What is unrequited love? What to do and how to achieve reciprocity?

What is unrequited love? What to do and how to achieve reciprocity? The phrase “unrequited love” contains a lot – here is the hope for a mutual feeling, and a strong desire to be close to the object of one’s love, and suffering from a feeling that, it seems, has no hope of understanding. She cannot do without a willingness to wait for the attention of the object of her worship for an eternity, while not paying the slightest attention to other representatives (representatives) of the opposite sex.

As practice shows, in most cases, the first unrequited love comes in adolescence, and to be more precise, almost childhood. At this time, self-doubt contributes to its appearance, and, fed by the just emerging “adult” hormones, youthful maximalism. Increased (thanks to the same hormones) level of emotionality, a tendency to invent suffering out of the blue. All these factors combine to create the perfect soil for the sprout of an unrequited lonely feeling.

Most people go through periods of “enlightenment” as they age. They are already becoming able to analyze their own feelings, emotions and draw up schemes of possible behavior that takes into account true, and not the fruit of their own fantasy, desires and goals. Analyzing all emotions, adults find an opportunity to realize them, moreover, to realize them with success for themselves. Teenage self-doubt and subconscious attraction to unrequited feelings are replaced by courage and readiness for true love of an adult.

But, unfortunately, such metamorphoses do not happen to everyone. Some men and women, even having matured, continue to remain in the trap of unrequited love and are not able to get out of it on their own. And this is all, despite the fact that they do their best to demonstrate to themselves and to those around them their sincere desire to break out of the vicious circle that has formed under the name of unrequited love.

But, the main problem is that all this is sincere only in words. In fact, people do nothing to really change the current situation. As a result of this, they remain alone with their constrained shyness, unrequited love. What leads to such a strategy of behavior that is detrimental to the individual, what exactly are the reasons that make it possible to break out of the hateful captivity and become truly happy?

What is unrequited love? What to do and how to achieve reciprocity?

Subconscious tendency towards one-sided love

The tendency to unrequited feelings is formed in most cases in people who are modest and unsure of their own abilities. These include primarily:

  1. People who have not found the strength to endure past painful experiences and thus remain forever in an unstable adolescence. The inability to transition to a new life stage leads to absorption by a whirlpool called “unrequited love.”
  2. People whose level of self-esteem is close to critical. As a rule, this is combined with an almost complete lack of self-esteem. Often, in early childhood, they felt they were not needed by anyone and, accordingly, because of this, the foundations for self-respect were not laid.
  3. People who are afraid of reality. They see her as unpredictable and threatening. This is what pushes them to the solution of “virtual” love. Only the Internet in this case has nothing to do with it. They experience all the feelings and thoughts that accompany love exclusively in their own heads. Not being ready to act in reality, they remain forever locked in their own subconscious.
  4. People who grew up in incomplete or simply unhappy families. Unfamiliar with the principles of modeling a happy family and not observing the tender and trusting relationships between parents accompanying love in childhood, they, having matured, simply cannot imagine what mutual feeling is. Moreover, they simply do not believe in its existence. Therefore, unrequited love is the only feeling they are capable of.

Separately, it is worth dwelling on those of our fellow citizens who are simply not ready to make drastic changes in their personal lives. Conservatism leads to the appearance of a persistent unwillingness to fall under the “wind of change”. The fact that they quite consciously do not want to change anything in their usual way of life and leads to the consolidation of the prevailing unrequited, but such a feeling that has already become familiar and familiar.

And, the last category of people for whom unrequited love is the only possible manifestation of feelings are those who, for one reason or another, do not want to understand their own feelings and understand them. Even if they try to get to know a new person and start a relationship, they deliberately, on a subconscious level, choose such people from whom, due to certain circumstances, they are simply not able to reciprocate.


Summing up the above, we can definitely say for sure that the tendency to unrequited love is by no means innate. It is a direct consequence of social and related education. These conclusions in themselves already provide confidence that with the help of purposeful psychological self-improvement, one can change the prevailing circumstances and forget forever what unrequited love is.

Changes in your own psyche will lead to a significant increase in the chances of finding true, mutual love for yourself, that is, building relationships with people who are ready for reciprocity.

Possible Benefits of Unrequited Love

It turns out that in addition to all the negative aspects that unrequited love brings, it can also bring positive, beneficial moments to a person. Negatively perceiving everything that happens, people are simply not inclined either to notice them or to evaluate the received positive according to their merits. Many will not understand what it is about. So, the whole point is that:

  • One-sided feeling eliminates the need to live in the same apartment with a real partner. That is, it eliminates the need to put up with someone’s desires, habits. A virtual partner is ideal, as it is devoid of all sorts of flaws and loving him is a real pleasure.
  • Love “in one direction” allows you to hide not only from your partner, but also from yourself. The absence of doubts, complexes and fears is provided by loneliness. No one rubs salt in the wound and does not impose their behavior patterns.

In some cases, it also happens that a person simply does not experience an inner desire for real mutual love. The reasons for this may be:

  • Fear of relationships;
  • Unwillingness to share your comfort zone with a real partner;
  • misunderstanding of what is happening.

In such cases, it is unrequited love that is the only possible form of relationship. Thus, an unrequited feeling becomes a protection, a kind of screen from reality and relationships in it.

Also, unrequited feelings are to some extent the best way to draw attention to your own person. There will always be a person ready to listen to the unfortunate lover, sympathize with him and support him. It is worth noting that for some people this attitude towards themselves is very even on their own.

But, in fact, such empathy and participation does not lead to any real changes in the current situation. Remaining closed in the space of his unhappy love, a person simply does not review the current situation and, accordingly, does not change it. In return, he receives only an illusory replacement for real life with its emotional fullness, colorful emotions, real feelings.


By and large, everything is explained by the fact that illusory feelings become so colorful and, it seems, real that they completely discourage the desire to “move” into a boring reality filled with fears and completely devoid of joyful hopes.

It turns out that all the imaginary benefits that unrequited love can give are only in an ever greater distance from real living relationships. It seems to a person that love should come to him in some incredible magical way. But, unfortunately, that doesn’t happen in real life.

What to do with unrequited love?

Quite in vain, many people think that an unrequited feeling is the limit of everything that can be achieved in life. On the contrary, in an unrequited feeling one can see the possibility of realizing the internal resources of the subconscious and, accordingly, the chances for positive changes in life, all that unrequited love is unable to give.

The value of the resource is that unrequited love teaches not to demand reciprocal feelings in relation to oneself – compassion, pity, universal justice. This leads to the emergence of a stable habit of living independently and not allowing the slightest thought of mutual feelings.

But, if you still consider the lesson given by life, you can learn from his invaluable experience, learn to love, even if at the moment it is unrequited. Such love, which does not expect anything from a partner, teaches us to be undemanding and not to doubt the reality and correctness of what is happening. This ultimately leads to the fact that a person learns to desire happiness even for those who are not ready to be near him.

Thus, people learn a full and rich lifestyle, openness in relations with a new potential partner, strategies for building new relationships. Gradually filling his life, a person makes his life more colorful and interesting. All this can greatly increase the likelihood of meeting with the one you love and the only one, gaining the possibility of an all-consuming and mutual feeling.

Is mutual love real?

Many people wonder whether mutual love exists at all and whether it is realistic to find the strength to confess one’s feelings to a loved one. Sometimes, instead of spending days, weeks, months or even years in doubt, all you need is to muster up the courage and confess your love.

During a frank conversation, you can get answers to many questions of interest in the first place:

  • Is reciprocity possible in your relationship;
  • How interesting you are to a potential partner as a person.


That is, an open “frank” confession can lead out of the vicious circle of unrequited love.

How to avoid unrequited feelings?

Psychologists unanimously argue that, wanting reciprocity from a loved one, first of all you need to love yourself. You can’t think of yourself as unattractive, stupid, or lacking in charisma. All this is quite natural, how can a complete stranger love someone who does not love himself?

In order to verify the correctness of the above, it is enough to just look around, pay attention to how many people who are completely ugly in appearance are happy with their soul mates. A logical question arises – why is this happening? The answer to it is impossibly simple – perceiving themselves as they really are, these people are filled with self-confidence and, accordingly, instill this confidence in others.

It is worth learning to pamper yourself, take care of your body, review your wardrobe, find your favorite pastime in life. By and large, do everything in order to realize and love your inner world. Stop thinking that everyone in the world is better than you, believe in yourself. It is worth finally stopping to console yourself with your useless existence and blame all the events that take place at the will of evil fate.

The constant tears shed over the fate of oneself, the beloved, will only cause that everyone around will begin to perceive the sufferer as a permanent victim of circumstances and in no way as a full-fledged person who deserves love and reciprocity.

What is unrequited love? What to do and how to achieve reciprocity?

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