We bring it to light: why is love lost? or What is meant by lost love? Is love really lost? 5 signs.
“I will love you for the rest of my life.” How beautiful this sentence sounds. And how much nicer it feels. But is this really true?
Love is an incredible force that keeps us alive and gives us wings to float on cloud nine.
When we love and when we are loved, we feel like the whole world is at our feet because we have that one person next to us who is our support and our greatest happiness.
And when this goes away, we feel like someone broke our wings and dropped us on the hard floor of life, between the chunks of broken love and happiness.
We look around looking for a way to glue our wings together and put those broken pieces of love together, but we fail.
This is how you feel safe now.
The day came that you thought would never come and what happened exactly what you thought could never happen to you. Your great love has been lost.
How is that possible, you ask yourself? From the most amorous couple who swore eternal love to each other, you have become two ex-partners who hardly talk to each other.
Your heart breaks into pieces. You’re racking your brains to understand what you’ve done wrong and where love has been lost. However, you won’t find any answers.
Where did that flame from the beginning of the relationship disappear when everything was crackling with love? When you could read the words ‘I love you in each other’s eyes. How is it possible that people suddenly stop loving each other?
Unfortunately, not every story has its own happy ending. Sometimes life is just too cruel.
Sometimes the point is not even that love is lost, but some periods of life just fall together with the way you would have liked so that you forget the value of love and the care it takes to stay alive.
But how do you recognize lost love? Is it just a temporary crisis or have the feelings really faded? And if there really are no more feelings, what should you do in this case?
You have to read on to find the answers!
Why is love lost? or What is meant by lost love?
To understand why love is lost, one must first understand how love arises and how it evolves from being in love.
Falling in love is the phase of butterflies in the stomach when we wear rose-colored glasses and float in the clouds. It is a phase in which we have no connection to reality and in which our partner is the center of our world.
This phase is all about physical attraction. Lovebirds who are freshly in love can hardly keep their fingers off each other.
Everything about the partner is interesting to us and we just want to spend as much time as possible with him and find out as much as possible about him.
But over time, this phase of the new, the excitement and the spark slowly ceases. Research has shown that around 80 percent of couples separate after this time.
Why is that?
After we have fallen in love, the phase of objectivity comes and we are firmly on the ground again. Now we notice all the things that we did not see crystal clear thanks to the rose-colored glasses.
This is the time when we finally see our relationship and our partner for who they really are.
And when we then decide to stay in a relationship with him, the relationship becomes deeper and firmer and we slowly begin to discover the magic of true love.
Unfortunately, even happy couples who love each other the most can take a painful blow when they find that their love has faded.
Isn’t love forever? Let us then ask … Why does it happen that it disappears when we thought it would last forever? The answer lies in the following things:
• People change
When choosing a partner, it is important to us that we have a lot in common with the partner, such as attitudes to life, hobbies, values, etc. But people change.
Unfortunately, we are like that. Life leads us on strange paths where we have to adapt and change and therefore have no other choice. As we develop, our desires, attitudes, thoughts, dreams, and goals change.
In this way, a person who has lived his whole life believing that he wants to have children can change his mind under the interweaving of different life circumstances and decide that he will never have them.
This automatically changes the course of the relationship if the partners have different visions of the future.
This crazy infatuation at the beginning of a relationship makes us so blind that we idealize our partner so that we don’t notice any of his faults.
We think we have found the right partner. During this time everything is wonderful, fabulously beautiful and we don’t have the feeling that anything could go wrong.
In our head, we create a perfect story like something out of a movie and we can’t wait to make it come true. However, it happens that the partner is not really what we imagined.
The first time the partner’s flaws and real face come to the surface, we realize that it’s not quite as ideal as we imagined it to be.
One can deal with it while it creates in another a sense of disappointment, distrust, and ultimately, the disappearance of love.
• People forget the importance of cultivating love
My partner loves me. He is always there for me and will be no matter what I do. One of the mistaken attitudes that cost many relationships.
The moment two people start to take each other for granted is the moment a relationship goes downhill.
People often forget that love is like a flower that needs constant warmth and care in order to grow and become even more beautiful.
They forget the importance of attentions like compliments, helpfulness, declarations of love, and the like.
All of this is necessary for love to stay alive and if this fails, the relationship soon becomes nothing more than habit, and love slowly withers.
• Problems are swept under the carpet or exaggerated
No matter how strong love is, it will not survive if problems are swept under the rug and ignored.
There is a solution to every problem, and people in a relationship often forget that they need to find that solution together.
In relationships, it is important to compromise and resolve things in an honest and open manner.
Even if you have to spend the whole night without sleep, problems should be addressed and tried to solve immediately.
As soon as they are ignored, they pile up and suddenly this pile becomes so big that it pounds on our love and eventually suffocates them.
The other side of the story is that every little problem escalates into an argument.
Couples who fight too often feel exhausted and tired from such a toxic relationship. Such behavior is an increasingly common reason for separation and overshadows even the greatest love.
Is love really lost? 5 signs that there are no more feelings
There is no relationship that has not gone through at least one crisis. This is pretty understandable because it is impossible for two people to agree 100 percent on anything.
It is normal to have small arguments, some outbursts of jealousy, disagreements about certain things, but when it comes to true love, all of these are overcome and forgotten in the blink of an eye.
However, there are also situations that are clear signs that something has been wrong in a relationship or marriage for a long time and that everything is no longer the same as it used to be.
Oftentimes, people ignore or are aware of these signs, but remain in relationships for fear of abandonment, children, or financial reasons, and remain trapped in the shackles of their own unhappiness.
What are the signs that the love between you has really been lost?
1. You spend a lot less time together
You used to be able to spend hours and hours together. It didn’t matter where you were or what you were doing. It was enough just to be together and talk about your life, your future together, and everything and everyone.
It is normal for such things to be a little forgotten after a long time.
Children, work, paying bills, business meetings, family dinners, etc. Who has the time to sit for a few hours and talk nonsense in addition to all the obligations that everyday life imposes on us?
That is exactly what puts the relationship at risk. Partners forget that they need to spend time together in order to maintain their relationship and intimacy.
On the one hand, it’s okay if you and your partner haven’t been traveling together, having dinner, and the like in a while.
However, if you both don’t mind and neither of you has ever initiated that you spend more time together, the alarm bells are already ringing very loudly.
2. You almost don’t even speak to each other anymore
Good communication is the key to a healthy and happy relationship. Not only in solving problems, but also in maintaining closeness between partners.
Partners need to share their worries, desires, fears, and thoughts with one another. Support each other, take an interest in each other’s life so that they can get to know each other even better, and cultivate their relationship in this way.
However, if the partners distance themselves emotionally from each other, this becomes noticeable in the communication.
Your communication is limited to agreeing on who will pick up the children from school today and who will do the shopping?
You neither ask each other how you spent the day nor do you have any insight into each other’s life?
You have become like two strangers who have to be together for some reason.
Lack of communication is an obvious sign that something is wrong in the relationship, but also that there are almost no feelings between the two of you.
3. You seem to have nothing in common anymore
You used to love the same movies, listen to the same music, and enjoy the same things and now it all seems so far behind you.
You spend more time with your friends or at work and don’t do anything together. It’s like each of you two leads your own life.
Even if you’re in the same room together, he watches TV while you read a book and you don’t say a word to each other, but you don’t mind. You don’t have any common topics to talk about anyway.
Similarities are very important in a relationship. They are not critical to the survival of the relationship, but they attract us to our partner, don’t they?
We are more and more drawn to someone who understands why we love a certain type of music or film and with whom we can share our love for something.
If this is not yours, either you never had anything in common or it is unfortunately not important to either of you to do things together.
4. Your relationship looks more like friendship and roommate
Don’t you remember the last time you were intimate? Does your relationship look like you’re just two friends living together?
Lack of physical attraction and desire for sexual intercourse is a very big problem in a relationship.
And maybe even bigger if only seen as an obligation. Without pleasure and passion.
Lack of intimacy can often lead one or the other partner to seek solace in strange beds, which certainly leads to a separation or divorce.
Of course, the lull in bed doesn’t have to be an alarm signal, because sometimes such a phase occurs in the relationship, but if it lasts too long, one should definitely ask oneself whether there are still feelings in this relationship.
5. You are not planning a future together
What certainly keeps the relationship strong are the shared plans and goals that two people forge together.
When they look in the same direction, they feel an even stronger connection and a desire for the relationship to survive and they do their best to succeed in it. As I said earlier, similarities are very important.
While we can turn a blind eye to the fact that our partner doesn’t enjoy the same genre of music, food, or sports activities as we do, plans like starting a family, living together, buying an apartment, a car, etc. still play a slightly bigger role.
You can compromise in all other things. I am not saying that compromises cannot be made in these cases, but it is much more difficult.
And when you’ve got to the stage where you don’t have any mutual plans at all, and you don’t even talk about it, then unfortunately I have to tell you that your love has faded.
When love is lost, what else can you do?
The first and most fundamental is: to have a conversation. You can’t guess for yourself and keep wondering whether your relationship has a future or not. A relationship always needs two just like a separation.
Through the conversation, you will determine whether your relationship is currently in a temporary crisis that you can overcome together.
Because if it rains one day, it doesn’t necessarily mean it will rain the next day.
Maybe you can still find a solution together to let the rays of the sun into your relationship and to be the happy couple again from the beginning, floating on pink clouds.
A couples therapist or marriage counselor can certainly help you with this if you are both ready to fight.
It may not be easy at first, but if you still have a bit of that zeal of your old love in you, the fire may be rekindled.
It is also advisable to take a break in the relationship or a spatial separation to determine where your problems are and whether you can actually get along without each other.
This has proven to be very useful in many cases, as the partners realize that they are too important to each other and so they begin a kind of new relationship with each other.
Unfortunately, if this doesn’t change anything, it is advisable to split up. In one case or another, it depends on how you feel. Don’t try to save something that has long been doomed to fail.
It takes two to fight for a relationship and love. If there are no feelings at all, then nothing is worth it. Just don’t use your children or financial reasons as an excuse, because this can easily be solved.
Believe me, it’s better for children to grow up with divorced parents than in a toxic environment with parents who are no longer in love.
Put yourself first for a moment and think carefully about what decision you will make. Once you get through the stages of heartbreak, lovesickness, and separation pain, you will see that everything is only half as bad.
Unfortunately, love and disappointment are closely related, but life goes on. It gives us new opportunities and opens new doors.
It’s up to you to knock on these doors.