In one psychological support group, your humble servant, the author of this article, came across an interesting one. It said the following: a certain writer, having arrived in London many years ago, saw the following inscription on the doors of a public toilet: “Entrance for ladies – one penny, for women – free.”
To the same case and men: the gentlemen paid a penny, everyone else came in without paying for the service. Perhaps, on the Internet, you yourself met the article in question.
How do you rate and value yourself?
It is easy to guess what the semantic subtext was: those who value themselves do not use something free. They understand that everything has a price, and you need to keep the brand, that is, do not forget that they are aristocrats.
No, we are not going to discuss this publication. “Samka” is the name of the game called “plot”, and that’s where the original text comes from.
Opinions are divided:
- some believed that such an approach was nothing more than nonsense from the Internet;
- others, on the contrary, considered that a more or less self-respecting person should not use a freebie;
- still others spoke ironically on the subject;
There were a lot of different opinions, as you know. “Samka” was mentioned before the project in the context of the most common words in the pare: who should pay for what. We will answer it, touching on various aspects, which, one way or another, for a single couple, give a different tone to the conversation.
Mentality as a fundamental basis of worldview
Let’s start with the fact that feminism is not so clearly expressed in the CIS countries. The countries of Europe and the West are quite another matter. There, women strive for equality, and it turns out that if a man takes on the lion’s share of the costs, he automatically deprives them of equality: he makes them obligated and puts them one step below him.
In Russia and neighboring countries, this issue is treated differently. Even if a woman earns well, and in some cases, even an order of magnitude higher than a man, one way or another, she wants financial issues to be resolved the old fashioned way, then her partner.
For our ancestors, it was the man who was the earner, and the woman was the keeper of the hearth. It is clear that modern women are not always ready to devote time to household duties, and voluntarily give up self-realization and career growth.
Now that you have that on that date, you will see the following:
- the answer to the question will depend on the worldview of the partners
Who should pay in a relationship?
Should a man pay for a woman?
Let’s conditionally divide the pairs into:
- With clearly defined roles
When we specify, it becomes clear that for each couple, an individual financial scenario is provided: what suits one will be categorically unacceptable in another. No way that you can by the portuguese.
Couples in which equality can be traced
Consider one important detail – two partners = two equal participants in a love union. Figuratively speaking, relationships are their enterprise, where one has a package of 50% of the shares, and the other has the same amount. Therefore, it is easy to come to the conclusion that all financial matters are divided in half.
But there is a small caveat here. One way or another, but anyway, someone will earn a little more, or even an order of magnitude higher, the other – a little less. In such pairs, the main thing is not to feel dependent on a partner, and not to go in constant debtors.
Therefore, at the initial stages of the relationship, everyone pays for himself. In such, there will never be a choice of gifts according to the principle: a fur coat for a wife, and socks with perfume gel for a husband. Partners, in an equal relationship, will have and gifts of equal value.
We have already covered more than once what this is connected with – with the unwillingness to feel like a debtor. A woman in such a pair, as a rule, will be a steel business woman who wants to see such a silun wives next to her.
Therefore, if we sum up the relative of this type of couple, then we think that the answer to the question of the topic will be obvious – all expenses are divided in half if people already live together. A where on etape vsstrechaniya, everyone pays for himself.
Couples in which rights and responsibilities are distributed
Perhaps, in the territory of the CIS – this is the most common type of couples. As a rule, the man bears the costs. Although a woman can be a leader in relationships: she earns more, but she also spends more.
But still, if we are talking about this type of couples, women want to remain women – to receive gifts, flowers, attend various events with their man, for which, accordingly, he pays. The man pays for their leisure, joint travel, and so on.
When relations move to a higher level, and already imply the creation of a cell of society, then the resolution of everyday issues, such as: where to live, how to fill the grocery basket, and all sorts of pleasant little things, also fall on his shoulders.
No cost to you deleting in detail. Firstly, a woman can be self-sufficient, that is, earn on a par with a man. But At the same time, she is in no hurry to put her hard-earned money into the family piggy bank, or there are People Only meet – to pay for themselves.
As we have already indicated, allowing a man to take over financial matters, she feels like a woman. Look, when a man is not ready to invest, then he is either a redneck, or simply does not see a future with a particular woman, or is not particularly interested in their relationship.
Surely, you have come across a cliché of thinking that women now only need money. Moreover, many with foam at the mouth prove that there are only selfish bitches around.
No, paradoxically, those men who shout about it the loudest pay attention to well-groomed, beautiful. We’ll tell you a secret, but even on a first date, many people come without flowers only because they sincerely believe: “Why spend money on some flower if it’s not really clear whether I will meet her or not.”
For a woman, the material side is like a certain indicator of a man’s reliability, his characteristic. Like it or not, but you always want to be tender, feminine, desirable.
And if a woman plows like a horse, taking on financial obligations for the family, one way or another, masculine inclinations wake up in her, and gradually her feminine principle may be lost.
Many disagree with this outcome, which is why it is so important for them that the role of the breadwinner remains with the man.
Couples in which role reversal occurs
Our world is rather unstable: it would seem that today things are going smoothly and smoothly, and everything is very clear about the future, but tomorrow the world has turned upside down, and there is no trace of the former stability. People are losing their jobs and with it their income.
We mean that the third type of couple provides for the motto: “We live according to the prevailing circumstances.” To it not a clear distribution of financial obligations. The main earner is the one who earns more: today it can be a man, and tomorrow already on the same.
For these couples, the wording is not typical: “You are a man – you must! Even die, but do it! We can say that partners in such pairs are flexible and plastic. Not available on stereotypes, and not available on the title. They have a common piggy bank called the family budget.
And as you understand, the one who earns more and will put more into it. Moreover, there are couples in which a man takes on the role of a housewife, and all financial matters fall on the shoulders of a woman – and this suits the partners.
Is it possible to generalize
You yourself saw that the answer to the question: who pays for what is very individual. Moreover, the financial side signifies the roles and positioning of oneself in a couple.
For some, it is important to observe independence, someone prefers to preserve the feminine, and for others, finances are, of course, an important part of life, but people focus more on relationships than on the household side of life.
Again, if it is very important for you that a man earns well and fully takes all the expenses on himself, think about what this really stands for: the desire to protect yourself from poverty;
If you are in the wild, you should say that: it is possible to talk about it. Worldview – who should pay for what, will tell about the person in the best possible way. And We have fulfilled our mission, so to speak, in this topic: We gave you an exhaustive answer, and as a nice bonus – Food for thought.