What is Jealousy? Types, Signs, and Reasons? Approximately 15% of jealous people show signs of psychosis. At the same time, almost 20% of domestic crimes are committed precisely because of jealousy. Even pets can be jealous, which indicates the instinctiveness of this feeling, its “primitive” roots. What is jealousy, since it causes such strong reactions? What is it like, where does it come from, and how does it manifest itself? Why does she sometimes become dangerous? What stands behind it – fear, love, or exclusively unconditioned reflexes?
What is jealousy?
Jealousy is a negative painful feeling that occurs at the risk of losing a person to whom an emotional attraction or addiction has formed. It is based on the fear of changes in life, loneliness, the herd instinct as a manifestation of the instinct of self-preservation. A person is subconsciously afraid to remain alone, “expelled from the pack”, doomed to death without the support of relatives. Of course, such an attitude remains generally unnoticed by the personality itself, it is stored in the subconscious. Outside, everything is covered with anger, irritation, pain, disappointment, and other unpleasant emotions.
What is Jealousy? Types, Signs, and Reasons?
In support of this, information can be cited that women reach the peak of their jealousy during the bearing of a child and in the first years of his life. That is, this feeling is more acute at a time when the (future) mother is most dependent on her man, needs his protection and support. At the same time, at the hormonal level, everything is confirmed by an increase in the amount of testosterone in the female body.
Types of jealousy.
We can talk about the types of this feeling depending on the social role of its object, that is, on the person who is jealous. In addition, the negative emotions themselves, the style of their expression may depend on the age of the individual, the level of intimacy in the relationship.
Gender also plays a role, and it is he, and not gender. Social constructivism is taken into account, not biological data. For example, a woman may well experience a male type of jealousy. And if at the same time she is infantile, due to psychological trauma she is “stuck” in adolescence, then she will be jealous “childishly”. In one person, different types of this feeling can be combined.
1. Women’s.
In a negative fanatical manifestation, female jealousy takes the form of blackmail, ultimatums, and manipulation. However, according to the degree of expression, it is less aggressive than the male one. For girls, it will be more offensive to find out that their partner has become emotionally attached to someone on the side. They are more likely to forgive betrayal if they believe that it was committed under the influence of alcohol, by mistake, and did not carry any love, sensual reasons.
Sometimes this negative feeling in a woman is dictated not so much by emotional attachment as by the risk of losing profit. For example, a housewife mother will be afraid of losing her spouse for fear of being left without material support for herself and her children.
2. Men’s.
Since the society still welcomes the patriarchal model of relations, where the man is the main one, his jealousy imposes more control, rudeness on his actions. In this regard, some jealous people consider the norm:
- forbid your girlfriend to communicate with someone (women often give an ultimatum of choice, rather than a direct ban);
- limit her personal space (go somewhere only with the chosen one);
- seize or monitor her gadget (phone, laptop, any means of communication);
- decide how to dress, what clubs to attend, when to communicate with friends;
- do not let go of her hand in public, sit next to her all the time, “guard” (as a demonstration of one’s possession of her).
Of course, this is a description of extremes, which also include assault, any psychological or sexual abuse. In adultery, it is sexual contact that offends men, regardless of the presence/absence of feelings for a lover.
What is Jealousy? Types, Signs, and Reasons?
3. Children’s.
The complexes of Electra and Oedipus, described by Z. Freud, are typical signs of childhood jealousy towards parents. It is especially pronounced in older children when they have brothers or sisters. Accustomed to getting all the attention, love, care of mom and dad, they are going to have to share it with someone else. This is especially painful for babies, whom their parents did not prepare at all for the appearance of a new family member.
Children’s jealous emotions result in protest, a full-fledged rebellion, heated competition with other children or stepmothers/stepfathers. Psychologists note 5 main reasons for such changes:
- selfishness, inability to perceive someone else’s opinion;
- injustice (especially when the younger ones are “loved more” than the older ones);
- not understanding how you can show your feelings in the right manner;
- increased anxiety, any kind of childhood neurosis;
- helplessness, feeling of inferiority, inferiority, weakness.
In adolescence, jealousy, reinforced by a hormonal surge, can be very dangerous both for others and for the teenager himself. At this time, it is important not to ignore his experiences, even if they seem insignificant. A child in puberty sees the situation differently, for him, even a small incident can be traumatic.
4. Parental.
Jealousy of parents is a struggle between each other for the attention of the child. What word will he say first – mom or dad. Who would you like to go for a walk with? Who will calm him down faster when he cries. Who will the child listen to best? Basically, such competition is manifested in adults, between whom not everything is fine or who have psychological traumas based on their own childhood “dislike”.
The second case is parting with adult children. It is more often manifested in women when they under no circumstances accept the choice of their children, no matter how good they may be. Mom, accustomed to being the main woman in her son’s life, is afraid of losing this long-term title and gets into a fight with her daughter-in-law. The same happens in the father-son-in-law relationship, but these are rarer situations.
What is Jealousy? Types, Signs, and Reasons?
5. Friendly.
Friendly zealous relationships (in the absence of sexual or love overtones) are a story about the fear of losing an already familiar person. It occurs if a third person appears in a couple and one of the friends devotes a lot of time to him, and not necessarily more than an old friend. It could be a new friend, partner, even a child or animal. At the same time, the jealous person sees him as a competitor, and any choice in favor of the “third” is perceived by him as his own defeat.
6. Situational.
This is a type of feeling between unfamiliar people. One gets used to the attention of the other, but does not feel any emotional attachment to him, does not take him seriously. Problems begin when the second switches focus to someone else, forgetting about the first. For example:
- worker A. sometimes communicates with colleague B. during a lunch break;
- management decides to appoint B. as a mentor for new employee B.;
- B. begins to devote more time to V., reducing the amount of his attention to A.;
- A. suddenly feels a “prick of jealousy”, feels abandoned, although, in fact, B. does not need.
This is the most unfounded type of jealousy, which is why few recognize it. Instead, they begin to believe that some feelings have arisen towards the object of jealousy. This is not true, since it is easy for them to replace one unfamiliar person with another without significant losses for themselves.
Signs of jealousy.
1. Subjectivism.
Zealous outbursts are very rarely logical. Usually, they are intuitive, their reasons are difficult to explain intelligibly. The same event is perceived differently when viewed from the outside and with personal participation. In the latter case, emotions distort perception, making it subjective. And, given that jealousy is a strong feeling, it becomes much more difficult to be unbiased, consistent, balanced in assessing the situation.
If you ask a jealous person why he had such a feeling, in 8 out of 10 cases he will not know what to answer, or he will say something unintelligible, not weighty enough according to someone from the outside.
2. Selfishness.
Jealousy is dictated by a selfish desire to possess, as well as fear, which does not allow thinking about the fate of the other side. A jealous person is so obsessed with his negativity that he begins to unconsciously ignore the desires and needs of others.
Sometimes, after some thoughtless act or phrase, having already moved away from the surging experiences, a person realizes that he was wrong. Although at the moment of “heat of passions” his reaction seemed justified. In this case, the person himself suffers from feelings of guilt as an unpleasant consequence of jealousy. However, during the next jealous outbursts, he still concentrates only on his emotions.
3. Impulsivity.
No wonder attacks of jealousy are called injections. It is sudden in nature, it is not a feeling that will gradually accumulate over the years. Such an experience always comes along with a whole gamut of sharp emotions that are difficult to control. It looks like passion, but with a negative connotation.
It is because of the suddenness of the appearance of jealousy is difficult to curb. It is difficult to predict, to calculate when it will occur next time. Preparing in advance is also almost impossible. If a person is very emotional by nature, it will be even more difficult for him to cope with such a feeling.
What is Jealousy? Types, Signs, and Reasons?
4. Curiosity.
Despite a strong sharp negative, jealousy also awakens such an emotion as curiosity. Gambling, impulsive, easily addicted people may well become hostages of jealousy. It will evoke conflicting emotions in them, serve as a reason to “hunt”, become a player, experience drive, risk, excitement again.
This explains why some people only pay attention to their fans when they have someone else. Experience makes you compare yourself with a competitor, and curiosity pushes you to find out the difference, to find out who is better. How to do it? That’s right, to return the interest of the former admirer. That is why the joke that the former returns when it is no longer necessary has a completely logical explanation.
5. Internal tension.
A jealous attitude is a stress for the body. A person is in a tense state, expecting the worst, experiencing uncertainty, which also makes him nervous. This releases cortisol and adrenaline. The first exhausts well, and the second, on the contrary, invigorates, but only in small quantities. And if a person is jealous every day several times, adrenaline becomes his enemy.
A “chronic” jealous person over time notices a deterioration in well-being, constant lethargy, drowsiness (sleep at night is now a luxury), irritability. It is easy to assume that this state of affairs will cause problems in other areas of his life.
Reasons for jealousy.
1. Low self-esteem.
Fear of loneliness, a dependent position, dislike for oneself make one jealous. It seems that the partner is almost the last existing person who noticed an unsightly personality. If he leaves (or rather, he is taken away), no one else will want to look in the direction of the victim, who will forever remain in complete, not at all proud loneliness.
It sounds exaggerated, but in fact, the fear of losing a person, arising from low self-esteem, operates in this way. Only hard work on yourself, self-perception, as well as the help of a good psychotherapist will help get rid of constant doubts.
What is Jealousy? Types, Signs, and Reasons?
2. Negative experience.
If a person has a negative relationship experience from the past, it turned out to be very traumatic, then jealousy will arise as a natural reaction when approaching. If in the previous descriptions the jealous man was afraid of loneliness, here the problem lies in the unwillingness or unwillingness to deepen intimacy. Paradoxically, these complexes can be observed simultaneously. What situations can provoke such a phenomenon:
- betrayal of a former partner;
- divorce of parents, their care of the family;
- the death of someone close (perhaps even a friend);
- unexpected separation without explanation;
- constant comparison with someone is not in your favor.
Any rapprochement will bring fear with it, as it is associated with an inevitable break, loss. The partner of the victim will have to prove to her for a long time his willingness to be there no matter what, absolute feelings. Going to a psychologist will help ease the path to regaining confidence.
What is Jealousy? Types, Signs, and Reasons?
3. Inequality in a couple.
If one of the lovers turns out to be better (by the standards of the second), they begin to be jealous of him. Firstly, because many people like the “ideal partner”, they may try to take him away. Secondly, because sooner or later he himself will feel this difference, inconsistency, decide that he deserves more, break off relations. Concerns are caused by inequality in such features:
- external data, beauty, healthy appearance;
- mental, creative qualities;
- career achievements, success;
- popularity, especially media coverage, power;
- financial security;
- personal qualities, reputation as a good person.
Of course, unstable self-esteem is also involved here. However, under equal conditions, statuses, it does not affect jealousy so much.
4. Provocation.
This is the only fully conscious, obvious, justified reason for jealousy. If a partner frankly makes it clear how important relationships are to him, flirts with others, or even decides to cheat, jealous feelings turn out to be quite logical.
Even if the one who causes negativity by his behavior does not fully realize his mistake, it still justifies negative emotions, the indignation of a jealous person. For example, a girl in a circle of friends plays “bottle”, kisses other guys. For her, this situation is quite normal, because all her friends, even married ones, are also involved in this. However, her beloved will clearly not appreciate such “friendliness”, so she will rightly be offended.
5. Distrust.
Distrust can manifest itself as a character trait, the result of psychological trauma, or doubt in a particular person. In the first two cases, the person is cautious about all people, regardless of their behavior, attitudes. In the third, she does not trust her partner for a certain reason. This may be the provocation described in the previous paragraph. However, there are often other behaviors as well, such as:
- frequent or large-scale lies;
- double standards, injustice in actions;
- constant quarrels, deterioration of communication;
- change in the habitual pattern of behavior;
- betrayal of the current partner in his former relationship;
- divergent fundamental views;
- any kind of violence, manipulation.
The couple is unlikely to be able to live in this mode together for a long time. Because without trust, relationships get stuck at one stage, or worse, they degrade. Partners will have to choose whether to work together on a problem or prepare for parting. Unfortunately, not everyone is in a hurry to make this choice, so they painfully live a long life together, wasting each other’s time.
6. Unjustified scenario.
Each person has his own vision of ideal relationships, family. While people do not talk about it, but simply silently wait for their dreams to become a reality, misunderstandings grow in a couple. It subsequently causes jealousy.
- Given: newlyweds – girl A. and boyfriend B., both have prosperous happy families.
- In A.’s family, it was customary to have dinner together at the table, it was a common tradition that became an obligatory sign of a happy marriage for a girl.
- B.’s parents had dinner at different times, so there was no tradition of a family gathering at the same table.
- A. insists that she and B. should have dinner together, because this is an important part of family well-being. At the same time, B. does not agree, since this is unusual for him.
- Due to different ideas, reticence, the couple begins to quarrel, which ultimately leads to doubts about the feelings of the partner, and then to jealousy.
Even such a seemingly trifle as a meeting at the table of the whole family can be provocative for the appearance, further growth of jealousy. To prevent this from happening in the future, it is better to make it a habit to discuss your desires, expectations from relationships, especially from living together, marriage.
Jealousy in moderate doses is, in a sense, a panacea for boredom, monotony. However, increasing its scope and depth, it becomes dangerous both for the one who experiences it and for the object of zealous experiences. A jealous person spoils relationships with loved ones, fails in other areas because of his obsession, destroys his own “I”. Having determined the cause of such a pathological form of feeling, one can learn to resist it. And the appeal to the psychotherapist will noticeably speed up the course of the case.
What is Jealousy? Types, Signs, and Reasons?
