm and eventually replaces jealousy. Psychologist’s advice on how to stop being jealous of a guy?