The mother-in-law hates the daughter-in-law and does nasty things – how to behave? When getting married, I want you to be just the two of you, decide everything yourself, take responsibility, establish your own rules and norms within the framework of intra-family communication.
But sometimes the mother-in-law is so actively involved in your family life that you have entered into n with ° syinter. And this marriage is clearly not a happy one. What to do in this case?
Why do conflicts arise?
This behavior of the mother-in-law has its own reasons, which have nothing to do with you and with the fact that you are a “good” wife or. And when you understand why she behaves this way, you will be able to better understand what is happening and competently rebuke.
Possible reasons for the behavior of the mother-in-law:
- she lacks attention – she does not have her own affairs and interests, she experiences loneliness, even if she lives with her husband, and even conflict relationships give her a sense of her own importance;
- she raised her son “for herself” – from the very beginning, the son was the only meaning of life for her, and she is convinced that she should be the only significant person in his life, and she is jealous of you, because you took away what, according to her opinion belongs to her;
- “Mom knows best” – the desire to be needed, to show your authority, to cause you and your husband a feeling of dependence, which allows her to feel power and control;
- she did not separate from her son – she still feels psychologically dependent on him, and her life, even with work and other things, is ultimately limited only to the role of the mother, which she is not ready to leave.
Such reasons cause the mother-in-law to desire to be part of your family, and the most important part. She begins to resort to manipulative behavior, trying to negatively affect your self-esteem and instill in your son a sense of guilt for “leaving mom for another.”
But whatever the reason behind this behavior, it is important for you to understand it in order to realize that your mother-in-law is a deeply unhappy woman who has an internal conflict and a sense of dissatisfaction with her life.
If she had howled well, if she had a confident and independent personality,
For the purpose of svekroví there may also be a feeling of fear of old age and loneliness, it seems to her that everything is about her. It is not necessary to understand and understand, it is possible, it is the subject – this is what is happening in the world.
How to defend your family boundaries?
First of all, his task is to protect you and his new family. Because no matter how much you argue with his mother, it will not help if the man does not realize that now he is the head of the family, and not a little boy who is afraid to upset his mother.
But if the husband does not take responsibility, you should not criticize him and make claims – this will only arouse in him a desire to defend himself, to justify himself and his mother. You need to speak frankly with your husband when you are alone:
- do not “attack” the mother-in-law, but explain to your husband your feelings and experiences;
- listen to his opinion, how he feels when a conflict occurs between you and your mother-in-law;
- skatether, you respect your mother and appreciate it, you understand that it’s better, but you don’t care
- take your husband more to questions – does he consider it normal that his mother commands in his family, does he understand what you are experiencing at such a moment, etc .;
- show that you need a man, his help and protection, this will help him realize how angry it is on him
- make a mutual decision – you must develop a plan of action together that will help you minimize the number of conflicts between you and your mother-in-law.
To begin with, it is worth designating the boundaries of communication. For example, reduce the number of meetings, ask the mother-in-law to come without a call, and 20 you fat ste, limit. In such a situation, the husband must set priorities and boundaries for your family.
Why are you mad at your mother-in-law?
It is important that you learn not to succumb to the manipulative behavior of your mother-in-law and learn to control your emotional reactions, because if she brings you to emotions, she always gets what she wants, exposing you as a “bad”, “hysterical” who offends her .
Think about why your mother-in-law’s behavior hurts you so much, because you don’t owe her anything, you are two adult non-zikrs.
If you have well-built personal boundaries, you will not be hurt by her behavior, you will stop reacting to it, and over time, the mother-in-law will stop trying to manipulate you, because she will not get what she wants.
In order to achieve this, you need to understand the reasons for your acute reaction to her behavior.
- Unfinished relationship with your mom
You involuntarily feel small when you communicate with your mother-in-law, it seems to you that you have to prove something, justify yourself or try to “win” her. This is what is needed in the association with the subject, which is controlled and controlled.
In order to find inner integrity, you need this gestalt and psychologically straightening it out, ;
- Fear of being a “bad wife”
However, it is not necessary to say that there are so many people who are addicted to it. To cope with this, it is important to increase your self-confidence and develop self-esteem adequate to reality.
- Fear that a man will prefer mom over you
Usually behind this is a lack of trust in a relationship with a man, you cannot rely on him. In such a situation, it is important not to fight with the mother-in-law, but to work on improving relations with her husband.
How to defend your personal boundaries?
If you want, it is possible to say in two words:
- realize the reason for her behavior and the fact that she has nothing to do with you, but is dictated by the complexes of her mother-in-law;
- if you write it as a reaction and it is not possible to realize that it is real;
- stop playing along with her manipulations – just don’t react the way she expects you to;
- do not react emotionally – if you feel that you do not wash, pay attention;
- learn to say “no” to the mother-in-law and allow yourself to disagree with her opinion, while doing it completely casually;
- develop an ironic attitude towards her attempts to “ruin your life.”
Conflicts in the family will stop when you and your husband gain psychological independence, start a constructive dialogue with your mother-in-law, while maintaining restraint and calmness, and clearly let her know that your family is only yours and you yourself will figure everything out.