What is platonic love? Is platonic love real? The cult of sǝx in advertising, the film industry, art, modern literature has led to the fact that platonic love seems to be something unreal. And it is perceived either as a myth or as an echo of outdated customs. But what if this kind of feeling really exists? What differences does he have? Who and under what conditions can build a platonic relationship?
What is platonic love?
Platonic love is a kind of long-term deep feelings based only on spiritual intimacy, with the exception of physical contact. However, the attitude towards it and its definition cannot be called unambiguous. In particular, two questions remain open.
- In such relationships, a complete absence of tactile contact (including kisses, hugs) or only sǝxual intercourse, petting, foreplay is assumed?
- Do lovers have complete asǝxuality (lack of sǝxual desire)? Are partners deliberately trying to suppress sǝxual arousal or are they using alternative methods of satisfaction?
Unfortunately, there are no definitive answers… This is partly due to the fact that this topic is not very popular in modern relationship psychology. On the other hand, the pioneer of the idea was a philosopher, not a psychologist. It was Plato – an ancient Greek thinker, whose name became the basis of the name.
He believed that there are two types of love – heavenly and bodily. The first one is platonic. She rose to the level of the divine, enlightened, true. The second was an earthly reflection of the first and was supported by animal instincts. At the same time, Plato believed that spiritual intimacy can exist exclusively between men. But the female destiny, in his opinion, was limited only to procreation.
Is platonic love real?
Real, but very rare. And most of it is temporary. For example, the feelings of teenagers. A couple may abstain from sǝxual intercourse for several years, experiencing an exclusively spiritual and moral interest. And having matured, young people are already deciding on intimate relationships.
The same applies to the principle “before the wedding – no, no.” Partners test the stability of their feelings by forbidding themselves to have sǝx before marriage. However, after it, they no longer refuse physical pleasures.
And yet, types of love that can rightfully be called platonic do exist. They can be both a conscious choice and the result of circumstances.
What is platonic love? Is platonic love real?
1. Religion.
In many cultures and religions of the world, there are holy orders that forbid their bearers to enter into physical intimacy. And although such people dedicate their lives to serving God/gods / the universe and spiritual development, earthly love still comes to some of them.
Some supporters of such religions consider this event a test, others simply continue to love without violating the laws of their beliefs. In the case of the latter, one can speak of platonic feelings. However, faith is not necessarily involved in such matters. Refusal to satisfy the “call of the flesh” is sometimes associated with:
- personal worldview, the desire to resist earthly temptations;
- unequal love (different castes, prohibition of parents);
- feelings for a partner who is already married (without intimacy);
- conscious rejection of relationships (if a loved one is a drug addict or an aggressive person, for example).
These situations are no longer connected with religion, but with personal views on life, cultural characteristics, social foundations, and parental upbringing.
2. Old age.
It is obvious that older people for the most part have a minimal need for active sǝx life. The body ceases to need such an occupation and no longer gives signals of dissatisfaction. The bedroom begins to be perceived only as a room for sleeping and relaxing.
If the feelings in the couple were based not only on the early violent years of sǝxual activity, the stage of platonic love comes. During this period, the partners are of course not interested in each other or anyone else in a sǝxual sense. Instead, they discover a vast life experience and:
- gratitude for years spent together (paradoxically, in such years, good moments are increasingly remembered, although human memory tends to focus more on bad memories);
- confidence to a beloved/beloved, a feeling that he/she can be relied on;
- awareness of the importance partner, the efforts that he is making now or has made in the past;
- attachment which grows stronger every year (and even if there is no love as such);
- care desire to help, the ability to properly accept help. Health problems are becoming more frequent and more difficult to bear. But support goes to a whole new level.
Separation from adult children, reduced activity, wisdom, time brings together partners in age, giving them a new portion of deep feelings.
3. Physiological features.
For a separate category of people with disabilities, sǝx becomes a medical prohibition or a completely physically impossible process. Some manage to get out of this situation, not abandoning attempts to have an active sǝx life. Others accept this alignment, finding an alternative in spiritual closeness with their couple.
Psychological or mental characteristics can also become a serious barrier to intimacy. Schizophrenia, panic attacks, deep trauma from past bad experiences make you periodically avoid sǝx or completely refuse it. Although, as a rule, such patients try to deal with the symptoms of their conditions, as they still need physical pleasure.
What can not be said about the category of people with the following features:
- asǝxuality – lack of sǝxual orientation and interest in it;
- frigidity (sǝxual coldness) – a progressive decrease in female libido or a steady reluctance;
- hypolibidemia – loss or congenital lack of sǝxual desire.
They can enter into intimate relationships, but they do it only for the sake of a partner. If they find someone who accepts their unusual trait, then they refuse contact in favor of the spiritual development of the relationship.
4. Irresponsibility of feelings.
Those who are not lucky with reciprocity are unwittingly forced to become supporters of platonic feelings. Love does not disappear at the snap of a finger. Moreover, it is felt even more acutely during breaks, unrequitedness, refusals to accept or share love. It turns out that you can’t count on relationships, physical intimacy. However, the emotions inside are still boiling, not going to go anywhere in the near future. What follows is one of two basic patterns of behavior.
- Try to forget your lover/lover, find a replacement, plunge into work or some activity, get rid of any reminders of a couple.
- Accept the state of affairs, continue to live on, not trying to get rid of your feelings, memories.
In the first case, a person ignores the problem, avoids pain, withdraws into himself. In the second, he consciously experiences platonic attachment. He may hope for something or just go with the flow, but he does not close himself off from real emotions. Oddly enough, but such meaningfulness even makes it easier to endure non-reciprocity.
What is platonic love? Is platonic love real?
Distance
With the advent and spread of social networks, long-distance relationships have become more relevant. Although they are not particularly encouraged by society, their number is not decreasing. But even if you do not take into account the possibilities of the Internet, there are still enough situations in which a couple has to part for a long time. For example:
- leaving the guy in the army;
- seafarer’s voyage;
- a contract for a model to work abroad;
- relocation of the family of one of the partners;
- promotion to a position in the main office;
- going to study in another country, etc.
Most likely these are temporary stages and the couple will meet sooner or later. However, the period of forced social distancing helps lovers to feel the delights of platonic love.
If the relationship is not renewed, and the partners remain to live at a distance, without visiting each other, most often the couple breaks up completely. Either it becomes a mutual decision, or one person meets a new hobby.
Friendship is platonic love?
Indeed, platonic relationships are very reminiscent of friendships. However, they cannot be considered identical. There are four main reasons for this.
- Spiritual attachment does not preclude sǝxual attraction. True friendship does not involve physical desire.
- Moral attachment complicates personal life, as the lover does not want to pay attention to others. Healthy friendships do nothing to prevent the development of the romantic realm.
- To regard as friendship any attachment that excludes sǝx means to deny the existence of religious, patriotic, parental love for oneself. What’s wrong.
- A circle of friends can include several people at once. Spiritual union arises only between two persons.
There is also an opinion that friendship is available to everyone from childhood, but falling in love does not come before puberty.
The conclusion is simple: friendly and platonic love are two different feelings. They have similar and even exactly the same sides, but still, they are not considered one.
What is platonic love? Is platonic love real?
What is stronger – simple or platonic love?
Finding an unambiguous answer, alas, will not work, as is the case with any philosophical question. There are only three main points of view.
- Platonic love is ideal, therefore it is considered longer, stronger than ordinary love.
- Simple love is real, it also includes physical compatibility, so it is more complicated, stronger than spiritual.
- One is the result of another. First there is an interest in appearance, it is based on physical attraction. Then the personality is revealed, there is a need for spiritual rapprochement.
The last option is paradoxical, because it does not exclude sǝxual intercourse from platonic relationships, although it significantly reduces its significance.
It turns out that platonic love is not a myth, but one of the types of real feelings with its own characteristics. Not everyone can be imbued with this state, since physical intimacy is extremely important for many. Perhaps a relationship without contact will seem to someone stupidity or a waste of time. Nevertheless, they make happy those who voluntarily and consciously choose them.
What is platonic love? Is platonic love real?
