Relationship and differences between love and sex. A look at love and sex determines the general attitude of a person towards fidelity, marriage, responsibility. If partners have different points of view on this issue, serious problems begin. But the main difficulty is that women’s and men’s considerations tend to be very different. What is the difference? Is it possible to create a strong relationship without an intimate connection? Where does a happy marriage begin – with love or with sex?
Relationship and differences between love and sex.
If we talk about the connection between these phenomena, then everything is ambiguous here. Ideally, they complement each other. Because of love, there is a need for physical contact. As one develops, the need for the other increases.
At the same time, love is partly dependent on sex. This explains why couples with different levels of libido often break up. If sex is a daily necessity for one partner, and a rare duty for another, the relationship will be problematic. Attempts to adapt to each other most often do not bring the expected results.
But it is not so difficult to separate these concepts:
- love – this is the need for affection, care, attention, creating a family. That is, it is a moral and spiritual category;
- sex – biological instinct, the desire to satisfy a physiological need. It is perceived as something temporary, but regularly occurring.
However, this is not the only point of view. Moreover, men and women tend to perceive the relationship of love and sex differently. It is also important to understand that these are generalized data, which, like any statistics, show averaged results. Exceptions are everywhere.
Love and sex in the understanding of women.
For women, these concepts are the same, as they need an emotional connection. Sex for them is one of many ways to express their feelings. If a girl decides to sleep with a guy, then she at least likes him. Moreover, she expects him to love her back. If a woman is sure that a man is indifferent to her, then she:
- or refuse intimacy, because it still does not receive emotional feedback,
- or agree, but in the hope that the partner’s opinion will change and he will pay attention to her.
This attitude to the topic will explain why women’s infidelity is longer than men’s. If a girl cheats, then she is in love with her lover, or at least receives a “dose” of attention from him, energy replenishment, which she lacks in marriage. This is why women’s infidelity is more often explained by a bad relationship with a husband or a new love, and not by simple dissatisfaction in sex.
Especially “lucky” women with a good imagination. This quality allows them to imagine a completely different man in bed with them, and not physically change or require emotional feedback from someone who already has.
Relationship and differences between love and sex.
Love and sex in the understanding of men.
Men perceive them as two different categories. Sometimes they can coincide, and sometimes they exist separately, independently of each other. That is why male infidelity rarely occurs because of the meeting of a new love. Often the reasons for infidelity are:
- monotony in bed, unsatisfied sexual desires, intimacy rarity, scheduled sex;
- domination or criticism from a woman (and a mistress allows him to be the main one);
- passion, physical passion for another girl, “hunter instinct”.
These are not the only motives, but they are most related to the topic being described. The paradox is that, even cheating for these reasons, a guy can love his couple. It turns out something like “a wife is for the soul, convenience, and a lover is for the body, self-expression.” For the wife, this approach seems strange, even mocking.
Despite this point of view, the decision to remain faithful or change depends on the upbringing, moral values, and principles of a man. He can be faithful and not succumb to temptations, even if he perceives intimate and spiritual intimacy, not as a whole.
Are relationships without sex a reality?
Sex without love in the 21st century no longer surprises anyone. Another thing is love without sex. Supporters of platonic relationships are becoming rarer, and the lack of intimacy in marriage is defined by modern psychologists as a problem. But is it always like this?
It turns out not. There are periods without sex that are not considered abnormal. However, these are only temporary stages. Most often, in normal relationships, they end, and intimacy resumes. Such stages last for each couple in different ways – from a couple of weeks to several months. Moreover, such a break does not spoil the relationship, and often even strengthens them.
In what situations does a deficiency or complete absence of a sexual life become the norm?
1. Teenage infatuation.
Teenage love, despite naivety, inexperience, maximalism, has every chance to grow into a happy family relationship. Although such an attachment has good prospects of turning into a serious marriage, everything starts innocently enough.
A hormonal surge in adolescents causes interest in sexual life, but many couples at this age still do not dare to enter into intimate relationships. And why? The heart is beating so frantically, the knees give way, the head is spinning, the mouth dries up with or without reason. Emotions are enough.
In addition, the fear of making a mistake, the idealization of the first sex, are also the reasons why boys and especially girls tend to enjoy romance without a bed.
Relationship and differences between love and sex.
2. The birth of a child.
After the birth of a baby, many couples experience a relationship crisis, often leading to divorce. As a rule, it is associated with the fact that a woman begins to get very tired, becomes irritable, capricious. And the man suddenly realizes that he is jealous of his wife for the child, since all the attention of the missus is concentrated only on the son/daughter.
However, even for those who successfully cope with the role of new parents, a lull in the bedroom can form. There are several reasons:
- catastrophic lack of free time;
- physical (and moral as a result) fatigue;
- chronic stress due to fear of not coping with the role of a parent;
- severe rehabilitation of the mother after childbirth.
If there is understanding and mutual support between the spouses, then the temporary absence of intimacy does not become a big problem. Usually, everything returns to normal six months after the baby is born. At this point, the wife has time to recover physically, both parents get used to the rhythm, and the child becomes less dependent on regular breastfeeding.
3. Satiation.
Usually, this period begins no earlier than 10 years of marriage, although there are exceptions. The bottom line is that spouses get used to and study each other so well that sex loses its unpredictability, novelty. It’s not that it gets bad or overly boring. Just comes the realization that he is available all the time. The effect of the “forbidden fruit” disappears.
Having enjoyed enough intimacy, partners gradually reduce its amount. Nevertheless, it cannot be said that it disappears for good. For the most part, sex is just getting rarer. If it stops altogether and this alignment lasts more than 3 months, it may be time to renew the relationship. You can go on vacation together, arrange a date, escape from routine affairs. Usually, after that in the bedroom, everything is getting better right away.
Relationship and differences between love and sex.
4. Lack of intimacy.
Insufficiently strong connections, poor knowledge about each other are natural reasons why people do not dare to have permanent sex. This behavior is typical for the first weeks or months of a relationship. However, it can also manifest itself in a long-term union. For example, after:
Normally, the lack of intimacy in such cases is not a punishment, but a need to recreate trust, intimacy, sincerity. But even in these situations, sexual life resumes after a maximum of six months.
If two adults fail to restore intimate relationships for a year or longer, there is a serious problem. As a rule, this is the result of a lack of feelings or psychological trauma of one or both partners.
5. Features of sexual desire.
Each person has their own level of libido. Moreover, it is not static, but constantly changing. The reasons for this are:
- health, well-being, the state of the hormonal background;
- emotional experiences, stress;
- fatigue, workload, concentration on other things;
- appearance, attitude of the partner;
- menstrual cycle, pregnancy symptoms in women.
Naturally, in a long-term relationship, sexual desire begins to fade away little by little. However, this is not a reason to be upset, as complete trust, frankness in one’s fantasies comes to replace it. That is, bed scenes become more rare, but along with the novelty, fears, insecurity, shyness, and timidity disappear.
If partners try to diversify things in the bedroom, their intimate relationship will only strengthen the marriage without creating problems.
6. Spirituality.
This is the rarest category. It includes couples who consciously and voluntarily decided to share exclusively platonic feelings. Usually, these are either representatives of the clergy, that is, very religious people, or extremely sensitive natures who idealize the concept of love.
If the perception of love and intimacy of such partners completely coincide, then they happily (although often not without discomfort) love each other for years. But if at least one of them does not recognize the idea or does not perceive it deeply enough, the couple is doomed to torment or a break.
Sometimes long-distance relationships are also included in this category. One can only say about them that in 99% of cases such unions break up if the lovers at least periodically do not meet in reality.
What should come first, love or sex?
Canadian psychologists have identified four keys to a strong relationship and marriage. In their opinion, the gradation of the importance of these factors looks like this:
- Similar outlook on life.
- gastronomic preferences.
- Sex.
- The desire to caress, touch a partner, stroke him.
That is, an intimate relationship is only in third place.
For relationships to be happy, you will have to carefully work on them. However, the worldview of partners is an equally important part. How a couple perceives love and sex determines the further development of the union. If you do not discuss this topic, trying to come to a common opinion, the situation heats up, quarrels, misunderstandings, betrayals appear. And there it is not far from the final painful break.
Relationship and differences between love and sex.
