What does first love teach? How not to get burned next time? There is one thing in our life that determines its course – it is love. It can be different: parental, romantic, passionate, non-reciprocal and, of course, the first. It is the first love that is experienced most difficult and brightest of all.
The fact is that any feeling experienced for the first time leaves a huge imprint in the heart and memory. Experience of trial and error sweeps through the years. It helps someone to become better and develop new good qualities in themselves. Others do not endure any lessons for themselves, starting to blame the circumstances and the people around them for all the failures.
Today we will talk about what is first love. Let’s tell you how often it ends with a happy ending. Are there couples in the world who have managed to maintain reverent feelings for each other throughout their lives. And also we will figure out how to relate and what to take out for ourselves from a difficult first parting.
Definition of first love
A huge number of people say that they first experienced the feeling of falling in love at a very young age. Most often, the boys and girls they liked in kindergarten or elementary school are cited as an example.
We believe that the first love can be called not only children’s unconscious feelings, rather associated with the study of the world and interest in the characteristics of a person of the opposite sex. Our conversation is built around a true strong feeling, which people can already be aware of. This is important, because at such a time a person comprehends important life theses, understands what he wants and what repels him the most.
First love is a passionate desire to be close to the object of sympathy. It is far from always built on reciprocity, therefore it often leaves an imprint of sadness and longing on the heart. Some people ask questions all their lives in the style: “What would happen if he then looked at me at least furtively?”, “Why did my first experience of falling in love end without starting?”.
We all have different attitudes to those feelings, but more often they bring a nostalgic smile to our lips. What ended a long time ago no longer hurts as much as in a moment of emotional stress.
How do most people feel about their first serious infatuation with another person? The adult position is that the first love flares up and goes out as quickly as a shooting star in the night sky. It sweeps past us, leaving a lot of pleasant and negative emotions. Due to the fact that both of them are as strong as possible, we remember this feeling until the end of our days.
What do professional psychologists think about this? Their opinion boils down to the fact that every person must experience the vivid emotions of falling in love. All this experience of happiness and disappointment directly affects the formation of character. In later life, a person often begins to be guided by the rules and conclusions that he acquired just at the time of formation.
Particularly important point they call the breakup of relations. When a teenager or a young person finds himself in a situation of vivid experiences and total sadness, he begins to listen to himself more. If during a quarrel with friends you can simply stop communicating, leaving everything as it is, it will take a long time to deal with first love. Here comes the realization that not every person will always be with you, even if you want to spend your whole life together more than anything in the world.
We all drew our own conclusions from the first parting. Depending on the duration of the relationship, its depth, the presence of betrayal or amicable ending of the relationship, people build their next romantic relationship. It is especially difficult for those who chose to be offended by life and began to treat people in a consumer way. In their life, there always comes a moment when all the built-up protection collapses, exposing a lot of complexes.
Therefore, we advise you not to ignore your gut. Listen to yourself. Even if at a particular moment you feel very bad and hard, know that everything passes. Find the strength to draw useful lessons from the situations that happen to you. This is how you should parse your first completed relationship. This approach will allow you to avoid repeating your own mistakes in the future, form the image of the person you want to see as your life partner, and develop rules of conduct.
When the first love appears?
As we have already said, the first love can come even to a small child. At this age, not everyone is able to experience bright feelings for another person. Children often behave in violent ways. Moreover, they are completely innocent, because they do not know how to separate black and white, bad and good.
When a child does something bad, it causes more emotions in others than positive actions. Therefore, babies often fight, cry and offend those who are weaker. It’s great if the little ones were able to establish a trusting warm relationship.
Already in the younger groups of kindergarten, teachers notice how tiny boys try to help their princesses. Girls, on the other hand, give affection and attention in return. Such childish love is very interesting to watch. Children are sincere in all their manifestations. At this point, they often agree to get married as soon as they grow up, or never part and always be there.
There are practically no cases of a couple being formed in a nursery group and spending their whole lives with each other. But, having experienced vivid feelings, children already know that something unusual can be experienced towards the opposite sex, forcing them to become attentive and patient.
Such a naive, but in its own way beautiful love always leaves a pleasant light imprint in the memory. Toddlers do not understand all the difficulties of interpersonal relationships, so they quite simply part with each other, and soon they almost forget this stage.
Conscious feelings overtake us at different age periods. Most often, first love is associated with adolescence. This stage is characterized by a surge of adrenaline, the search for unusual emotions and impressions, frequent changes in mood and hobbies.
A teenage girl can fall in love with a guy because of some minor little thing. Let’s say he has a charming smile, or he sings beautifully at school concerts. A young man may also like both an unusual informal girl who looks wistfully out the window in the classroom and listens to hard rock, and the most diligent excellent student who responds to any request for help.
At this age, teenagers fall in love often, as they begin to realize the characteristics of different people. We are drawn to a place where we ourselves have never been. Hence the love for bad guys, bitchy girls, teachers. The look of a young heart can catch on to the most inconspicuous detail, spinning it into a huge attractive dignity.
Why are the emotions from the first love so vivid that they are imprinted in the memory forever? The fact is that we do not love the person himself, but our own new feelings. We are all very interested in feeling something unfamiliar. Remember, when you fell in love for the first time, you were often very hurt, but not less often there were extremely joyful moments. These emotional swings are exhausting, but it’s not at all easy to stop swinging on them.
By falling in love with another person, we answer our own questions about individuality. First love pushes to open up in a new way in their own eyes. At this time, it’s so nice to feel sorry for yourself, cry into the pillow to the sad melodies. It is no less interesting to be jealous for the first time, to fight, to sort things out. In general, the feeling is so unusual and unexpected that it is simply impossible to ignore.
Also, the first love does not require total self-control and restrictions. Young people almost never, at least on their own, ask questions about the future. It is drawn by him light and, of course, joint. Another thing is if adult rationalists get into the relations of young hearts. This is where moralizing and teaching begin, although most often they are of no use.
The guys just want to be together. They are not interested in where the beloved’s dad works, or who the chosen one will work at twenty-five. This feeling is pure and not seasoned with social stereotypes. It especially attracts those who like to talk heart to heart with someone. It is not always possible to open one hundred percent with friends, but with a soulmate it is easier and more interesting to do this.
Lived together all their lives
A little statistics will not hurt us. It seems that the first relationship is almost in any case doomed to failure. World statistics tell us the opposite. Even if the couple scatters to gain new experience and be nourished by unexpected emotions, in two situations out of five men choose their first love as their wife.
Another question is that the number of divorces here is not less than in couples who got together at a conscious age. More often than not, guys can’t overcome huge stress together. They move, they go to universities, they change. The partner is not in every case able to accept the reincarnation of the chosen one. In an instant, she can become completely different from what she was in her school years.
But there are quite a lot of examples of families that were created immediately after graduating from school or college, and then lived together for a long life. Of course, it is impossible to compare their number with the statistics of divorces and separations. But the fact remains – eternal love and friendship are quite real.
There are examples even among world celebrities. We will not argue that the love of the actor Adriano Celentano and his beautiful wife Claudia Mori was the first, but they have been living together for more than fifty years. The close circle of the family notes that relations in the family are excellent. Adriano still looks lovingly at his beautiful wife.
The brilliant director Federico Fellini lived a long life with the beautiful actress, Giulietta Masina. She was always next to him during filming, and he called her his main muse. Their love also can hardly be called the first. But the fact that feelings flared up instantly is obvious – the director and actress got married just two weeks after they met.
How to survive a rough breakup?
At the end of our conversation, we will try to formulate tips for you that will help not only during the first parting. These actions will be appropriate even when the third, fourth and fifth relationships collapse.
First, treat any situation as an important life experience. The more lessons you try to learn, the more new facets you reveal in yourself, the higher the chances that you will meet the best person on the planet. The secret is simple – we only get what we broadcast. It is in your power to attract the right chosen one, as well as make him happy. In response, he will try to bring joy into your life.
Second, listen to your inner voice. Some people are afraid to be alone. Indeed, when the first love ends, a difficult stage begins. You will definitely feel sad and sad. This is where the realization that you have lost the relationship and the person, and not yourself, comes to the rescue. The ability to be alone, to love him is very useful in adulthood.
You can also experience the pleasant taste of privacy. Couples who value personal space stay happy and in love much longer. It is much worse if you start using other people to fill the void in your soul.
Thirdly, vivid painful emotions are as valuable as positive impressions. Parting and sadness from the lost feeling helped a huge number of people to reveal their hidden creative potential. Some begin to write amazing lyrical poems, others pick up a brush and paint colorful natural landscapes. Or maybe you are destined to discover your musical or dancing talent.
The main thing that gives us all first love is a long bright memory. Try to find the positive in every situation. Remember that everything subsides with time, only pleasant memories and invaluable experience remain.
Why is the first love always unhappy and is it good and beneficial for us?