The statistics are relentless: more than half of families end up in divorce. This means that there are many mothers raising children alone. To them must be added those who, for some reason, gave birth to a child of all marriages. It does not matter, after an unsuccessful relationship or specifically “for yourself.” Most of these women enter into relationships, and even get married. This means that there are men who are not opposed to the fact that their woman can have a child from another. How are these relationships different?
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So, it turned out that the girl you met is not alone. Does it change anything? Of course. There is someone in her life for whom she is responsible. Who is more important to her than any man. This does not mean at all that she does not need a man. Needed, and how!
Of course, she was used to being responsible. Her duties towards the child include not only maternal, but also paternal. This does not mean at all that she is sleeping and sees how to outweigh all responsibility on someone. This means that sometimes she needs to be allowed to be just a woman. And it also means that she is quite vulnerable. It is hard for her to learn to trust and it is doubly hard to realize that she has been betrayed.
Therefore, it is worth thinking very carefully before starting a relationship. No, no, you don’t need to immediately try on the responsibilities of raising her child. You just need to clearly understand what you expect from your relationship and discuss with her. If you only need sex, it may very well be that she will not mind. She needs it too, so it doesn’t necessarily work out. There will be no unnecessary hopes and experiences with reproaches. There will only be sex. And, by the way, then acquaintance with her child certainly does not threaten. This is so, just in case the thought of children is scary.
If, however, the relationship
First of all, you need to get used to the idea that there are two of them, they are a family, with their own rules, customs and procedures. And she is the head of this family. Perhaps someday this will change, but immediately try to take the reins of government and responsibility is not worth it.
First, you can not calculate your own strength. It is not simple. In addition to the fact that you need to convince her that now she is not the main one, you will also have to convince the child of this, while at the same time trying to improve relations. Illogical, right? Therefore, it is better to do everything in order: first relationships are built, trust is won, and only then, if necessary, the reins of government are taken into hands. Three tasks in turn, and certainly not all at once.
Second, she may not be ready to hand over control to someone else. Especially if you have been alone for a long time or always. This is a very decisive step that takes time to make. You need to give her the opportunity to want to give responsibility for both of them.
At first, no matter how difficult it is, you need to obey the rules established by her. They are a family, there are two of them. You need to join their family, not break it.
This is exactly the case when there is no escape from the former. Legally, he is the father of the child, has every right to be present in their life, and therefore in your common one.
This has positive aspects: you can be alone, the material and moral responsibility for the child lies with him too, therefore, if you didn’t have your own children before, it’s not so scary to become a father.
The negative sides are quite obvious: this is another man with whom you will have to reckon with and, one way or another, interact. And yes, the child will definitely someday say: “But dad speaks differently!” And even if you’re right, he’ll believe his father. Humble yourself. Grow up and understand. Don’t try to argue, you’ll only ruin everything.
If there is no father or he is not involved in their lives, there will be no problems associated with him. There will be others. Now you are a father. With all the ensuing consequences. And remember that these two have already once remained useless to anyone, except for each other. Getting them to believe in you is a big responsibility.
Why all this?
It would seem: why do we need such a relationship? Why, besides a woman, do you need a child? Around full of free, young, childless. Everything is over, so, but if this is love, then no “others” already seem to exist. Even if common sense, friends and mom say it’s not. It doesn’t get any better and that’s it.
If a firm decision is made to be only with her and go through all the difficulties, then a big reward awaits: her experience taught her to value relationships and love. It is hardly possible with a young and inexperienced girl.
And one more bonus: you now have a son or daughter. You can probably play football with him, and building male relationships with an already grown child is sometimes easier than with a baby, especially if this is the first baby with whom you communicate in your life. And she is so similar to your beloved that you are simply amazed. And, it seems, touchingly begins to love you and tries to take care of you in an adult way. And you learn by the names of the Winx fairies. In general, it will be fun!
MOTHER – SINGLE SHAME or NORM? #SilenaSway_Silena Universe