Today we wonder if it is right to cancel a date out of fear.
Since I’ve also had the experience of being nervous and insecure before going on a date, I’ll give you some helpful tips and my recommendations along the way.
It’s not always easy to put your own fear aside and go brave on the date. Let’s get started right away.
Is it right to cancel the date just out of fear?
First of all, we should ask ourselves why are you scared? Is it the fear of opening up, communicating, or saying something wrong? It can also be that you don’t know how to deal with such awkward pauses in which no one knows what to say.
But for me, there are no reasons to cancel a possibly wonderful date. Only those who dare can win. With a little practice and a lot of self-confidence, you will be able to go on your first date with confidence.
Let’s go deeper into this matter – because I can tell you one thing. That was not all there was to be said on the subject.
When I browse the Internet or ask around in my circle of friends, I keep running into people who are unspeakably afraid of the first date.
There may be various reasons:
- Afraid of showing yourself who you are
- Afraid of saying the wrong thing
- Fear of having to tell things about yourself that you may be uncomfortable with
- Fear that there will be gaps in speech
- Fear that you won’t have common topics to talk about
- Fear of rejection
- Afraid not to please
As you can see, it’s a list that could go on and on. These are important points that people typically think about before going on a date. Not everyone is the same, but you will find that almost every newbie feels the same way.
A date is the opportunity to open up, to recognize yourself and to pave another person’s way into your own heart.
We will look at the following points today:
- Is it really necessary to cancel a date just out of fear?
- Where do the fears come from?
- What can we do against it? Important tools against it!
Is it really necessary to cancel a date just out of fear?
I can answer this question in a nutshell with a NO! answer.
A date is not a meeting in which both sides have to shine from their most beautiful side. It’s just about getting together, getting to know each other, and leaving it open as to whether something will develop from it or not.
It is not necessary to pretend and possibly only focus on the TOP 5 characteristics of yourself.
I can very well understand the motives for seriously thinking about canceling a date because you get cold feet.
It is not always just the insecurity of not pleasing, but sometimes the fear of giving the other person a basket also plays a role.
In that case, you are not afraid of being rejected, but rather you are the one who rejects the other person or does not want to meet the other person anymore. That, too, can make you very worried about dates.
Where do the fears come from?
The fear of the date mainly results from the fact that you are unsure of yourself. You know who you are and where you come from – but you forget all your special qualities, all your interests, feelings, and thoughts that make you stand out from other people and make you unique.
In society, it is often the case that only the negative aspects of people count. It can look like this:
People are made aware of their mistakes, but it is clearly forgotten that they can also be praised for their positive aspects.
If you want to express negative criticism, you should consider giving your counterpart praise. So that at least an equilibrium arises.
So that I can clarify it better, I would like to list some of the fears that arise in this context:
- Afraid of not being good enough
I believe I can claim that everyone has already dealt with the question “Am I good the way I am?”. The problem is that nowadays we want more and more – everything has to be better, faster, and optimized. In the school and work world, people only get ahead if they function. There are no breaks or times when it is possible to do less. Because of this pressure, people lose more and more confidence in themselves and that they are as good as they are.
- Afraid not to please
First of all, it is important to emphasize that appearance is really a matter of taste. Everyone has a different type that they find attractive. But always keep in mind: If the other person ever wants to have a date with you, it means that they’ll find you optically good.
- Afraid of saying the wrong things
I can totally understand this uncertainty. A date is all about showing yourself, opening up, and standing by yourself. And that is the problem for many. We have often had the experience that if we act as we really are, we are no longer liked. This then results in this fear of saying the wrong things that the other person does not like.
- Fear of rejection
Like the previous point, this point shows the fear of opening up and the question of how the other person will react. It may be that you reveal something about yourself and tell really intimate things from your life and your dating partner cannot do anything with these words. Maybe you talk about hobbies, about music or about other topics that give you pleasure, but that the other person can’t stand for.
Important tools that help against this panic!
Depending on what fear you feel in yourself and where your weaknesses or uncertainties are, different things can help.
Afraid of saying the wrong things
If you’re just “just” afraid of telling the other wrong things, I can anticipate one thing for you. There is nothing wrong with what you say
A date isn’t about pleasing the other. First and foremost, it’s about exchanging ideas with someone you found likeable at first. That’s why the date takes place in the first place.
Sure, it can happen that you meet up with your crush and then you realize that it doesn’t even fit between you. But if you look objectively at this fact – is that bad?
Isn’t it much better if you can tell from the outset that there just wasn’t a spark between the two of you? You don’t have to waste your life with people who just don’t fit into your life.
You are always worth the same
The most important point in this context is to understand that you are therefore still worth the same.
Your worth does not depend on the other person. No matter whether he thinks you are good or not – you are always worth the same and something very special.
Concrete tips against your fear
I would like to briefly mention some of the valuable suggestions here:
- Dive into social life before your date: This gives you security and above all, you are in the flow of speech.
- Move the date to a place where you know other people. This familiar environment gives you security and lets you blossom.
- If you are very nervous: Meditate, go into yourself, and be aware of yourself. This helps.
- Lower expectations of yourself: You don’t have to be perfect.
- Pick clothes that you feel comfortable in. You don’t have to be super sexy and wear a very short dress, or men don’t have to appear in a shirt and tie. Decide on something that you are comfortable with. Listen to great music while you prepare. That relaxes.
The most important thing about the whole thing is: Be yourself. No matter what the other person thinks of you. It’s not about pleasing him, it’s about showing yourself for who you are!
What do I talk about with my counterpart: As a shy person, it can be very helpful to have certain topics ready to talk about beforehand.
You don’t have to formulate anything or take notes, just put some topics in the back of your mind that you want to address. That creates security.
How do I deal with rejection: It can happen that you meet someone who then makes it very clear to you that nothing will come between you.
Now it’s a matter of figuring out how best to deal with it. I’ll give you the tip by hand. Remain yourself. Be aware of your values and do not make your self-worth dependent on your counterpart.
Should I give up after a basket? No. Try not to lose the ground under your feet after a rejection. It didn’t fit between you. But that doesn’t mean that you will never find someone you like and who finds you equally attractive.
It can help you lower your expectations when it comes to dating. Then the disappointment is less. Focus on yourself first and foremost, but don’t get bent over backward in your room. Go out! Meet new people! Be grateful for the experience – you will become more and more confident about data.
In summary, I can tell you that the fear of the date is certainly very important and in some cases even leads to the fact that a date wants to be canceled.
But I can recommend you not to let your fears gain the upper hand, but to always be aware of yourself. Thoughts of success, deep meditation or simply surrounding yourself with people who are good for you can increase your self-esteem enormously and give you security for the moments that follow during a date.
Don’t give up and take the step. It can be the beginning of a wonderful relationship!
Should you cancel your date out of fear? Have you ever canceled a date out of fear and regretted it afterward?