Conflicts in families where there is a teenager are inevitable. They occur even in very successful relationships. While these are normal, they are best avoided. Otherwise, a heavy atmosphere is created at home. Let’s see what causes quarrels between “fathers and sons” and how to avoid them.
What is conflict? The conflict of generations in the family – what are the causes of quarrels between parents and children
A conflict in psychology is called a mismatch of types of thinking, points of view when communicating. Depending on the storage location where the conflict is not as follows:
- views on events;
- outlook on appearance
- character traits;
- temperature side.
Conflict between rodents and details that are available in small children.
In addition, the accumulation of STRess, fatigue is connected. On the other hand, the situation is different: the opinion of the school, grandparents, girlfriends, friends.
The generation of conflict is facilitated by the attitudes of parents who have a picture of an ideal child in their head. And it rarely coincides with reality.
Let’s say you imagined that your daughter would be an activist, study well at school, do well in sections. In fact, in front of you is a closed child, indifferent to sports, not particularly distinguished in his studies. They are distributed, which is related to the actual conflict situation.
Causes of conflicts between “fathers and children”
Conflicts between parents and children never appear just like that, out of the blue. There is always a reason for this. If you choose to check the number of factors:
- Age difference. Rodents were born in the drug, and not the drug was born. The behavior of young people often irritates them. Adults show authority when children show independence.
- Lack of understanding between parents. If you have a conflict relationship with your husband, then the child takes over your attitudes. As a result, even minor misunderstandings become a source of STRESS.
- Free education. Too humane relations are not always good. Adequate restrictions are important between fathers and children. If you predostavit the rebenku, you can do it yourself, to the risk of the pottery controls next to it.
- INDIVIDUAL features. If you have a child with a choleric temperament, then for any reason he can throw tantrums. He is used to getting what he wants. If the parents have a similar temperament, then collisions cannot be avoided.
- Excessive control. In families where every action of the child is tightly controlled by adults, the younger generation is used to repression. As a result, he accumulates negativity, which sooner or later will come out. The child will refuse to accept the arguments of the parents.
- Psychological difficulties. Perhaps the child or parents currently have a difficult situation at work or at school. No one wants it, it’s worth it, it’s normal. If EMO cannot be discharged rationally, then the conflict will spill over into the family circle.
The transience of modern life, the constant employment of parents has an impact on the deterioration of the situation. Between “fathers and children” the EMO-rational connection is lost.
What to do in the conflict of fathers and children?
First of all, it should be understood that it will not work to completely change the situation and avoid conflict. No, it is not possible to maximize the scandal and practice of the world.
- No accentuation on the lightness of the rebenka.
These are such phrases as “you are lazy”, “you are irresponsible”. Thus, the child’s self-esteem suffers. He feels that he is not loved. On the other hand, the wheel is in the same position, no action is taken on it, it is easy to read, it is not possible to do so. He hardens.
Evaluate the child’s performance. “You behaved very irresponsibly”, “I don’t like it when you are lazy”. Admit that he is not bad, he did a bad deed that can be corrected.
- Pay attention to the tone of the conversation.
Don’t raise your voice. Shout can only be used in case of real danger to life. Thus, the children will develop a reflex, if the parent screamed, urgent concentration is needed. The rest of the conversations, debriefing is done in a calm atmosphere.
- Clearly understand for yourself what you want from the child, what worries you. Then explain to him what is the reason for your discontent.
If you clearly convey your position to him, say what exactly you don’t like, he will be able to take any actions to prevent a similar situation in the future.
- If you’re wrong, then apologize to the child.
Not reclaimed on anything but the wine. No trip is not possible. If they are not sincere, forced, then there will be no sense from them.
- Control your emotions.
If an adult does not control himself, then it is also pointless to talk about the child pulling himself together. Learn to name your EMOs, not express them.
- Give the child a chance to speak.
And help him express specific claims, feelings. Make it clear that you don’t need to EMOtion. Say that you care about his opinion. Try to find common ground. The child will understand that he is not indifferent to you and will meet halfway.
Try to find compromises more often, ban only dangerous things, try to earn the trust of children, accept their opinion, even if it does not fit into your settings.
How to listen to a child?
To get out of a conflict situation, you need to learn to listen to the child. Most often, children suffer from parental misunderstanding. “Fathers” need to be made clear that the opinion of their children is important to them.
- Do not interrupt the child, give him the opportunity to speak.
- Watch your facial expressions. Even in that case, you speak only with kind words, but your facial expressions will show another, the child will not make contact.
- No distractions while talking. Put everything aside, sit down and talk to your child.
- Watch your intonation while speaking. It should not contain a thread of condemnation, indignation, so that you do not hear now. Otherwise, the teenager will close up and become even worse. You won’t know anything about what’s going on with him.
If you want to minimize conflicts with children, then pay attention to the books of the Russian psychologist Yulia Gippenreiter how to communicate with a child? ” and “Prodolzhayem communicate with the child So?”. In these situations and not only.
With the right approach of “fathers” it is possible to minimize conflict situations with children. Realize that there are no perfect relationships. You need to learn how to resolve conflicts in a constructive way, reduce your anxiety level and be jotovon.