What does it mean to Love? Learn how to Love

What does it mean to Love? Learn how to Love. The inability to love is one of the main causes of scandals, unhealthy addictions, betrayals, and divorces. If the parents did not show the individual a model of trusting friendships, she learns by looking at the world around her, sometimes absorbing not the best examples. Unfortunately, such a skill is not transmitted genetically, it is not taught in schools. Then how can you buy it? What actions will need to be taken for this? And how to become a truly loving person?

What does it mean to love?

To love is to see soberly and at the same time respect the dissimilar qualities of a partner. All people are different, it is impossible to find someone with absolutely identical views. And that’s okay. It’s even more interesting, because such a difference allows you to learn and try new things, activities, methods. Thanks to differences, people pass on experience and knowledge to each other, making their lives more multifaceted and exciting.

All this applies to those cases when the trait of the partner objectively does not bring anything bad… For example, if a man loves sports, outdoor activities, and a woman likes to spend quiet evenings at home reading a book, there is nothing wrong with that.

However, if the quality of the character of one infringes, insults, humiliates another, there is a serious problem here. No one is obliged to endure rudeness, manipulation, tantrums, despotism, saying to himself: “He/she is different/different, and I just need to accept it.”

1. Make time.

Attention is not something that can be given out condescendingly, only on holidays, as a reward or in the mood. This is a daily duty towards a loved one.

We are not talking about gifts, although the desire to give them is also a sign of a good relationship. But first of all, the phrase “to give time” means:

  • listen to the partner, his stories about sore, joys, surprises, events in general;
  • empathize, that is, perceive the state of your couple, respond to it emotionally;
  • communicate, get to know a person, be interested in her desires, ambitions, goals, views, principles;
  • take care, trying to get rid of everything bad, in general, improve the life of a loved one.

Sometimes it can be difficult, especially when the emotional state does not match. For example, if a guy was promoted at work, and the girl at that time terribly quarreled with her friend.

What does it mean to Love? Learn how to Love.

2. Be able to endure separation.

No matter how strong the feelings and desire to be around are, it is physically impossible to be together 24/7. In the end, you will have to go to work, meet friends, sometimes shop separately from each other. And this is not taking into account long business trips, long-distance relationships, etc.

If even during a short separation a person begins:

  • call a hundred times
  • write to all social networks,
  • looking for meetings all the time
  • turn a few hours of absence of a partner into a tragedy,

– it speaks of dependencies. And it has nothing to do with love. Moreover, it indicates a psychological problem or immaturity. Therefore, a loving person understands that sometimes spending time apart from each other is normal. Of course, he can also be bored, but he does not make a drama out of it, but he knows how to entertain himself or just takes care of his own duties.

3. Respect honesty.

Honesty is the key to trust. Moreover, this quality does not mean a daily report on the events of the day. Here we are talking about the ability to openly, albeit delicately express personal emotions, to appreciate the sincerity of your couple.

The main difficulty in this matter lies in the unwillingness or even fear to injure, upset, anger a loved one with their truth. For example, a girl may not like that her boyfriend often goes to a bar with friends. But she decides to keep silent about it, because she believes that expressing displeasure will upset her beloved. But is it really a smart decision?

Won’t the frustration, the protest, accumulate, risking a nervous breakdown? How can a couple of deal with a problem, reach a comfortable compromise without discussing their differences? Silencing such moments is also a lie, including in front of you.

4. Don’t exclude other people.

Romantic relationships are great, but you can’t forget about the people around you. Love is freedom, not a cage for a prisoner. In addition to a loved one, there are also friends, relatives, colleagues, mentors, fans, inspirers, etc. No matter how much a partner wants, he cannot replace all these personalities. And without them, life will be different, more closed, gray, boring, inferior.

The family can become the meaning of life, but let it not be the only one. It is very naive and too self-confident to think that one person is able to displace the whole world with him. If a person requires a choice between himself and friends, for example, this shows her lack of understanding of love, unpreparedness for it, immaturity. Over time, she will dictate even more conditions, while still remaining emotionally hungry, unsatisfied.

What does it mean to Love? Learn how to Love.

5. Understand responsibility.

And most importantly, take it. To love means to be responsible for the feelings, well-being, happiness of the chosen companion. It is also the ability to fit. For example, if a partner requires fidelity, then he himself, it turns out, is obliged in this case not to change. Every action has a result. Usually, this applies only to the agent himself, but in relationships, it is also reflected in another person.

Life is a risk of injury, pain, danger, loss. In love, this risk is doubled. But in the same way, joy, pleasure, happiness are doubled.

The fear of taking responsibility for the future – one’s own and the common one – also becomes a serious obstacle. What prospects can the union have if one or even both partners do not want to build a life together based on making serious decisions? Obviously – not the most rosy or long-term.

How to learn to love?

1. Work on psychological problems.

Internal troubles do not allow a person to fully enjoy love, to see positive aspects in it. Therefore, people with psychological trauma are often nervous, distrustful, withdrawn, aggressive, or passive. Of course, this affects almost all areas of life, and the love line, alas, is no exception.

Many try to drown out the inner pain with a new relationship, but in fact not only do not save themselves, but also confuse others. What could be reasons for this behavior:

  • severe trauma from the past, which is mirrored at the current stage;
  • a bad parental example of a relationship or its complete absence (if the child grew up as an orphan or with guardians);
  • negative experience with previous partners;
  • insecurity, low self-esteem, addiction;
  • immaturity, infantilism, being stuck in the role of a child/adolescent;
  • irresponsibility, hysteria, or acceptance of victim status.

With all this – in the office of a psychotherapist. A loved one is not obliged to treat, educate, supervise. He can support, try to help, but does not fix this situation on his own.

What does it mean to Love? Learn how to Love.

2. Cultivate selflessness in yourself.

Love is not bargaining, bartering, contract, transaction, or exchange of services. To truly love, you have to learn to give and not look back at it. If a person pays attention, gives gifts, says compliments, does something nice, only to get all the same in return, he is not sincere in his actions. He is looking for profit.

The benefit does not have to be financial. The desire to “buy back” attention, reciprocity, time is also a sign of self-doubt, dependence.

A loving partner directs his actions to improve the life of his couple, her happiness. He does not count, does not remember every emotion or action that he gives. All his conscious steps towards a loved one are imbued with sincerity, disinterestedness, kindness, care.

3. Be able to relax.

Despite the fact that happy relationships require hard work, you can not turn them into an “army charter”. If you include only logic, structure, reason, strict adherence to the rules, there will not be enough strength or time for emotions.

It is better not to forget that love is also joy, laughter, touching moments, delight, romance. She suffers if dry rationalism is manifested in the union, the words “should”, “must”, “forced”. Of course, there is responsibility, and it is considerable, but it can be carried in different ways.

Sometimes, in order to learn to love, it is enough to loosen control over the situation. In a relationship, two people enjoy. If one enjoys the position, and the other is obsessed with the right behavior all the time, nothing good will come of it.

What does it mean to Love? Learn how to Love.

4. Do not be afraid of negative experiences.

If there were no bad moments in life at all, no one would appreciate the good ones so much. In an ideal world, paradoxical as it may seem, no one seeks development. What for? After all, it’s all good.

Love in human behavior is not perfect. This means that lovers make mistakes. They also quarrel, hurt each other, are wrong. But their difference is that they consciously try to avoid such negativity, learn to ask for forgiveness and forgive, work on their mistakes.

You can avoid relationships because of the fear of betrayal, conflict, negative emotions. But:

  1. Where is the guarantee that the same negative will not happen in other areas of life? It is impossible to completely avoid risk.
  2. The exclusion of love will deprive a person of a huge number of positive events, experiences, making her unhappy.

A love affair comes with its own risks, but this does not negate its obvious advantages and rewards.

5. Love yourself.

This is the first lesson that those who want to learn to love will have to learn. Without internal approval of oneself, it is difficult to build healthy strong relationships. This is due to the fact that a person who does not love himself:

  • dependent on the opinions of others, easily influenced by others;
  • suffers from complexes, insecurity, isolation, timidity;
  • believes that he is not worthy to be respected, appreciated, understood;
  • takes the position of a servant, victim, slave, allows himself to be used;
  • rarely develops, therefore, is of no interest to mature individuals.

It is difficult to be with a person who does not see his own advantages, values. All energy will be spent on trying to prove to him that he is worth something. But what can you do to start respecting yourself?

  • To develop a worldview, to form views, to learn to defend a point of view with arguments, to defend oneself.
  • Strive for self-development, personal growth, but study what you like yourself, and not dictated by others.
  • Surround yourself with pleasant things, emotions. Look for activities to your liking in a career, entertainment plan. Be careful in choosing your surroundings.
  • Reward yourself for achievements, breakthroughs, successfully overcoming fears.

To learn to love, it is not necessary to have specific skills or buy expensive literature. It will be enough to realize your main problem, and then make every effort to eliminate it. After all, love is not recipes, rituals, butterflies in the stomach, or just feelings. This is work, actions, active steps. So, it is available to everyone who is ready to fight for it.

What does it mean to Love? Learn how to Love.

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