Stop the insults and humiliation of the husband for the sake of the child. Sometimes it is difficult to understand whether it is worth staying with a husband who insults his wife, especially if it is not physical violence. It seems that everything can be endured, kept silent, especially when there is a child.
Often the decisive factor is the attitude of a man towards children. If it is normal, then it seems to the wife that leaving her husband is selfishness, because the child needs a father. No so li eto na samom dele? What is the negative impact of bad parenting on the child?
“A child needs a father”
This attitude is actively broadcast in our culture from generation to generation. But how true is she?
The idea of having a father was first supported by a 1989 study (Delay of Gratification in Children), which found that otherwise a child would have an increased desire for “everything at once” and therefore it would be more difficult for them to achieve complex goals.
In 2006, E. Costello and A. Angold found that children who grew up without a father are more prone to adolescent depression (Is there an epidemic of child or adolescent depression?).
However, current data show that both of these works did not take into account a significant factor.
- they live in a socially unfavorable environment;
- their mothers tend to be depressed, mentally ill, exhibit emotionally unstable behavior;
- children have a bad relationship with their mother.
“A boy needs a father” is another attitude that many people hold. But a study conducted in 2005 by Klimova S.A., Malarzhik D.A. and Kalina O.G. it refutes.
They found that with a good, harmonious relationship with their mother, boys, even if they grew up without a father, have no differences in academic performance, they have no problems with a sense of their masculinity. Moreover, they retain a positive image of dad as part of the family.
In fact, the child needs not just a father, but an adult who will satisfy his need for security, trust, acceptance and stability. Rodel will translate into the system of the sun and the wind, so that it is possible for the horse.
A father should instill a sense of security in a child. But If he insults his wife, then in such a family children grow up with a constant feeling of anxiety, feel psychological stress and depression.
Save the family for the sake of the children. Is it really a justified necessity?
Negative consequences for the child
Bezuslovno water, it is in the image of the picture, the demonstration is there. But more importantly, what exactly will this image be. No, it’s meaning who exactly the father offends – his wife or children. If this is not the case, the area will be negated by what is written.
“This is all because of me”
If a Child grows up watching his father Abusing his mother, he will inevitably feel guilt, no matter how irrational it may be. Wine is based on 3 settings:
- “I can’t protect my mother” – because of this, even in adulthood, he will have low self-esteem, a feeling of helplessness, a feeling that nothing depends on him, which means there is no point in taking fate into his own hands;
- “Mom endures all this only because of me” – if in childhood it is felt less, then, having matured, it turns into deep regret about the past, which cannot be corrected, and guilt before the mother, who suffered because of it;
- “Either mom is bad or dad” – the child idealizes his parents, but if there is a bad relationship between them, he develops a deep internal conflict, because it is very difficult to come to terms with hatred for the one he loves.
Boys, growing up, begin to identify with their father. And girls – with the image of what all men are. No and it, and drugs, is the first model to be used in rodents that are normal. It is difficult for them to understand what is different.
If it is necessary to do this in the room, it is possible to return one of the two positions. Or he will take on the role of a victim, which allows others to humiliate her, will suppress his feelings, give up desires for the sake of another person.
Either he will choose the role of an aggressor, who will suppress others, insult them, demonstrate psychological ones. Worst of all, this choice will be made unconsciously.
In either case, the child will be prone to dependency on the other person, and it will be difficult for him to build trusting relationships that include intimacy, sincerity, and respect.
Of course, these results are not guaranteed. But their probability is high, unless the child finds an inner support in order to get out of the family scenario and consciously approach what kind of relationship he is building.
What prevents you from making the right decision?
Asking the question whether it is worth enduring humiliation and insults from a spouse for the sake of children, It is important to understand that a woman is already demonstrating the position of a victim. She is ready to give up her desires for the sake of another person.
This position is the result of constant insults from her husband, who has already inspired her that she does not deserve better, that she should put the interests of others above her own. Leaving her husband prevents:
- the attitude “I am a bad mother”, since I think about myself, and not about the child;
- fear of loneliness;
- the thought “what if the “new” dad is worse.”
But these attitudes are irrational. The truth is, a happy mother will have a happy child. The main thing he needs is an adult figure on which he can lean, which will satisfy his need for trust and security.
Such a figure can be the mother herself, and the members of Her family, For example, the Grandfather of the Child or Uncle, and the “new” Pope may well become such a figure. It can also become a father who will continue to take part in raising a child.
If a woman is offended by her husband, it is not worth enduring it for the sake of the child. It doesn’t matter who exactly the husband “attacks”, the child notices everything and is aware of everything, it is impossible to hide it.
He feels the constant tension between you, the anxiety experienced by the mother, which also does not affect his self-confidence in the best way.
In such a family, he does not feel safe, so he may develop a negative attitude towards the world around him, passivity, inability to make decisions, a tendency to distrust people.
In such a situation, the wife needs to either improve relations with her husband, setting personal boundaries, or break off relations if you understand that he is not ready and does not want to change his attitude towards you.
It is not necessary to enter this property, not to request it from another person, not to allow it in “voyage”. If the Mother does not perceive divorce as a traumatic event, a tragedy that cannot be experienced, then it will be easier for the child to cope with the changes.
It is the calmness of the mother, her confidence, adequate self-esteem and love that become the main internal for the child. And then it will no longer matter whether he has a father or not, because the child will still be happy and calm.