What to do if a husband cheats on another and lies – how to behave? The key to a strong relationship is love and trust. Is it possible to stay with a person who has undermined this trust? What should I do if my husband keeps cheating? How to make an informed decision and understand where to go next.
How to act?
Sarah J. Watkins and Susan D. Boone conducted a study in 2015 (Expectations regarding partner fidelity in dating relationships), according to which people are subject to two conflicting beliefs.
With one STORony, they are sure that almost every second one changes. To it that you are unfamiliar with it in the Cheloweka it is now in 42% of the time.
But these same people are convinced that the chance that they are being cheated on by their significant other is only 5%, and that they will face cheating in the future is 8%.
Thus, people know that in reality, cheating is a common situation. No love, no fidelity, no shared children guarantee that a partner will be faithful. But, on the other hand, people subconsciously believe that their case is unique, and they will not face infidelity.
Such a delusion makes the fact of infidelity shocking, it is simply difficult for a person to believe in what is happening. The news of the betrayal causes them such a violent reaction that people often make hasty decisions, which they may later regret.
Before making any major decisions, you need to:
- recognize what happened as a given, from which no one is immune;
- decide what you want;
- understand the position of a man;
- Be careful with the room and try to save it.
How to understand yourself?
Having learned that your husband is cheating, all your further actions will depend only on what you want. Are you ready to Fight for marriage and save it, or you will not be able to come to terms with the fact that the partner crossed out the trust that was between you.
Don’t worry, it’s easy. In order for the decision to be made consciously, you need to get rid of unproductive beliefs that prevent you from sensibly assessing what is happening between you. Barriers to awareness include:
Cheating men: forgive or let go?
- fear of loneliness – if the marriage lasted long enough, it is difficult for you to imagine your life without this man, it seems that he is your only one, that you cannot cope without him;
- fear for children – divorce, of course, a traumatic event for a child, but life with a person you hate, constant quarrels and control, can no less negatively affect his psyche;
- self-doubt – it does not allow you to listen to yourself, protect your borders, makes you blame sepi for Јomer d shomer d Јpolyaet;
- Financial dependence on the husband – the family provides for the family; you do not have your own housing, work, it is more difficult to make a decision;
- Fear of condemnation from society and pressure from society – usually people around convince that a woman should be silent, endure and “be wiser.”
It is necessary to analyze all 4 attitudes and come up with a plan for how you will deal with them if, nevertheless, you want to get a divorce.
The plan is not yet a divorce. You may not even use it. But if you made it up, if you know how to act in the worst case scenario, you will feel more free and confident.
If you cannot work out your fears and doubts on your own, seek the advice of a psychologist or talk with a loved one who can understand and support you. No remember, that is the actual reschedule as far as possible by the toboy.
To accept it, analyze your married life. How much good she gives you, and how much bad. Think about what is valuable in these relationships and in this man, how significant he is to you.
It’s also important to identify the strengths in your relationship that will help you get through the crisis. This is the “baggage” of positive feelings that you have for each other.
To be in a resource state, strengthen your social self-realization. Communicate with loved ones, do what brings you pleasure, learn new things. It is important that your life is not limited to the role of wife and mother.
How to understand your husband?
There are 2 types of change:
- accidental and one-time, when a person simply showed weakness, could not control himself, did not think about the consequences;
- repeated at any opportunity – then infidelity already becomes part of the character of a man and it is impossible to remake him if he himself does not want it.
According to 2017 studies (Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater Serial Infidelity Across Subsequent Relationships, K. Knopp, Sh Scott, L. Ritchie, GK Rhoades, HJ Markman, Stanley SM?.) – even a single betrayal can lead to repetition.
If you are faced with the fact that a man does this more than once or even has a permanent lover, this suggests that your relationship and your feelings are less important to him than his needs and desires.
Keeping the marriage or not depends not only on what you want, but also on the position that your husband takes.
If he values family relationships, if he understands that he betrayed your trust, tries to atone for guilt, build relationships and wants to be with you – there is a chance that you will overcome this and become even closer.
But if a man devalues the depth of your feelings, does not consider that he is wrong in some way, if he doesn’t care if you file for divorce or not, then no matter how much you take care of your figure, you don’t try to be an “ideal wife” – the situation Will not change.
Whether to keep the relationship?
It is impossible to regain trust if a man does not strive for this. Therefore, once in this position, you need to either come to terms with the fact that he is cheating on you, or get divorced.
To understand everything, you need:
- decide for yourself whether you need a relationship where there is no trust in each other;
- understand whether the husband needs this marriage;
- talk frankly with your husband and say if you are ready to fight for the relationship;
- look at his reaction and see if he is ready to change in order to save the marriage.
Sometimes it helps to take a break in a relationship to better understand yourself and how to live on.
Is it possible to have it in the brakes that are in place? According to various surveys of couples who have survived infidelity but have kept the relationship:
- they recognized that it would not be the same as before;
- both partners took responsibility for the betrayal;
- they were ready to change and work on relationships;
- they understood that it takes time to get over what happened;
- they were ready to make contact and try to understand each other;
- they sought help from a family psychologist.
In any case, cheating is an unpleasant reality that many people face. Whether it is possible to regain trust depends on the desire of both spouses to change, forgive, give the relationship a second chance.
It is important to think about what you lacked, what problems caused the infidelity of a man. No trying to blame each other, but looking for a way out of this situation.
Sohranit relations by all means is an unproductive position. It is important to decide if you can be happy together. If yes, then you need to work on problems, restore lost trust.