Tips on how to leave your husband, even if you have a child? A good husband, a happy and healthy family is the dream of every woman. But, unfortunately, the real reality is very different from pipe dreams. Instead of a caring and loving husband, a woman gets a tyrant and a despot. And the home nest sometimes turns into a suffocating cage, from which one so wants to escape. In such cases, the unfortunate spouse begins to think about divorce and think daily about how to leave her husband.
Leo Tolstoy’s book “Anna Karenina” begins with the words: “All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” There are many reasons for divorce. An ideal marriage without hassle is possible only in a fairy tale. In real life, spouses have to find a compromise, work on relationships, their shortcomings, be able to forgive and smooth out sharp corners in order to create a strong and happy family.
Often a guy and a girl, wanting to live together, are not ready to make such sacrifices. Being selfish, none of the spouses goes to a meeting, does not value each other, and the divorce occurs out of stupidity and thoughtlessness. In some cases, it is really worth closing your eyes to many things, learning to understand and forgive your husband and try to save the relationship. But there are situations when family life turns into hell.
Serious reasons for divorce
Sometimes neighbors and relatives cannot see what is happening behind the walls of the houses and apartments of their relatives and friends. And only the eyes of a woman, with the expression of a driven doe, aggressive or gloomy children indicate that the family is uncomfortable and bad. For many reasons, it is really worth it for a wife to end her family life and think about how to leave her husband. The following reasons require serious action:
- When a husband is addicted to alcohol or drugs, he is not amenable to treatment and other beliefs. With such a husband and father, neither the woman nor the children will see anything good.
- The aggressive behavior of her husband is one of the important reasons why a woman should reconsider her attitude towards marriage. It is impossible to allow assault both in the direction of the spouse and children. There is nothing worse than a beaten mother and frightened children. Violence and humiliation in the family must be strictly suppressed, and in case of ongoing situations, the union must be immediately terminated.
- Sometimes the reason for a divorce can be the complete indifference of the husband to what is happening. He is not interested in children, wife. He lives his own life. Dedicates time to friends, his entertainment. Both the children and the spouse feel superfluous and unnecessary in his life.
- Frequent infidelity of a husband is a pretty good reason for divorce. The wife becomes unhappy, torn, hysterical. She pays little attention to children who observe the sad relationship of their parents.
- Gambling addiction is one of the reasons why a woman should think about breaking up a marriage. If a man does not want to part with his favorite hobby, the consequences for the family can be the most disastrous.
Deciding to end a relationship on your own
The decision to divorce is up to each woman to make on her own. She can consult with friends, a psychologist, relatives, but at the same time decide for herself what to do. In no case should you give in to pressure from relatives and friends and leave your husband, only on the basis of their assumptions. But it’s not worth doing self-deception either. Many unfortunate wives find it easier to close their eyes and endure an unpleasant and cruel reality than to change something in their lives. Watching humiliation and disrespect on the part of a spouse, they often comfort themselves with the following words:
- “I live with him and endure this, only for the sake of the children”
- “He’s bound to change”
- “It’s my own fault that he does this to me.”
- “Nothing terrible, everyone lives like that …”
Don’t be comforted by false beliefs
Do not engage in self-deception. There is only one life, and it is worth living happily.
- There is no need to endure humiliation and beatings, only that the father and the breadwinner live next to the children. Little and mature family members will not be happy and grateful to their parents who helped them live in an atmosphere of fear and tension. It is better to divorce your husband and help develop the friendship between the children and the father than to stay married and instill in the children disgust and hatred of the parent.
- It is not a fact that a negligent spouse will change his attitude towards his wife and children, if there is nothing to change. People just don’t change. The aggressiveness and ignorance of the husband will not correct the “sheepish” behavior of the wife and the over obedience of the zatyukanny children.
- In some cases, the spouse, indeed, can provoke her husband to bad deeds and irritation. But if the humiliating and aggressive actions of the spouse are regularly repeated, you should not justify the behavior of the tyrant.
- No need to console yourself with the fact that the surrounding families are also unhappy. Don’t you want a happier fate for yourself? It is better to pay attention to those who were able to build happy relationships after breaking the Gordian knot.
Think through all the details
Thinking about a divorce, a woman must definitely weigh everything and think it over. Especially if the family brings up common children.
- It is advisable to write down all the positive and negative aspects of marriage. There is nothing to hide or “brighten up”. This list is necessary so that a woman can take a sober look at her family life from the outside.
- You need to talk to your kids if they don’t tell dad about “heartfelt conversations with mom.” If we are talking about kids, then you should not injure their state of mind ahead of time. Especially if the woman has not decided on the decision to divorce.
- Be sure to think through all the nuances: where to live, how to provide for yourself and children, what kind of relationship to maintain with your ex-spouse after a divorce.
Talk to spouse
Before a divorce, you should first talk with your husband. Perhaps a man will take into account his mistakes and change his behavior. In some cases, a woman may temporarily leave her husband alone. Such a “time out” will help both her and her spouse to be apart from each other, rethink values, and make some kind of “divorce rehearsal”. If the pause did not help to “remake” the guilty party, then parting becomes inevitable. You should not convince yourself otherwise, and take drastic measures.
Leave an abusive husband
In some families, relationships quickly come to naught and the spouses mutually go to divorce. But sometimes, a woman is tormented in a suffocating marriage with a dictator – her husband, and is afraid to leave him. A man perceives a woman as his own thing, as a slave and stops any attempts to “break free”. He intimidates the unfortunate victim, locks them up at home, takes away the phone and cuts off all paths to “freedom” and “normal life”. A desperate and frightened woman resigns herself to her unfortunate fate and is afraid to change her life, convincing herself that it will be even worse. No need to be deceived! Millions of unfortunate wives have taken a step forward and were able to change their lives for the better! They, too, were scared, uncomfortable, sad, but they strove for a better fate and achieved their goal.
Being in a family boat with a tyrant, a wife should carefully consider how to leave her husband. It is necessary to think through all the details in order to protect yourself and your children from the aggression of a spouse who categorically does not agree to a divorce and threatens family members.
- It is important to weigh everything carefully and think it over. First of all, decide on the future place of residence. It is easier to leave an abusive spouse than to kick him out of the house. Finding a home for yourself and your children is an important task.
- Get support from family and friends.
- Consult with a lawyer about divorce and alimony. Collect and hide the necessary documents in advance: passport, make photocopies.
- In the case of a marriage with a despot, from whom it is problematic and difficult to leave, it may be worthwhile to transfer the necessary things to a new place of residence in advance. Upon learning of the wife’s departure, an angry husband may forbid access to personal belongings in order to manipulate her and the situation.
- No need to be afraid of outside help. If a cruel husband begins to dissolve his hands, then you should immediately contact the police. Your own health and life is more important than far-fetched fears and complexes.
How not to make mistakes with children?
Before leaving her husband, a woman should talk to his relatives. Do not stoop to claims, rudeness and insults. Perhaps, having heard her version of the divorce, the relatives of the spouse will be able to understand her and become friendly with her. It is important to pay attention to children. They may suffer greatly from the fact that their beloved mom and dad now live separately.
What absolutely cannot be done:
- Ignore suffering, strange behavior and questions from children.
- Ask heartbreaking questions: who do you love more, dad or mom?
- To break down on children, to shout, and even more so, to beat.
- Pour out the soul to children, insulting the negligent father and spouse.
- Forbid children to communicate with their father, if dates do not pose a physical or moral threat to them.
- Do not manipulate the child by communicating with the former spouse.
How to help your child cope?
It is important not to make mistakes in raising children when parents get divorced. Any change brings with it stressful feelings, especially for children. It doesn’t matter what age they are: kids or adult teenagers. The following steps will help reduce the severity of feelings during the divorce of parents:
- Listen to the experiences of the child, try to support him and assure him that everything will definitely be fine. Do not ignore any alarm bells in his behavior and words. Do not neglect the advice of a qualified psychologist.
- If the children are young, then at first they should not talk about divorce. It’s better to just say that mom and dad will now live separately. The kid will eventually get used to new circumstances, and he can find out about the real reasons later, when he grows up and understands the behavior of his mother.
- With older children, it is worth talking about divorce calmly and restrainedly, without going into details and without being carried away by rudeness against a negligent husband. If a child wants to communicate with his father, he should not be forbidden unless there are serious reasons for this.
Don’t get depressed
Divorce is never painless. No wonder it is called the “little death”. Therefore, women often do not dare to take such a step and entail a miserable state in an unhappy family. There is no need to be afraid of changes if they become the beginning of a new, rich life. In order not to get bogged down in difficult experiences, a woman must follow these recommendations:
- Talk to a psychologist, pour out your soul to family and friends.
- Pay attention to yourself: go in for sports, update your wardrobe, find an interesting hobby.
- Pay attention to children (they also have a hard time now). Go to the park, swimming pool, visit the children’s theater or watch a new cartoon.
- If possible, stay on friendly terms with your husband. This will be useful to both if the spouses have children in common.
In some cases, separated from each other, a divorced man and woman come to the decision to get together and start over, without past mistakes. Or realize that divorce was the best solution for their situation.
Return relationship or not
To get along with an ex-husband or not, the decision is not an easy one. A woman should carefully weigh it and think over:
- Is it possible, in their case, to renew the relationship.
- Will it be good for her and her children.
In fact, a person can change for the sake of loved ones and dear people. But it is not worth falling for the same rake if there is no progress.
Don’t make new mistakes
After parting with her husband, a woman must reconsider her life and understand what she wants for the future, herself and her children. A big mistake is made by divorcees who immediately seek to start a new relationship, convincing themselves that it will be better for her and the children. It is important to understand that marriage is serious work. Disappointments in the past should serve as a serious lesson from which important thoughts and arguments must be drawn in order to build a happy relationship in the future.
How to leave your husband and start a new life with a child. Tips on how to leave your husband, even if you have a child?