Top Questions for Girls to Ask Before a Relationship. Tired of asking simple, superficial, ridiculous questions on a date? It would seem that literally everything has been discussed, but is there still tension and absolute misunderstanding in the conversation? These problems can be quickly solved if you immediately direct the conversation in the right direction. But what is there to talk about then? How to recognize your chosen one by choosing only certain topics for discussion? The article describes exactly those questions for girls that will best help to study their character, views and principles.
1. Did you have a happy childhood?
The conditions of growing up, the model of the family, the level of conflict in it, the style of upbringing, to a large extent, influence the formation and development of the individual. Yes, some people experience family trauma more easily than others, but in any case, such problems leave an imprint. The more serious the situation, the more likely it is that a person will have serious complexes. If a girl grew up or still lives in an oppressive, unstable, or overtly violent environment, she may experience:
- fear of being alone. It is expressed in two variants – slavish service or hysterics. In the first case, the person completely dissolves in relationships, she does not have her own goals, dreams, ambitions, interests, she lives by other people’s views. In the second, a person rolls up scandals every time he thinks that he can be abandoned. Even if it’s clearly not;
- inappropriate jealousy. Surveillance of a man, checking his gadgets, quarrels amid baseless suspicions, attempts to track down information through the guy’s acquaintances – this is not a complete list of possible difficulties;
- sense of ownership. Women with this trait are distinguished by increased selfishness. They are not particularly interested in the feelings or opinions of their chosen ones, so they will win or keep them by any means. The whole set of tricks will be used – from household blackmail to dubious love potions;
- dependence. People with this problem are completely unable to entertain themselves on their own. Such a girl will call the guy at work a hundred times, complain of boredom, feign bad health at the moments when he decides to spend time with friends/relatives without her;
- infantilism. Young ladies of this type behave childishly in situations that require an adult serious approach. They do not want to develop in any way, take responsibility for their actions, solve problems, but they have many disproportionate requests.
If a new acquaintance had/has some problems in the family, it makes sense to ask her a couple of leading questions in order to determine the presence/absence/degree of such complexes. For example: “What do you consider cheating or a serious reason for jealousy?”, “What would you do if the Internet suddenly turned off for you, and the weather outside was too bad to go anywhere?”. But delving into the details of conflicts from her childhood is clearly not the best idea.
If the young lady is doing well in this regard, she will most likely look for a man with whom she can create a similar family. In this case, it is advisable to ask the lady in more detail about her parents, because their relationship is her personal ideal.
Top Questions for Girls to Ask Before a Relationship.
2. What do you do when you are bored?
This question will help determine if the girl has a complex of dependence and/or immaturity. For a young lady who cares about personal development, knows how to find activities for herself, the answer will be ready in a few seconds. She will list several of her hobbies, which will allow you to find out her common interests and priorities, to understand how versatile she is.
If the lady is used to having fun at the expense of her young man (both financially and emotionally), the following phrases will give her away:
- “I don’t know”, “I have no idea”, “I won’t tell” and the like;
- “It’s hard to say”, “I can’t answer right away” without continuing the thought;
- “A lot of things” without specifying/listing occupations;
- “I’m going out with my friends” if that’s the only answer;
- “What about you?” answering a question with a question or trying to change the subject;
- “I go shopping / to a bar/hookah/casino” – only bad habits.
Prolonged silence can also become a wake-up call, as well as too long a list of large-scale hobbies. If the list consists of small activities like “Listening to music, playing with the dog, drawing, riding a bike”, everything is fine. But if in moments of short-term boredom, a woman runs to book a tour to Everest, buy an ostrich farm, collect things for moving and sign up for volunteers at the same time, then there may be a problem. You will have to think about whether the interlocutor is deceiving. Such excitement still sometimes testifies to a psychological problem when a person tries to plug an “inner hole” with anything.
3. Are you satisfied with your life?
A question to define optimism-pessimism. The guy will first have to understand what kind of partner he needs – cheerful, cheerful or thoughtful, prudent, cautious. Of course, there are girls who combine these qualities, but still one side at least slightly prevails over the other.
However, even the most inveterate, but adequate pessimists will not complain about life on first dates. So if a woman already at the start of an acquaintance begins to talk about her problems and universal injustice in bright colors, it’s time to think about whether it is worth talking to her. Either she is a grumpy whiner, or she clearly needs something from a guy, and this something is not a healthy relationship at all.
The same question determines other character traits:
- activity/inertia . If she is not satisfied with the conditions in which she lives, but she does not make efforts to fix everything, this indicates her passivity;
- ambition/insecurity . Her life clearly leaves much to be desired, but is she satisfied with everything? It is hardly worth expecting from her changes, activities, growth;
- detail/superficiality. What makes her happy? The general state of affairs or the little things in life?
Not all people think about this topic, so it’s not a fact that a girl will be able to give a quick answer. In this case, it is better to try to find the answer with her. At the same time, you can observe how she relates to the analysis of her thoughts, feelings, and understand whether she is logical or emotional.
Top Questions for Girls to Ask Before a Relationship.
4. What are you proud of?
Such a question will determine not only whether the girl is boastful and what her interests are, but also her activities and attitude towards herself. It is extremely difficult to build something with a person who has unstable or low self-esteem. If it is difficult for her to objectively praise herself and this is not an attempt to fill her own worth, everything speaks of unimportant conceit. What does it mean in a relationship? The girl will:
- refuse compliments or will not believe them, but will fixate on their minuses, and this is a bad mood, quarrels, whining or detachment;
- to be afraid to change your life for the better, to develop in general, which means it will be boring with it;
- experience difficulties in meeting / communicating with relatives and friends of your boyfriend;
- avoid any situations where its disadvantages can be at least slightly manifested. Sometimes this seriously complicates and limits life;
- envy the success of a partner or compare yourself with him, emphasizing how good he is, and she is a nonentity. One can only dream of sincere joint joy.
However, there are a lot of people with low self-esteem. Does this mean that we have to weed them all out? No, you can choose those who are ready to fight their complexes. This is an excellent match for men who themselves would like to improve their self-esteem. Walking this path is better and easier together.
The last thing: a girl can be proud of real awards, such as medals, diplomas, won tenders, and similar prizes. But if some single act, the development of a habit or character trait, becomes the reason for her pride, that is also wonderful. Both options are suitable, even if at first glance the achievement seems small. Everyone has their own path and pace of development.
5. Do you believe in fate and the predestination of life?
All people are somewhat superstitious. Someone has signs or a talisman for good luck, someone believes in dream books and horoscopes. It’s okay as long as everything is within reason. Another thing is if a person considers literally all the events of his life as knowingly predicted by someone or something from above. If a girl is fanatically of the opinion that events are a foregone conclusion, this can result in:
- depression. The thought of one’s own impotence and complete submission hardly makes anyone happy;
- fear or unwillingness to take responsibility. Why does something if everything is already a foregone conclusion? This is beneficial passive thinking;
- levity. It is unlikely that a person will become successful if he simply waits until this very success falls on his head.
Another problem is the search for a “betrothed”. There are women who do not believe in chance and are trying to find “the one” predicted by higher powers. Others believe that the choice of a partner is not a matter of transcendental authorities, but of the person himself.
Both categories of young ladies are suitable for relationships, but each has its own disadvantages and advantages. For example, here are the features of girls who believe in “marriages made in heaven”:
- romantic, able to organize the appropriate atmosphere, often easy-going;
- they do not always see the real essence of the guy, often attributing far-fetched qualities to him and demanding him to match them;
- they are in no hurry to break off relations (in any case, seriously), even if everything goes awry, turn a blind eye to shortcomings;
- rarely ready for the difficulties of living together or marriage, they see a lot through rose-colored glasses;
- in life they rely more on intuition, are distinguished by weak initiative, but they are easier to impress.
Things are somewhat different for women who are accustomed to believing that there are no betrothed. Their typical features :
- willing to work on problems without avoiding/ignoring them;
- they break off relations if they see that the person is no longer suitable for them or their pace of development turned out to be faster than that of their partners;
- can build a relationship with any psychologically mature person with whom they have common goals/views;
- evaluate the essence of the partner, trying to see it as objectively as possible, although they often turn out to be cynics, they are rude, too straightforward;
- it is more difficult to surprise them, to please them, they are not led to trifles, although they are attentive to details in the behavior of their acquaintances.
6. Would you like to live in a metropolis?
It’s a matter of preference and shared goals. People with different characters and even temperaments can create a strong happy family. However, if their goals in life are too different, such an alliance will not last long. The housing issue and the topic of cohabitation seem banal, but they play an important role.
If one of the couple wants to live in a big city, enjoying all the benefits of civilization, and the second stands for the quiet comfort of the suburbs and its nature, a conflict of interest will arise. A way out can be found in separate living, but this option is not suitable for everyone.
Discussing such a topic also helps to assess the depth and number of requests. Big demands from life in themselves are not bad, as well as modest ones. And the problems, in fact, lurk not in them, but in the compatibility of views.
7. Do you have many friends?
The level of sociability, the strength, and duration of relationships, the orientation towards intro- or extraversion are just some of the features that can be found out by asking such a question. If a girl has a wide circle of friends, a large number of friends (just them, and not acquaintances/neighbors / colleagues), most likely she:
- is in no hurry to deepen relations with anyone, maybe afraid of the ensuing problems, responsibility, or does not have the experience of such ties (here, psychological trauma is also possible);
- knows how to interest, she has good communication skills, most likely the ability to flirt is well developed (although it is not a fact that she often or thoughtlessly uses it);
- will often be in the circle of other people, which is especially important for a jealous guy to understand;
- not ready to give up friends in favor of personal life. Communication outside the family is very important for her, so without it she will be unhappy.
Does she have few/no friends? Perhaps the problem (if it is a problem for her at all) is poor socialization, character, depression. However, more often it turns out that this is an introverted girl, and a narrow circle of acquaintances is just a comfort feature for her. In this case, it is more likely:
- prefers quality to quantity, does not like the fuss around him, but tries to devote enough time to his relatives;
- in no hurry to share personal facts, will converge with the guy slowly and gradually;
- she is unlikely to be happy to constantly communicate with relatives, friends of her young man, even if she likes them;
- defends personal space, it is important for her to allocate some time exclusively for herself and her interests. A very active sociable guy will have to occupy himself with something for these periods.
Both extroverts and introverts can play their roles very well in relationships. What is important is the degree of compatibility of the couple and the willingness to move in the same direction.
Top Questions for Girls to Ask Before a Relationship.
8. Do you have taboo topics?
It is better to raise this topic at least out of courtesy and respect for the interlocutor. Few people like to discuss religion, politics, economics, former or too serious things at the first meeting. However, these are general taboo topics that will surface sooner or later anyway. And there are those parts of the conversation that are painful or simply unpleasant for a particular girl. Usually this:
- too personal information;
- psychological and sometimes physical trauma;
- unresolved issues;
- embarrassment, failures from the past;
- secrets of other people (related to their own).
Most likely, the interlocutor will still decide to tell about such moments herself, but this will happen much later, when the relationship becomes more trusting. Until then, it’s best not to bother her with questions, giving her time to prepare for this conversation and make sure that she can fill the guy in on all the details.
By the way, talking about family often becomes a taboo topic. What to do if a friend does not want to communicate at all about her relatives, childhood, and this is important information? Although information about her past can tell a lot, it’s still better not to risk it and refuse to further analyze this part. Besides, this is not the only way to get to know a girl.
9. How do you see your ideal future?
This topic shows how much a woman thinks about her future, whether she relies on herself or other people, what ambitions she has. And most importantly, her answer can be compared with your expectations from life. Little things may differ, there is nothing reprehensible in this. However, if the story of the girl and the thoughts of the guy himself are two different, contradictory pictures, there is no point in taking time from each other.
The problem of many is attempts to “reshape” oneself or a partner so that the vision of the future eventually coincides. How does it end:
- at least one of the couple turns out to be unhappy, earns himself a neurosis;
- claims are aggravated over time, quarrels become more frequent, partners move away, even more, emotional connection is lost;
- unjustified expectations result in insults and accusations, the risk of betrayal, a final and painful break increases;
- problems and inferiority of personal life negatively affect other areas;
- attempts to live up to someone else’s ideal, suppression of one’s own views are an excellent base not only for depression but also for developing and aggravating bad habits (alcoholism, gambling, etc.).
Looking for an ideal partner or a person who can be “fitted” to this ideal are two opposite, but still problems. People don’t change quickly and on someone’s whim. Impeccable “halves”, with which there would be no problems at all, also do not exist. It is much better to find someone whose shortcomings can be accepted and make joint plans without unnecessary sacrifices on both sides. “How do you see your future?” – a good prevention of such problems and one of the reliable indicators of compatibility.
The listed questions for girls make it easier to find a common language with your companion, get to know her better and faster, and determine overall compatibility. In addition, it is advisable to discuss these same topics not only with loved ones, but also with friends, because they contribute to rapprochement and mutual understanding in any relationship. If you ask them correctly, try to analyze the answers, then even one or two conversations will be enough to understand whether you can build something with your interlocutor or not.
Top Questions for Girls to Ask Before a Relationship.