We live in a world full of romantic movies, songs and holidays. Full of loving couples occupying the spring streets faster than the last snowdrifts melt. It seems that everyone around is only thinking about how to find a boyfriend / girlfriend / husband / wife / second husband. No, no, yes, thoughts will creep into my head that it would be nice to find a mate.
On the eve of Valentine’s Day, the world goes completely crazy. One gets the impression that the absence of the notorious second half is almost a mortal sin. And those sympathetic looks from friends and distant relatives! Sometimes you want to “find someone for yourself already”, so that everyone will unhook from you.
We still do not recommend that you look for a mate just because someone thinks that the root of all your problems lies in your loneliness. If at this point in your life you enjoy free-floating, that’s fine.
But if you are ripe for a romantic relationship and are ready to go in search of love, use our advice.
Relationship expert reveals how to find love?
“Love will suddenly come”, “your self will come to you”, “the right people will enter your life by themselves” and blah blah blah. It’s so comfortable to live when you believe in caring fate and don’t do a damn thing.
Pepper Schwartz is a relationship expert and professor of sociology at the University of Washington. And she does not share such an irresponsible approach to her own personal life. “There is a famous saying that you will find a job when you least expect it. Well, this really does happen. But very rarely. Most people who believe this end up unemployed. In my opinion, this is a convenient excuse for being afraid to leave the house and make an effort to achieve the goal. Yes, anything can happen. But such a strategy is by no means the best, ”Pepper makes a verdict.
Stop waiting for gifts of fate. Start taking action. But let’s do without despair and fierce attempts to start a relationship with the first person who comes to hand.
Places to know
Go to events where you can meet like-minded people more often. Perhaps something interesting is planned in the company you work for? Take the initiative. You will also have a chance to take a fresh look at your colleagues. Perhaps your happiness is already under your nose?
Schwartz also advises paying attention to dating sites. This is a great opportunity to meet a dozen guys or girls in one evening. If you’re already using a site or app and it’s not working, change tactics. Work on your profile or try a different dating platform.
Cool guys and girls pass by you every day, but you don’t even notice it. You’ve got your eyes on your smartphone! Bela Gandhi is the founder of the Smart Dating Academy in Chicago. And she is simply amazed by the illogical behavior of the guys and girls who turn to her. They complain about loneliness and the inability to find their soul mate, but at the same time they spend most of the time with their heads down in their devices.
Doing this at a party where you can meet someone is not at all forgivable! Look around. Hold your gaze on the person you like and smile. This is a kind of signal that you are ready to meet.
Don’t look for madness
Romance and a storm of emotions are good for dates. But in the long run, you will need a stronger relationship foundation. “Seek not romance, but partnership,” advises Tina Tessina, a psychotherapist from California.
“Look for a person who is ready not only to take, but also to give. Someone who listens to your opinion. A person who cares about your needs and desires,” advises Tina.
One of the biggest reasons why you still haven’t met your love is the lack of the most important love. To yourself, to your life. Schwartz draws attention to the fact that the search for a happy relationship begins with work on yourself. Would you like to meet someone like you? Would you like to meet him? Would you like to meet on the street?
“If you’re unhappy, negative, don’t love yourself, and broadcast it to the world, you’re depriving yourself of the chance of a successful acquaintance,” Schwartz says.
Finally take matters into your own hands. If you cannot cope with your condition on your own, contact a specialist. Go in for sports and stop waving your hand at your nutrition.
“The bottom line is that any big business requires training. Here everything is the same. Work on yourself. As long as you are alive, there is always something to strive for, ”recalls Schwartz.
“After a divorce or breakup, it’s important to take some time to yourself,” says Nicole Baras Feyer, divorce specialist and coach at Start Over Smart in Westport, Connecticut.
“You will be in great shape, you just need to give yourself time to heal from a painful breakup. Reflect on what went wrong. You also need time to rediscover yourself. Otherwise, there is a great risk of repeating past mistakes,” Nicole warns.
Sexual interest is not a guideline
The spark does not always run at lightning speed, in the very first seconds of acquaintance. The strongest relationships sometimes develop very slowly. And the once passionate relationship is quickly fading away.
Sexual interest is important, but you shouldn’t discount a person just because the first impression was not so bright.
Opposites are dangerous
Opposites attract. But the relationship of these opposites can be very complex and exhausting.
“People who have a lot in common are more likely to build healthy and strong relationships,” says Dr. Gail Seiltz, a psychiatrist in New York. The easier it is for you to communicate with each other, the less likely there are conflicts.
“Believe in the fact that you will meet your man and find your happiness at any cost. You are worthy of love and it will come into your life. Necessarily. All you have to do is go on dates and talk to people. And everything will definitely work out. Believe it,” advises Bela Gandhi.
Recharge with this crazy optimism. This will make dating easier for you. What despair? You are not going to give up! Everything will definitely be fine! Gandhi advises to communicate with three to five people at the same time. Gradually you will understand which one suits you best. Bela immediately makes a clarification – to communicate, but not to sleep.
What do you yourself want?
Do you need a lot of personal space? Or do you want to spend all your free time with a partner? Are you a very tactile person or don’t like hugs and “other nonsense”?
“There are no right and wrong answers here, everything is okay with you. But you need to understand your own desires. Otherwise, you simply will not be able to convey them to your future partner. You can get what you want from each other only if you understand yourself,” Tessina explains.
“You can have fun as and with anyone as long as you take precautions and practice safe sex. But remember that every person you let into your life, into your home and your wallet, brings with them a certain baggage, ”recalls Tessina.
At the initial stage of a relationship, we try to look better than we really are. The real picture begins to emerge a little later. Remember this. Take off your rose-colored glasses before things go too far.
Trying to get the attention of someone who is not interested in you in any way is a highly unproductive waste of time. Accept the fact that this person is not for you and move on.
PS A positive attitude is half the battle. Decisive action and the ability to overcome your fears are the other half.