Rebound relationship: does he really love me or is he playing with my feelings?
Are you in love with a man who just recently separated? And do you ask yourself: Does he really love me? Or am I just a rebound relationship for him, with which he wants to distract himself from the pain of separation? Here you can find out what the signs of a rebound relationship are and how best to deal with them.
What is a rebound relationship?
One speaks of a rebound relationship when one of the partners only enters into the current relationship to get over their ex-partner. Simply to be able to endure the bad feel better. So, a rebound relationship is an unconscious (or maybe even conscious) strategy for managing negative feelings after a breakup. Sometimes men who enter into a rebound relationship also want to make their ex jealous and show her how easy they are to take the breakup.
I experience the topic of rebound relationships again and again in my coaching sessions: She is newly in love with him. He recently broke up or was abandoned. She somehow feels more and more often that he doesn’t care enough about her. And now she’s afraid that he actually still has feelings for his ex, or isn’t over her yet and therefore doesn’t give the current relationship any real chance.
Rebound relationship: Caution, Danger of burns!
Rebound relationships are very dangerous for a partner who is seriously in love. They usually don’t last long and are emotionally very draining. No one likes to be used to make their ex jealous or to fill that inner void after a breakup. After a breakup, many people rush blindly into the next relationship because they simply don’t want to be alone.
When you’re heartbroken, it’s normal to do whatever you can to make yourself feel better. However, this should never be at the expense of other people who care about a relationship and who have genuine feelings.
Rebound Relationship: 7 Signs He Doesn’t Love You
Nobody likes being faked – especially not the feelings of true love. However, if this is the case, it is always better to find out as soon as possible and take the right consequences. So how do you know if you’re involuntarily stuck in a rebound relationship?
1. Signs of a rebound relationship: The old relationship just recently ended
If the relationship only ended a few days or weeks ago, then your doubts as to whether your counterpart is serious about you are justified. Because here the pain is still much too fresh.
Don’t get me wrong, there are of course different attachment styles. Some people can go straight from one relationship to another. This can work if that person closed with the old relationship a few weeks, months, or even years ago and now wants to make a fresh start. This is of course bitter for the old partner. Because he had no idea about all this and now feels betrayed. But there is also the other type of person who separates and stays alone for a long time until they find someone again. Both binding styles are perfectly ok.
Most of the time, however, when someone enters a rebound relationship, it’s the person who left. A person who wanted to stay and now has to deal with the separation.
2. Signs of a rebound relationship: He keeps talking about his ex
Ex here, ex there, ex there. He talks non-stop about his ex: where he was with her, what she did etc. It’s very exhausting and above all very strange. Because if you are newly in love, what is your ex-partner doing in the new relationship? Nothing. Exactly. He should be thinking about a future with you. However, if he keeps thinking about his ex, then he has something to process. In your heart, you already feel that this other woman still has a very high priority in his life and is probably even more important to him than you are. Of course, that doesn’t feel good for you. It is best to tell him very clearly that he should clarify all these things – with professional help and not within your relationship.
Many women who accept such treatment have very low self-esteem and simply submit. The good news is: This is a typical pattern that you can work on. You deserve to be number one for your man!
3. Signs of a rebound relationship: He never talks about the ex
Of course, it is very exhausting when he constantly talks about the ex. But at the other extreme, and another sign of a rebound relationship is when he never talks about her even though it’s only been a short time since the breakup. The balance would be healthy. Someone who has processed everything can talk about it. One to two times. He can tell you what happened and that’s it and he’s clearly over it. If he completely refuses to talk about the ex, that’s an extreme case. This is where your alarm bells should ring. Because why doesn’t someone want to talk about their ex? Well, because he’s not over it yet and because it hurts him. If that’s the case, you’re clearly in a rebound relationship.
4. Signs of a rebound relationship: He’s not opening-up
In a rebound relationship, a person who recently got out of a relationship quickly wants a partner again. He is urgently looking for a feeling of safety and security again. But he doesn’t open up. You have the feeling that somehow he is always closed and hiding something. You can’t get close to him emotionally. Especially when you’re in love, feelings shouldn’t be a problem. You should be in the honeymoon phase and floating on cloud 9 – unless of course you are in a rebound relationship and haven’t gotten over your ex-partner yet.
5. Signs of a rebound relationship: He’s trying to make his ex jealous of you
It may be that he is purposely taking you somewhere where she is too. This can get very uncomfortable. Or he takes pictures of you that he posts for her to see. Of course, that can also be a good sign. But when the relationship just ended, it’s weird. You’ve only recently met and basically, he can’t be sure that things will last between you at all. You kind of feel like it’s going too fast, and it is. These aren’t true feelings. So, the rebound relationship is just one method that he likes to show you off to get more attention from his ex.
6. Signs of a rebound relationship: The emotional connection is missing
It fits between you on a physical level. There is this very specific attraction. But you also feel that there is a lack of emotional connection between you. He may have sex with you, but he doesn’t cuddle. He kisses you wildly, but he doesn’t meet your eyes. That’s mixed signals, isn’t it? You have some sexual attraction but lack the emotional connection. It lacks the feeling and the heart. A typical sign of a rebound relationship.
7. Signs of a rebound relationship: He’s bitter all the time
One of the strongest signs of a rebound relationship is when someone constantly has an aura of sadness and resentment around them. The thing is, when you’re in love, you can’t be sad and bitter at the same time. That’s impossible. When we are in love, we are on cloud nine and everything is fine. After a breakup, what could be nicer than meeting someone who is a much better match? You are overjoyed and completely happy. When I’m sad, I think something’s wrong. That hurts the other.
Rebound relationship: What you can do now
When you’re in a rebound relationship, only distance helps. Unfortunately, no strategies can help here. Statistically, 90% of rebound relationships fail. The last 3 months on average. At 10% it works and the relationship develops further.
So what can you do? Give him space and time to process the breakup. Maybe he can get back to you at a later date – if you’re still single. This will protect your heart and you won’t get hurt again.