Psychologist’s advice to married mistresses on how to get out of the triangle? All women want to be the only ones, not to share a man with someone. But what if you love someone who is already married? How to act? And what can this lead to? Is it possible to find happiness? Why does a man love you but live with his wife?
The role of the “mistress” in terms of psychology
For Men, the Mistress is perceived in a completely different category – she is a woman of celebration, Flash, with whom he is attracted. But most importantly, it is comfortable. If you want a holiday – just call. If you want quiet family happiness – unsubscribe that you will not come.
Men like a woman in the role of a mistress, because you do not need to build relationships with her in the full sense of ethnicity. It is not necessary to resolve problems so it is not possible to do so and avoid ignoring them. No one wants it on the other side Yes, he likes it, yes, he loves it. No one is not in the prior.
No one is not in the prior. And don’t blame the man. Remember what role you agree to – this is what you will get. If you agree to a second role, then this is the path to the self-destruction of your psychological integrity.
A man can put his wife in a bad light and blame Her for all her problems, tell unpleasant stories about her, unpleasant stories about her. You can enjoy stories because you feel better against the background of his wife.
Look at the situation with a critical eye. In the fact that in a relationship, problems are always to blame for both. But the man you love deftly shifts all responsibility from himself.
Think about it, is it good for you? Is that what you say on the subject of the day, what is the meaning of the word and what is not?
From the point of view of psychology:
- you get adrenaline, a sense of novelty, secrets – it’s like an endless “candy-bouquet period”;
- you may receive gifts or money – but this is only a sublimation of attention and feelings;
- you avoid real relationships – often married men are chosen by women who have an attachment injury and are afraid to build a strong union, get married, and communication with such men is a great opportunity for this;
- the mistress believes in the illusion that she is special, and this is very dangerous for her well-being – just as any wife believes that she will not be cheated on, so does the mistress believe that the man will choose her;
- there is a feeling of loneliness, especially during the holidays, in addition, you have to move away from friends and relatives from whom you hide your relationship.
Why men cheat, but do not leave the family?
A man Can find many reasons why he cannot get a divorce now: Children, Mortgage, the wife cannot find a job, Mom is Sick, and so on. And you, to some extent, understand him, because you love him.
No way to go, you can do it by yourself, do it by yourself. The more you believe in his promises, the more you waste your time.
What should every lover know?
If you have a problem with it, you will have to wait for it. After all, with your understanding, you reinforce his behavior. He knows that you can’t get away from him. And if you are there, then why should he change something?
People, even when they are very unhappy, cannot find the strength to leave their comfort zone, they get stuck in the familiar.
No other words, in the words your man is “stuck” – he is very comfortable and quite satisfied with him. You are near, you love him, his wife is also near, the children are happy, he is happy. And if he says that he is unhappy, but does nothing, then he is deceiving not only you but also himself.
A man does not go to his mistress, because:
- loves his wife and really wants to be with her;
- with the help of a mistress, he simply solves his problems: Increases self-esteem, satisfies the need for recognition, adoration, physical intimacy;
- connection on the side helps him get what he lacks in family relationships, but this does not mean that he is not satisfied with these relationships in general.
He left his wife. What’s next?
Remember, when husbands file for divorce, they do not come to where they feel good, but from where it is bad. And not the fact that to you. And it’s not even a fact that you will have a happy relationship. Possibly so that it is not in the street so that it is in the future.
Your relationship remained at the first stage when there are attention, gifts, dates, and unforgettable evenings. But he had a life together with his wife. And if he left her, there were a lot of problems. And that man does not have the skill to solve them.
Think about whether this situation will happen to you again. It is not excluded that you will also have domestic conflicts and misunderstandings. And the longevity of your relationship will depend on whether you know how to deal with it.
Men, leaving for their mistresses, often return to their wives. And not because the mistress turned out to be some kind of “not like that.” It just works with Effekt’s “expectation-reality”. While you were a mistress, your relationship was easy, full of passion, and aroused interest.
Starting a new relationship, a man expects to find himself in a charming fairy tale that lasted all the time while you had only one-time meetings, moreover, reinforced by a sense of adrenaline, secrets.
And then it turns out that all this is no more. There are ordinary relationships, ordinary everyday issues, talk about who will buy the bread, who will take out the trash. As high expectations collide with reality, there is a feeling of disappointment.
No way that it is possible to perform, that is, it is necessary to carry out the following tasks:
- you may feel guilty about destroying someone else’s family;
- problems with the ex-wife will begin – The husband feels this very guilt in front of her, therefore he continues to “participate” in her life and raising children;
- If a man has children, you will have to establish contact with them, and they will treat “Aunt who took their dad from them” badly;
- there will be condemnation from others – especially friends and relatives of a man;
- You will be haunted by a feeling of anxiety that you will be abandoned – and a man doesn’t need to find a mistress again, although the likelihood of this is high. He can just go back to his wife.
It happens often. The man rested with you, exhaled, moved away from old conflicts, gained resources, or rather, took them from you, and then began to miss his native and familiar wife. In addition, the guilt before her will make her soften, stop blaming her for all the problems.
His conscience will bite him. In the end, he will feel that he is doing the right thing, even noble, by returning to her. He will enjoy the thought that he has returned “on the right path”, this will amuse his Ego.
Thus, if you are wondering how to behave with a married man, the most correct answer is no way. The chance that you will find true happiness is not so great. It only seems so, because all your thoughts are in the future, and everything is fine there.
Focus your attention on today. Is everything good here too? Do you say “here and now”? Do you feel lonely or resentful? If yes, then maybe it’s time to reflect on your relationship and change something in your life.