What is the difference between co-dependence and counter-dependency? Any communication, an attempt to become closer can be destroyed if one of the partners is prone to counter-dependence. He defiantly withdraws from those close to him, closes his heart, avoids luooohus.
As a result, relationships fail to achieve trust. They are artificially maintained at a certain level, do not become deeper or richer, often simply fade away. Counterdependence in a relationship negatively affects both partners, interferes with the upbringing of de.
What is the difference between co-dependence and counter-dependency?
When it comes to problematic relationships between people, many recall the existence of codependency. A person becomes attached to another, correlates with him all his actions, steps. His emotions, feelings are directly dependent on the mood and behavior of a partner, parent, child.
However, there is a completely opposite problem – one of the partners in a pair is purposefully maintained in a position that excludes any possibility of depending on others. He closes himself, lives his own hus, rejects all attempts to get close to them and works out the contract.
You can see that you are trying to avoid it. Counter-dependence is closer to co-dependence, since a person forms his world based on the desire to prove his independence and closeness with all his might. The starting point is other people. Originating in the fight against it is necessary for it to be different, so that it is possible to understand it.
How to recognize counter dependence
To understand the mechanism of counter-dependence, you can consider examples of two age crises – 3 years old. It was at this time that the most striking distortion in the child’s attitude towards other people is observed.
Fear of closeness. Counterdependence. Psychotherapy of addictions.
Approximately by the age of 3, the child begins to firmly believe that he can do everything himself. He doesn’t need parents, grandparents. He runs away for a walk, decides that the weather allows walking barefoot through puddles, tries to collect furniture instead. The child shows independence from everyone, but, of course, is not yet aware of this. To those who are interested in the project, on the other hand, the position is different.
ANALOGICALLY YAVLenie observed in adolescence. The motivation in this case is different, however, an already matured child, just like at 3 years old, is trying to build his own world, trying to break away from one point – significant adults. On current, it is necessary to be careful, and to be able to do so. Dreams of becoming independent, but dreams goes too far, denies you and n draw, closes, number sfororororororororoße
At the exit from the crisis, with normal relations in the family, adequate feelings are formed – independence, doniver. However, if a child is rotten, broken, forced to obey oneself, the risk of counter-dependence is high. If you choose to do this, you need to do it by yourself:
- The person shuts himself up. Often this is associated with a sense of shame for their behavior, thoughts, desires, inability to succeed.
- Fixation on oneself, selfishness, ignoring the interests and needs of others.
- It is impossible to get warm words, empathy, sincerity from a counter-dependent person. Instead of being formed consciously or unconsciously.
- Such a person is inclined to consider himself always right, does not want to admit guilt, mistakes.
- It is not possible to do this in the external situation. Based on the negative childhood experience, he does not believe that he will receive help. Rather, I am sure that he will be punished in some way, accused of all sins, ridiculed.
- Shows aggression. This is due to the habit of defending, which comes from childhood.
- Denies even the slightest possibility of becoming dependent, appearing weak, in need of help. This tendency causes the formation of a negative attitude towards the weak, people who need support.
Scenarios for the development of relations with a counter-addict
All people are different, however, when analyzing interactions, close relationships with a person prone to counter-dependence, you can see some patterns. Most often, there is a complaint that one of the partners does not need anyone and it is impossible to be with him.
Entering into a relationship, he predicts his independence, forms a position of loneliness; The couple nominally exists, but there is no internal unity, connection, trust between them.
Other common scenarios include:
- Seductive fox.
PARTNERS DOes everything to get the attention of another. However, as soon as this happens, he “wags his tail” and goes about his business, more in Ecp and with a seductive sones ft
Such a scenario is likely if the second partner is prone to codependency. Just imagine – you seduced a young man and, satisfied, go about your business.
And he, like a prince from a fairy tale, begins to run after you. Happy when you are happy. Cries when you are sad.
- Fixation on sex.
PARTNERS avoids building close relationships, does not let anyone into his heart. As soon as the second partner begins to look for a deeper relationship, he leaves.
- Love triangle.
A person simultaneously establishes or maintains relationships with more than one partner, keeps everyone on a leash, promises something, but does not strive for intimacy.
- Setting boundaries.
These are not just borders, but powerful stone walls, beyond which no one is allowed. Relationships are formed with a purpose; often it is not hidden. For example, you need to show that you are like everyone else – you have a family, a child. In fact, you are only interested in work. Often a similar position is chosen when entering into a marriage of convenience.
Solving the problem of counterdependence in relationships
Whatever scenario of relations with a counter-addict can be traced in a couple, if the tension associated with the desire to isolate oneself from a partner is not reduced, they will not have a happy continuation. That is why counterdependence is a problem that needs to be solved.
If your partner holds this position, rid him of counter-dependence without his desire is a practical knife. Success awaits only if you provide him with a sense of security every day. To absolutely it is possible to arrange and manage with two storages. Don’t talk about love, don’t demand anything, just take care, respect, create warmth. If the partner does not consciously set boundaries, everything will be fine.
In all other cases, it is necessary to work with a psychologist whom he can internally trust. Another condition is his desire to change. After all, often the position of counter-dependence is very convenient. It removes responsibility, allows you to play a dominant role in relationships, make others depend on you.
In communication with a psychologist, a therapist, the boundaries are consistently removed, a sense of success is formed.
