TOP 5 ways to make up with a girl after a strong quarrel. A stormy scandal thundered, you both got excited and said nasty things to each other, you already regretted everything yourself, but evil words continue to sound in your ears … All this means that you need to go to put up. But how?
In general, scandals and quarrels in relationships are normal (from time to time, and not so that relationships basically consist of this), but after them, reconciliation, a cold-blooded and calm discussion of the causes of conflicts and, of course, some amenities for a loved one must follow to return warmth, calmness and tenderness to your relationship. How all this can be done – you will read below.
How to make up with a girl after a fight?
Method one: vent your anger.
Yes, oddly enough, this is a really important step in reconciliation. The fact is that after a quarrel, both of you are probably on edge, her offensive words still sound in your head, more and more claims arise that you would like to voice, and thoughts on how to respond to her offensive statements.
Under such circumstances and with such feelings, young people often become passive-aggressive.
They seem to be trying to make peace, the scandal has already died down, but every now and then a sarcastic phrase slips, passive aggression, causticity – and now the conflict is entering a new round. Surely this has happened to you more than once, or your friends or loved ones have done this.
So, in order to avoid all this, it is necessary to throw out anger to both her and you. To do this, you can, for example, disperse in different directions so as not to hook each other, and throw out your anger in a comfortable way. It can be screaming, smashing dishes (buy yourself a kit specifically for this enjoyable activity), tearing paper, hitting a pillow, throwing out everything that has accumulated in writing or recording on a voice recorder.
Anger can be thrown out together if your couple has enough trusting relationships. For example, you can arrange a pillow fight. So you will throw out aggression in a playful, half-joking manner, but do not harm each other and do not quarrel again.
Give her space.
After a quarrel, especially if the quarrel is serious, loud, with mutual accusations and claims, people often want to be alone, digest and analyze what happened. It may be necessary for both you and her – after all, she, too, could well offend you with something.
A pause is needed so that your brain realizes everything that happened and logically, unemotionally everything laid out: here you were right, and here she was right, you shouldn’t have said these words, here you had to choose a completely different intonation, then it would have sounded normal, here I am was just a complete jerk, here she quite rightly got angry with me … And so on.
Also, a pause is needed in order to emotionally recover, because usually quarrels are accompanied by violent emotions, often tears from the side of the girl, violent emotions from the side of the man. Going from this outburst to “shusi-pusi, I love you, and I love you more” or even just to your usual, even, friendly communication is simply physiologically impossible, because you are both reared up and on your nerves.
So give her space if she needs it. Don’t call, don’t cling to her, be respectful of her needs, and most importantly, don’t reproach her with this later, because it will certainly be very, very hurtful for her. You don’t want to hurt her again, do you?
It’s better to use the pause yourself in order to analyze everything that happened, calm down and not let emotions control you and your actions.
After a quarrel, there will certainly be a need to discuss what happened already with a cold head. In order not to break into a new round of conflict, it is important to follow a few rules.
First, communicate with I-statements. This is when you designate only your feelings in connection with the current situation and in no way characterize your partner as a person. Such statements help to convey your emotions to her in an environmentally friendly way, but not to offend. They are built according to the following scheme: “I feel (feeling) when you (her act). I would like you to (change of act). What can I do about it?
For example: “I feel anger, misunderstanding, resentment and pain when you show jealousy towards me. It seems unfair to me, because I do not do anything, in my opinion, reprehensible. I would like us not to sort things out in public about this, and so that you do not take offense at me for spending time with my old girlfriends – we are really just friends. What can I do about it?
The opposite of this statement: “Yes, I didn’t cheat on you, jealous hysteric, if it doesn’t reach you, stop bullying me!”.
Second, don’t cling to the need to be right and have the last word. The two of you are against the problem, not against each other, remember?
Third: don’t make excuses. “You misunderstood everything”, “I didn’t mean it”, “I didn’t mean to offend you”, “I felt very bad at that moment, and here you are, you just fell under a hot hand”, “Well, it’s It’s just a joke, don’t you understand humor?
Some of these statements are simply manipulative. But even if not, it doesn’t really matter what you had in mind and what guided you. There is a fact: you offended your loved one. Take responsibility for it.
If you feel an urgent need to explain yourself by all means, then do it later, when the main passions subside, or with her permission. You can say, “Can I explain my actions? Will it make it easier for you?” And respect her decision.
Fourth: don’t blame her. A strict ban is imposed on all personality characteristics. “You distort”, “You overreact to everything”, “You are too jealous” (or any other) – all this is very offensive and suggests that you are not ready for a normal, adult conversation. The maximum that you can afford is to speak exclusively about your feelings and only about them, but not to give characteristics to her.
Fifth, touching sensitive topics that will definitely hurt her is also forbidden.
And the last thing: one quarrel or one serious conversation – one problem. Otherwise, it is too easy to get bogged down in showdowns, mutual claims, pain and emotions.
After a major quarrel, do not forget to show tenderness and attention to your loved one. It is better if it is something small: careful affectionate gestures, unobtrusive compliments, a willingness to be there, to care and support if necessary. Tell her how important she is to you, compliment her often, touch her gently. Let her feel loved again.
Whether to make large-scale surprises is a moot point, everything is individual here. The fact is that after a serious quarrel, a girl may not be ready to overjoy and thank you, plus it often looks like “I offended you – I put a broom of roses in your teeth in order to quickly hush up the situation and not change anything, because – what do you still need, I bought you a broom.
By the way.
One of the most important points of reconciliation after a quarrel is to agree that each of you will change your behavior so that this does not happen again. Sit across from each other and calmly talk about your mistakes that led to the quarrel, and what you will do in the future to avoid this.