Life, unfortunately, does not give any guarantees. Best friends become strangers to each other, strong marriages fall apart, and milk turns sour prematurely. These are the rules of the game that must be accepted.
Common interests, strong physical attraction and unity of souls are the most famous signs of a promising relationship. What about unpromising relationships? Is it possible to somehow understand on the shore that your union is doomed?
Can. Read this article carefully and analyze your relationship with your partner. Perhaps you yourself have long guessed that something is wrong?
Unpromising relationships: 10 main signs
suppression
Conflict resolution is impossible without a healthy compromise. But do not confuse such concepts as “compromise” and “suppression”. If in order to keep peace in a couple, you have to give up everything that is dear to you and suppress your true desires, can this be called a compromise?
Why can’t you be yourself around this person? Why do you constantly have to adjust and overpower yourself? And an even more important question – how long are you going to endure this?
Concealment
You are afraid to tell the truth about your relationship to anyone. You shy away from asking family and friends. You are haunted by the fear of judgment. Hide, embellish, belittle, lie. You are ready to do anything to protect your partner. Protect… from what?
Your partner should not like absolutely everyone. But why are you so afraid that the truth about your boyfriend or girlfriend won’t please your parents or best friends? Is it about them? Or do you yourself deep down understand that your relationship is not entirely healthy?
Apologies
You constantly apologize. For anything. Friends also noticed this and drew your attention to it. “I’m sorry about my appearance”, “I’m sorry I’m not in the mood today”, “I don’t think so, I’m sorry.”
The habit of constantly apologizing is a wake-up call. Such a problem is typical for victims of moral violence, who are systematically driven into a corner, forced to doubt their own adequacy, to give up their desires and the right to free will. Look at your partner, did he impose this inferiority complex on you?
Budget
You have too different attitude to financial matters. Even if you have complete order with money, a sharp divergence of views can become a serious problem in the future. Is it worth saying that couples with average incomes are simply doomed to constantly harass each other with scandals on this basis?
How to earn money? How to spend them? Save? What amount and where? If one of you prefers to live one day and does not skimp on entertainment, and the other has already calculated all his income up to retirement, problems are inevitable. One of you will have to make concessions. Are you ready for this? What about your partner?
Growth
You must inspire each other to new achievements and growth. This applies to appearance, and career, and the future. How does this work in an unpromising relationship? Your partner does not inspire you to take care of your weight and health, wear beautiful things and look sexy. In the same way, he does not cause a desire to try something new in bed, cook something tasty or try to earn more. You have no incentive to impress and surprise – it seems that a person is not worth such an effort. You live under the motto “And so everything will come down!”
“Well, we just live in stability, what is it??”
Hmm, nothing really. But let me tell you a secret: stability does not exist. You either develop or degrade.
Another wake-up call is that you realize that it is these relationships that are pulling you to the bottom. Before meeting this person, you were full of strength and energy and constantly striving for something. And now from the former fire there was only a light smoke.
exhaustion
Relationships are not only about passionate nights, dinners in beautiful restaurants and traveling with beautiful Instagram photos. Relationships are work. Everything should be in moderation – joy replaces tears, selfishness alternates with care, and work with rest. This is fine. There are no perfect people, so there are no perfect relationships.
But!
When a relationship begins to feel like an endless race with obstacles in the form of quarrels, conflicts, tantrums, scandals and “breakups forever”, it’s time to stop and think carefully. Does it all make sense? Do people get into relationships to suffer?
Past
It is impossible to build a healthy strong relationship with a person who is incapable of it. It is impossible to cure the jealousy of a morbidly jealous person who is constantly trying to find evidence that confirms your infidelity. “Why do you keep pictures with your ex? Are you missing me? Maybe the feelings are still there? And why did you come home yesterday half an hour later than usual and in such a good mood, huh??
Run from the person who constantly pokes your nose at the minor mistakes of the past. Do not try to take on the unbearable burden of “healing” the person who is poisoning your life.
Bed
You sleep separately. You already have a whole list of excuses ready: “he snores”, “she pulls the whole blanket over herself”, “I feel cramped”, “I feel hot”, etc.
Most “unsolvable problems” are not even worth talking about.
Instead, ask yourself why you feel so uncomfortable sleeping next to your (sort of) loved one? If you are tormented by nightmares and insomnia, maybe your subconscious is hinting at something?
When we sleep in an embrace with a loved one, we calm down. We inhale the native smell, we feel warmth and anxiety gradually subside.
Of course, if the person is loved and the relationship with him is healthy. Do you understand what we are getting at?
Insults
Offensive jokes are not the norm. Why date a person who is constantly trying to prick you? Aggression is not always about physical impact. Often, manipulators and abusers prefer to hit verbally. After all, it is very easy to make the victim feel guilty: “It’s not my fault that you don’t understand jokes! How sensitive! I didn’t say anything like that. There is no need to be offended, but to be ashamed.
A loving person will never joke about topics that are painful for you. And if he really wants to help you, for example, to lose weight, he will find another way to motivate you. “I say that you are fat not to offend. I just care about you, I want to motivate you!”
Guilt
The truth is in wine. yours. Is always. No matter what happens, you are always to blame. Partner fired? It’s all because of the tense home environment you’re creating! Partner can’t find a job? And all of you-s-s-s-s!
The partner seems to be stuck somewhere in adolescence. He does not know how to admit his mistakes and take responsibility. Looking for a solution to a problem? Never! It is better to complain about life and feel sorry for yourself.
A healthy relationship is the hard work of two adults. An infantile person is not capable of such a feat. Are you ready to bear everything on yourself and instead of gratitude to receive pokes and accusations?
Test
Is it possible to turn your hopeless relationship into a promising one?
Choose one of the answer options:
A) we are ready to discuss problems;
B) we are ready not only to discuss problems, but also to solve them;
C) we could not discuss the article because we made a scandal before we finished reading it; and in general we do not plan to change anything, we will continue to complain about each other to our friends and endure each other’s brains.
Results: if you chose the first option, then you have a chance, you just need to start acting; if you checked the second option, then you have good prospects – you are two adult mature people.
PS There will be no answers for option B), because you are unlikely to start doing anything anyway until both of you grow up. Or you won’t bring each other to a nervous breakdown. Unpromising relationships: 10 main signs
