The guarantee of a successful relationship is the nature of the partner? The main part of any acquaintance is to attract a partner of interest. But as soon as this happens, we face another task – to understand whether it is worth maintaining the relationship. Sometimes sexologists and psychologists refer to this process as “testing”, or “probation”.
What are we looking for and what does it give
Most people have at least a rough idea of what they are looking for in a potential partner. There are those who have a detailed list of required qualities and attributes. However, are these qualities really the key to successful relationships, if we take a long-term perspective?
The thing is, our list of traits may be missing a few critical items. We can learn that they are important only after talking with a person for several weeks (or even months or years). Sometimes we can look in new partners for completely different qualities that are really important to us. Fortunately, to deal with all this, scientists are doing their research.
Self-control and discipline as the key to success in love
For example, in 2011 alone, the American Journal of Personality and Social Psychology published four articles on how self-control and conscientiousness affect the quality of a relationship.
In three of these studies, scientists found that a person’s ability to control himself is one of the important factors in terms of staying faithful to his partner. Apparently, those people who are able not to break the diet and deny themselves a juicy hamburger are also able to resist the temptation in case of flirting.
It was also found that partners of people with a high level of self-discipline trust such people much more. Thus, this character trait can be considered as fundamental for building safe relationships for both partners.
Conscientiousness is a quality of personality, akin to self-discipline. Four studies have found that self-control and conscientiousness are key to keeping promises made to a partner. As for the very fact of having feelings towards a person, they do not guarantee that the promise will be kept.
Thus, regardless of love, it is not feelings that play a decisive role in relationships. This, of course, is contrary to common sense. But if you want to find a really good partner, and not a nerve that drives you crazy, there are a few more important features for your attention.
Self-discipline is used by us in order to direct attention in the right direction. That is why, from the very beginning of your acquaintance, try to notice how attentive your new passion is towards you. Keep track of how this person is disciplined in other things. Does he or she pay attention to small details? Does he strive to be successful at work? Or is it constantly distracted? If a person is distracted, his ability to self-control is poorly developed.
The ability to delay gratification
Self-discipline also allows you to put off what you want until it becomes acceptable. If your new acquaintance is worried that he will have dinner half an hour late, you should pay attention to this. And if he or she has huge debts on a credit card, most likely, this person’s patience has burst into tears.
Ability to plan
A conscientious person is able to make a plan and stick to it. Not that these plans should take up the entire diary. However, they should contain at least some general idea.
And having screwed up, there are people who do not plan anything and live like children. At first, their spontaneity captivates; but then it becomes a real problem.
People with a high level of self-control are able to carry out their work to the end. This does not mean that they are all geniuses and multimillionaires. However, a reliable person always finishes what he starts – even if it takes several months or years. In contrast, chronic talkers and idlers fill your ears with noodles of promises. But the relationship with you, most likely, will become their next unfinished project.
So feelings alone, and even more so physical attractiveness alone, is not enough for a good relationship. Look for the described characteristics in new acquaintances, and you will certainly be able to find a worthy partner.
The guarantee of a successful relationship is the nature of the partner?