What destroys the relationship between a loving man and woman? Relationships are not easy. People sometimes cannot agree, find a common language, or understand each other. In the case of conflicts where the book is in the air. How to stop making mistakes in communication and learn to interact more constructively with those who are dear to you?
What destroys the relationship between a loving man and woman?
There are several habits of behavior patterns that are “lose” over and over again in a relationship, and which
- Wanting to be right
Initially, in a relationship, everyone wants to be in harmony, and experience happiness and harmony. If there are conflicts between these two, it will be on the other side of the plane.
People begin to make arguments that are not relevant at all – to recall their past grievances and the mistakes of a partner in order to gain an advantage.
There is a misunderstanding, and the main reason for the quarrel remains unresolved.
How to overcome it:
- prioritize – think about what is more important to you: prove your case or solve a problem;
- learn to put yourself in the place of another person – think about what he feels, what he is afraid of, why he experiences this or that;
- learn to admit your mistakes instead of proving someone else’s – by admitting you are wrong, you will remove the “protection” of the interlocutor, he will understand that he is not being attacked, so he will be able to admit what he was wrong about.
It is important that the desire to negotiate is mutual when both of you are ready to come to an agreement.
- Failure to take care of yourself
They often talk about the need to take care of loved ones, be able to give in, forgive, be wiser, be tolerant. This is all true, but with only one caveat – you need to be in a resourceful state so that you have enough strength for all this.
And that is possible only if people think about themselves and their psychological and physical health.
For example, a girl came tired from work and started cleaning, while a man is resting on the couch. On the one hand, she takes care of him, on the other, she forgets about herself. She will begin to be offended at first, then annoyed, and then angry with the man.
In the end, this can turn into a quarrel. A man also experiences negative emotions. At first he is grateful to her for the cleanliness in the house, but then he has a subconscious feeling of guilt that he is resting, and, as a result, also irritation.
5 ways to resolve conflict
To overcome this, you need to listen to yourself, your needs. Rest when you feel like it and eri eo well it feels bly, the time of time together is beln and relaxes.
- Inability to recognize your emotions in time
Many conflicts between close people happen only because they are overwhelmed with it at some point. Often people do not know how they feel and why, because they do not even have time to think about it.
For example, a mother gets angry at her son who came home late and begins to scold him. His level of cortisol, the stress hormone, jumps up, defensive reactions are triggered: either attack and blame the mother for not understanding him, or leave, slamming the door.
What could be an alternative scenario? The son returned late, the mother is angry. But instead of throwing out her aggression on him, she stops, listens to herself and tries to figure out what is happening to her now.
Yes, she is angry, but not because her son is bad, but because she was afraid for him. She doesn’t want this to happen again and is trying hard to stop his behavior. It is better to talk about your true feelings and help your son understand her feelings, give him the opportunity to fast on.
In order to better understand each other and be aware of your emotions, you need to:
- plan to register on site, wait and that will take 5 minutes – plan to do so and ask for it;
- express them in words and explain them to the interlocutor so that he understands;
- let him draw his own conclusions and decide how to correct the situation.
It’s good to learn to listen to yourself,
- Searching for someone to blame
If you have problems, you should be careful because of this on the drug. For example, the husband is constantly late at work, the wife blames him for this. In response, he accuses her of making quarrels out of nothing.
Everyone wants to make the other person feel guilty, so as not to feel guilty.
What more productive dialogue should be conducted? No wine is sold, and there is no doubt about it. The wife may say that she misses his attention and it seems to her that he no longer loves her. The husband may say that he is uncomfortable, that she controls him and does not trust him.
Next, it is worth uniting to find the answer to the question – how to change the situation so as not to experience dumbness anymore? For example, the wife will write more often that she is bored, and he will warn when he is late.
- The habit of criticizing and comparing
From childhood, people get used to constantly finding flaws and pointing them out. The whole school curriculum and education is built on finding mistakes.
Therefore, the girl, instead of saying: “I rejoice when you are full of flowers,” says: “The husband, instead of saying that he misses his wife, says: “Again you disappear with your girlfriends.”
When a husband fixes a shelf, instead of praise, he gets a caustic “Well, finally” or “Could have been better.” People themselves do not notice how often they criticize each other.
But criticism kills motivation – the more a person is pointed out to his mistakes, the less he wants something.
How to fix it:
- follow the rules of healthy criticism – for any negative remark you need to make 3 positive ones;
- learn to appreciate the little things that you do for each other, and not take them for granted;
- practice gratitude and good or complimentary.
According to research by Robert Emmons, gratitude makes a person happy and reduces depression (the results of the study are published in Emmons’ book Thanks!: How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier).
Moreover, if you form the habit of being grateful to loved ones, it will have a positive effect on.
A 2011 Gratitude as an Antidote to Aggression study by the University of Kentucky found that people who give thanks often are less aggressive and have better empathy.