Things to Keep in Mind When Dating Someone Who’s Been Through a Breakup! It’s not very pleasant to realize that while you are walking in the park or drinking coffee, your partner is in the clouds and remembers the former. At first, you think that you do not live up to his requirements. Then, quite naturally, you get angry at the chosen one, and he is perplexed, why suddenly there were changes in your character. It’s much worse if the partner even strives to say that before you there was a girl next to him who cooked better, laughed louder, hugged more often…
Pay attention to hidden signals
If on dates a partner incessantly speaks negatively about the former, he clearly still understands the past relationship. Maria Sullivan, vice president of Dating.com, argues that such behavior is akin to a red flag: it indicates that the chosen one is clearly not ready to invest in a new union.
It’s normal when some things remind you of the former, but if a person himself doesn’t get them out of his head in any way, this is not a good sign. It is in your right to say that his behavior is unreasonable, especially if the partner accuses the ex-lover of troubles.
The other extreme should also alert – when the chosen one immediately offers to move in, get a dog, conceive a child, get married and buy a house on the seashore. Chelsea breakup coach Lee Trescott believes that in this way he wants to get rid of the oppressive feeling of loneliness and take place in his eyes as a successful partner. Here you should analyze the steps of the satellite, wonder if he is rushing things, and discuss with him the conclusions that you have come to.
Things to Keep in Mind When Dating Someone Who’s Been Through a Breakup!
See if he’s worried
Often, people who have experienced betrayal or abuse by a former partner can show fear and anxiety in new relationships, in many ways reminiscent of codependence: worry if you do not answer messages for a long time, get angry when you devote more time to friends than to him. It is unlikely that he does this with malicious intent – rather, it is important for him that the traumatic situation does not repeat itself in a new relationship. Remember to be patient with the chosen one, but do not give him the opportunity to manipulate you.
If this is the first time you have seen a partner in an anxious mood, discuss the situation with him and let him know that you are not a toxic ex. In general, processing – the analysis of problems together with a partner – is a winning tactic here, especially if you are sure that you do not want to become a band-aid for the state of mind of your chosen one.
Don’t forget that you must have boundaries
You can help a person deal with a breakup, but only if they ask you to. You should not drag your partner on yourself either mentally or physically – there will be little sense from such a relationship. You will have to take full care of the satellite and at the same time not be able to take time for yourself and take care of your needs. Over time, such an alliance will only drain, and meetings with a partner exist in order to bring joy.
If you are just starting a conversation, immediately discuss what you want from each other, how often you want to see each other, which is unacceptable or natural for you. Remember that in a relationship with someone who has recently gone through a breakup, a sense of tact is important, but you should not spend a disproportionate amount of energy on communicating with a companion. Don’t forget about your personal space and let your partner know about it.
Know that sometimes you need to leave a relationship.
When communicating with a partner, watch yourself: track your well-being, pay attention to internal signals. If you feel uncomfortable or even anxious in a relationship, take some time off.
Instead of running out of potential connection, give each other time and space so each of you can take care of yourself. In this case, it is not necessary to break the communication channels. You can stay in the spotlight, signaling that you’re ready to start over.
During the time you reflect on relationships in solitude, you will figure out if you need them at all. Don’t be afraid to leave a broken-up partner if one of you is uncomfortable, and don’t blame yourself for the breakup – sometimes people just don’t get along. Things to Keep in Mind When Dating Someone Who’s Been Through a Breakup!