Often a guy, in response to a girl’s sympathy, offers to “just remain friends” and in most cases this is just a polite refusal, after which communication simply fades away. But it happens that a guy really wants to communicate, but does not want a relationship.
Why is this happening? How to distinguish one from the other? And what is the danger of such a situation for a girl?
Polite refusal or real interest
Before thinking about why he doesn’t want a relationship, it’s important to understand just how nick the offer to be friends is. It is dangerous to fall into an illusion backed up by one’s own expectations and hopes.
To understand how his interest is real, pay attention to the following signs:
- he is interested in you and your life;
- he calls first, periodically writes to you, that is, he also takes the initiative;
- he really knows you, for example, what you like, what you are interested in;
- he is in a good mood when you are around;
- he has time to communicate with you, that is, he does not say that he is busy all the time, that he has a lot to do, etc .;
- he gives you emotional support;
- he shares with you personal.
All this suggests that he is really interested in keeping in touch with you.
But if you notice that any initiative comes only from you, that a man reluctantly and far from always responds to your proposals, that he does not show emotions next to you, keeps aloof, this is a reason to think about whether he needs this communication.
Genes, smell and first love
Sometimes a situation in which a man does not want a relationship develops because you are interesting to him, but he does not feel attraction and does not see you as his chosen one.
Passion is a chemical and hormonal reaction of the body to a certain person. People are used to thinking that they choose their partners according to external data. No score of this before is a matter of genes.
Klaus Wedekind, together with his Swiss colleagues, conducted the “Smelly T-shirt” experiment, which proved that at the physical level, people are attracted to those partners who have the greatest genetic compatibility with them. And it is determined by smell.
Therefore, the smell of some seems more pleasant, while others are simply repulsive. This idea was developed by Daniel Davis in his book Gene Compatibility.
Another reason that influences the choice of a potential partner is the image of their future wife or husband. It is based on:
- how the child perceives the parents – what matters here is not what they really were, but how he saw them;
Man doesn’t want a relationship
- on what attitudes he was raised – for example, “A wife should be a good housewife” or “You need to marry only modest ones”;
- what role models he had – these are the people who admired him and those with whom they fell in love;
- what previous experience he had – if you subconsciously remind him of his ex, who broke his heart.
You can be outwardly attractive, but if a particular person does not have a “full picture” of suitable genes and a subconscious image of his soulmate, he will not want to build a relationship.
This does not mean that he is not interested in you as a person, so he wants to limit himself to just being friendly with you.
TOP 5 reasons why men do not want to build relationships
If you are convinced that the guy really wants to communicate with you, then you need to figure out what motives drive his unwillingness to build relationships.
There are 5 main reasons:
- He has other relationships, but he is not sure about them
Sometimes a guy really likes you, but he already has a girlfriend. Perhaps not everything is going smoothly in the relationship, perhaps he has not yet decided whether she is really “the one”. He is in a situation of difficult choice.
Maintaining contact with you, he, as it were, leaves a “fallback option” in case nothing happens with that one.
- He did not recover after the breakup
It happens that a man has already actually parted, but psychologically has not yet accepted the situation. On the other hand, the path of your home and the oxygen, the situation of the body and the soul. With his thoughts, he is still in those relationships, deep down he hopes that everything can be returned. Or he no longer hopes, but he does not have enough resources to start a new relationship.
In this case, he keeps in touch not to lose you, but to gain time to recover.
- He has no relationship, but he is afraid of loneliness
This is another form of “fallback”. The man is lonely, but not sure if you are the one. However, he continues to communicate simply in order to feel that there is someone nearby who cares about me.
This helps him relieve anxiety and tension, because a man convinces himself that if he doesn’t meet anyone else, he can always start a relationship with you. Most often this happens if you fit him in all “parameters”, but in some way “fall short” in his opinion.
For example, you don’t cook well or your goals don’t converge. Perhaps he thinks this will change over time.
Such a relationship can be dangerous, because it suggests that a man is looking for his “ideal” that is, a person who will fit his standards. Perhaps he will never be able to find him, and the habit of looking for faults will remain with him forever.
- He is afraid of relationships
In this case, it is likely that a man really likes you, but he is not ready for a serious relationship:
- does not want to change the habitual way of life;
- cannot make a decision;
- not ready to take responsibility;
- it seems to him that now is not the time;
- right now he has other priorities.
But usually behind all this there is a deep fear of intimacy, a person begins to put off life for later, always find a reason not to build relationships and not start a family.
- He had a bad experience in a serious relationship
Sometimes traumatic situations in the past, betrayal, betrayal, can negatively affect a person, and now he avoids relationships, subconsciously afraid to relive that pain again.
A characteristic sign of this reason will be that the guy does not build relationships with anyone at all, sometimes even declaring that he does not plan to start a family.
Whatever the reason, it is important to accept the situation that a man is not in the mood for a relationship and survive it so as not to let the eternal expectation deprive yourself of the opportunity for happiness with another person.