What can be dangerous low self-esteem for relationships? Low self-esteem always causes inconvenience to the person suffering from it. However, it can also have a bad effect on his partner, according to psychologists.
The Impact of Self-Esteem on Relationships
Bad times happen to everyone. This may be the loss of a job, the deterioration of relationships with loved ones. When something unpleasant happens, the inner critic is immediately activated: “What kind of person are you … you are not good enough … look at yourself … is it possible to do this …”, and so on.
Self-esteem fluctuations are natural; This is life, you can’t get away from it. However, if self-esteem is constantly below the plinth, you need to pay attention to this. In this case, the lack of confidence can affect not only you, but also your partner.
Scientific research shows that in romantic relationships, self-esteem affects both the satisfaction of the person himself and the degree of satisfaction of his partner. When you feel unwell, the insecurity affects how you communicate with your lover or beloved. And it’s bad for both of you.
Even worse, low self-esteem is so insidious that it can distort your perception of your partner. Such data were obtained in the course of research published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology (“Personality and Social Psychology”). More than 500 respondents of both sexes took part in the survey. The subjects were asked to answer questions related to self-esteem.
After that, they were asked to talk about how they perceived the shortcomings of their partners. It turned out that people with low self-esteem are afraid of what the shortcomings of their partners can potentially lead to. They are also more inclined to look at their relationship in black and white: in a couple, in their opinion, everything is either wonderful or disgusting.
Explanations of experts
Stephen Graham, lead author of the study, explains: “This kind of polarization can have a huge impact on your relationship. For example, I constantly change my mind about you: now I like you, and then I hate you. Naturally, in such relationships, people feel very insecure.”
Predictability in a love affair is extremely important – for her future this factor is decisive. By the way, this indicator is key in relation to the quality of sexual intimacy. In other words, the more predictable the relationship, the better the sex. And vice versa.
“Also, low self-esteem always makes a person worry more about relationships. He begins to worry that his partner will leave him, fall out of love, circle around his finger. Insecure people have fears about things that an ordinary person would not even think about, ”explains Heidi Riggio, a social psychologist. “It leads to panic attacks, morbid jealousy.”
Can self-esteem be strengthened?
“Regardless of what the lack of confidence stems from and how long it lasts, the key to regaining self-esteem is to change your thoughts. Negative ideas need to be replaced with positive ones,” Riggio continues the interview. “Changing the internal dialogue helps a lot in this regard. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Even if it seems completely absurd, make an effort. In the end, this is your psyche and it is up to you to decide what to pay your own attention to – negative or positive.
“If you, for example, begin to doubt your attractiveness, stop and think instead of your own merits. Remind yourself that negative self-talk is a fiction, a distortion of reality. And its appearance only speaks of the need to change the old script and tell yourself something good instead of nasty things, ”advises Heidi Riggio. “Training yourself to good thoughts is quite real. The more you practice, the more confident you will become.”