Stages of marital relations. TOP 9 reasons for couples to break up? Some psychologists believe that love has five stages of its course: falling in love, pairing, disappointment, lasting love, and finally, love that changes the world. And in order to understand why people break up, you need to take a closer look at each of the five stages described above.
Stages of marital relations. TOP 9 reasons for couples to break up?
Sweet burden of love
Falling in love is an ardent and passionate period of just emerging new love. Scientists say that this feeling is a purely physiological reaction of the body to saturation with dopamine. Equally important are the sex hormones oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen.
This state to some extent resembles alcohol intoxication. The shortcomings of one partner are completely invisible to the other. The life span of love is about 2 years. But, in fact, each case is purely individual, as it is determined at the gene level and depends on the amount of hormones in the body. It is believed that love is embedded in the human mind by mother nature herself for the banal continuation of the human race.
Creation of a family union
The creation of a couple occurs when the ardor in love is already fading and the partners, having got used to each other, decide that they are made for each other and agree to live together “until old age.” At this moment, both partners are proud of each other and selflessly prepare for the upcoming marriage. Some couples are already expecting a baby.
Partners are even more united by common goals – buying a car, an apartment or a summer cottage. They are ready to proudly demonstrate their unity to the whole world. The “playing” hormones are replaced by a feeling of strong attachment. More relaxed sex, however, brings a feeling of complete satisfaction.
Partners feel protected, their feelings are stable and, as they believe, can never fade away. But, as practice shows, both of them are seriously mistaken, since the most difficult period of disappointment awaits them ahead.
Time of bitter disappointment
At the stage of disappointment, partners suddenly have irritable emotions towards each other. For no reason at all, the couple has a physically tangible rejection and a feeling that mutual love never existed and was just a figment of their imagination.
There is not a single couple that would be ready for such a turn of events. However, there are those who can deal with the problem with dignity. Not all newlyweds immediately run away from each other headlong, some try to deal with themselves and stop the current difficult situation.
But, unfortunately, most couples still diverge at this stage. At first, they live with a feeling of dissatisfaction, they try to stay at work as long as possible (in order to minimize communication with their soulmate waiting at home). Quarrels begin, and for no apparent reason. Scientific experiments have proven that even partners get sick much more often during this period. Additional negative components of quarrels are:
- Nervous breakdowns;
- Decreased immunity;
- Problems with erection and libido.
Most people at this point make the decision to end the relationship and are looking for a way out. They believe that continuation is impossible and their attempt to start a family has failed completely. According to psychologists, ex-lovers make a huge mistake here. When problems begin in a marriage, you do not need to run headlong from them. On the contrary, problems must be solved together, united.
Disagreements are similar to a viral infection, if a couple manages to overcome them together, they will develop strong immunity, which will subsequently help the couple live long and happy years. It is at this moment that the partners begin to perceive their “half” without the influence of hormones and illusions in love, opposite them is not an ideal life partner, but a very real ordinary representative of “homo sapiens”.
If you overcome this period together, you can build true love and begin to fully perceive each other as you really are.
The stability of lasting love
The stage of lasting love begins after the storm has subsided. The couple finds all the causes of their previous conflicts. Almost all of them come from childhood. It also turns out that one cannot be blamed for quarrels either, both spouses are always to blame. The selfishness of both fades into the background, and they begin to really support each other in everything. This strengthens the bond between them and fundamentally destroys any resulting conflict. Spouses begin to live on the same wavelength.
The stage of absolute, all-consuming love
According to the world-famous psychologist Dr. Diamond, the fifth stage can be safely called Absolute Love. Very few couples have been able to survive it. This is due to the fact that most spouses remain until the end of their days at the stage of lasting love.
But, there is such a strong and all-consuming feeling that there is not enough space in the hearts of two lovers – it is just torn to embrace the whole world. Such calm wisdom of pure, time-tested love begins to realize itself first on one’s own children, then on other relatives and acquaintances, and then on all of humanity. Often such couples begin to take an active part in the activities of various charitable societies.
The behavior of the spouses is additionally explained by the fact that their mature love no longer needs to be replenished, summing up all the years lived together, poetic love begins to change the world. Sometimes such couples find themselves in creativity – they write books together or organize all kinds of social projects.
Summing up at this stage, we can safely say that the creation of strong and harmonious relationships is far beyond the power of all married couples. Often, even the most ideal (as it seemed from the outside) couples are able to surprise others with their separation. Sometimes the reasons can be the most banal, sometimes spontaneous and unexpected, but the essence remains the same. So what are considered the most common reasons for divorce, why do people break up?
Why do people break up? TOP 9 reasons
- Couple incompatibility at home
This reason for divorces most often “crumbles” young families, only united in what seems to them an eternal, marriage union. After the end of the euphoric period of falling in love, the couple begins to notice each other’s shortcomings. It can be dirty socks of the spouse, carelessly dumped near the sofa, dirty dishes left by him on the kitchen table, or a trash can that has not been taken out.
In the same way, the husband begins to notice the untidiness or careless performance of his duties by his wife – unwashed dishes, hair left in the bathroom sink, burnt dinner for the umpteenth time. All this together is quite capable of destroying a marriage. Unfortunately, not all couples manage to change their habits for the sake of preserving love and marriage, and banal everyday problems become the main reason why people break up.
- Attempts to change partner
Married adults, self-sufficient people, are already fully established individuals with their own character and habits. When starting to live in marriage, not all spouses are aware of the fact that some of them will need to be sacrificed, and some will need to be changed somewhat.
For example, a spouse’s habit of spending Saturday nights with friends drinking foamy beer at a nearby sports bar can irritate the wife, leading to constant scandals that can sometimes turn into incredible family disasters.
The husband, on the other hand, may well be annoyed by the wife’s habit, which seems quite innocent at first glance, to fill the entire apartment in the evenings with an unpleasant miasma of nail polish remover and the nail polish itself. If a couple does not learn to give in to each other, the risk of divorce becomes very high.
- Constant scenes of jealousy
Most often, representatives of the female half of humanity can “boast” of excessive jealousy. Although, men who are trying to be jealous of their spouse for the first pillar they come across are no exception. There are also situations when a jealousy complex simultaneously covers both spouses. In this case, one and the couple is constantly jealous, and the second suffers constant and completely unjustified insults. The most unpleasant thing is that suspicions and total control can destroy even the most stable relationships at first glance.
- Pain of adultery
Of course, not every married couple gets divorced after the betrayal of one of the spouses. Some experience this very unpleasant event, but trust at the proper level can never be restored. The cheater, on the other hand, is constantly accompanied by conflicts with his own subconscious and remorse. In most cases, sooner or later, all this leads to the inevitable separation of the couple.
- Sexual incompatibility
Seeming at first surprising and enchanting sex ceases to satisfy both spouses, or one of them. We can talk about both the quality of sexual life and the number of intimate “meetings” of the spouses.
The risk of parting because of sex is especially high for those couples whose relationship was originally built on an all-consuming passion. After some time, it becomes clear that sex is completely of the wrong quality, and besides it, the spouses did not connect anything.
- Absence of children
If the vast majority of women, having just entered into marriage, begin to dream of little peanuts that, in their opinion, will enliven a happy life, then not all husbands are ready for such a turn of events.
The reasons may be different – some males believe that first you need to get back on your feet, make a career (buy a car or a summer cottage), others simply do not want to share the attention of a spouse with a third, even if it will be his own child. This reason for divorce, oddly enough, is one of the most common.
- The harmful effects of bad habits
It is in vain that lovers at the first stage of their relationship look through their fingers at the presence of their half of bad habits. Moreover, this applies to both men and modern emancipated women, who sometimes raise a glass and light another cigarette, no less than their husbands.
Both alcoholic drinks and alcohol become the reasons why people break up. At the same time, the female half of society is ready to endure the shortcomings of the spouse much longer than the faithful, who find themselves in their place. But, be that as it may, and no matter who of the couple is distinguished by harmful addictions, in a very short time they can lead to the beginning of quarrels, assault and outbursts of completely motivated aggression.
- Computer addiction
In our difficult time of the crazy rhythm of life, the time that spouses devote to communicating with each other is sorely lacking. If at the same time one of the spouses spends it on aimless pastime in social networks, online games or chat correspondence.
- Lack of finance
Often, it is the insufficient level of earnings that causes the separation of spouses. This can be both an insufficient level of earnings of the husband, and, exceeding the established norms, the income of the spouse.
Whatever it was, the question of why people break up remains a mystery. In some cases, even the most difficult aspects remain resolved, and the most innocent ones can leave behind bitter tears of disappointment.
Be that as it may, in a relationship between two, there is no place for a third, and if the union with your soul mate is dear to you, try to find out all the relationships exclusively between yourself, not allowing anyone else into them. Only this will help to find points of inconsistency and come to a mutual decision on how to maintain the relationship and whether it is worth maintaining it at all.
Stages of marital relations. TOP 9 reasons for couples to break up?