What to do if the guy does not want to admit your relationship? The partner directly said that he did not want a relationship, but at the same time, he continued to spend time with you, live under the same roof, and generally behave as if there was a union in fact. It was worth parting with this – he immediately found a new one. Moreover, he agreed to take on obligations with her, even got married! Agree? Did you know?
In Europe and the United States, in this case, they talk about the adoptive partner syndrome, but more often girls find themselves in a similar situation. The concept is not new, it can even be compared with the concept of an “alternate airfield”, but there are differences. Not so long ago, they started talking about the phenomenon in social networks: for example, Australian radio producer Jana Hawking shared her thoughts, saying that all her partners immediately married others after breaking up. Let’s figure out what hints at the fragility of the relationship, and consider what to do if a person is with you, but not forever.
Are adoptive girls adopted?
No, it’s a slang term. In the online dictionary Urban Dictionary, the adopted girl is the one with whom the partner met before finding the ideal companion. The term is heteronormative, but in fact, a similar situation can be observed in any unions. The funny thing is that we have seen examples of such relationships in popular culture: in “500 Days of Summer” Summer immediately got engaged to another, breaking up with Tom, in “Sex and the City” Mr. Big married Natasha, shortly before noticing in a conversation with Carrie that is not ready for commitment. Even in “Only” the boyfriend of the protagonist Arthur immediately got married, although he met with the former for several years.
Relations with host partners are different from the concept of an alternate airfield. In the first case, a couple can stay together for a year, two, ten – until one of the partners initiates a breakup in order to decide on serious steps with a new chosen one. In the second case, the person can return to the slave partner over and over again in order to pass the period without a relationship with him.
It’s a shame to be an adoptive partner, if only because in such unions you invest many times more – and you don’t get what you want, be it reciprocal attention, respect, confidence in the future. It is perceived as a temporary measure before meeting with a special person.
What to do if the guy does not want to admit your relationship?
Why a partner is neither a friend nor an enemy, but
Dating coach Clara Artschwager argues that often, if intuition tells you to get out of a relationship, because you can become an adoptive person in it, then you should not neglect the sensations. Let’s analyze how partners who do not want to admit that you are the one can behave.
Just say you don’t want a relationship
Often, such partners can immediately voice their unwillingness to enter into serious alliances, but at the same time remain close. According to Bustle columnist Griffin Wynn, this is how they make it clear that they do not want a relationship with you. As an example, Winn cites the story of one of Chloe’s readers: the girl said that she had been dating a colleague for a long time, and then he simply stopped communicating.
Do not fully invest in the union
So says relationship expert Susan Winter: according to her, in a couple people show mutual interest, talk about hobbies, experience turning points together – this helps them stay together. In the event that one partner is adopted for another, there is a large distance – usually at the initiative of the chosen one of the adopted girl.
How to break out of misunderstandings
When meeting with someone, being an adoptive partner, you need to understand that such an alliance is unlikely to bear fruit. Yes, you will feel good together, but it will not be possible to say with complete certainty that you will definitely live together, create a common life. It’s one thing if you immediately agreed that there is nothing serious between you: here you have the right to stay with each other until the right moment comes for parting. If you wanted monogamy and stability with a certain partner, but the guy is not too eager to share obligations between you, remember the following.
You seem to be together, but no. The partner is ready to share the bed and sometimes even behaves as if he is staying with you on an ongoing basis, but directly says that he will leave as soon as possible. Think about whether you really need it. Often, the desire to stay with a guy, whatever he may be, is driven by the fear of loneliness and low self-esteem. If you have the opportunity, visit a psychotherapist with whom you will analyze the situation. In case you are working on the problem yourself, use the Descartes square. Divide the sheet into four parts: in the first, describe what the cons of parting with a partner will be, in the second, analyze the pros of the decision. In the third and fourth parts, write down the disadvantages and advantages of the relationship. Having painted possible scenarios for the development of events, you can look at the situation objectively, without succumbing to panic and anxiety.
Often, adoptive partners become like this because of a tendency to invent what is not there: they want to change a cold person who does not seek a relationship; believe that he really cannot answer the phone or that he really has internal blocks that interfere with your overall well-being. Tell what you would like to see in your union, ask your partner about what is happening: find out from him personally why he stays around if he does not want your relationship to move on. Several options are possible: either the partner will justify himself with a lack of time and effort, or he will honestly say what the matter is. Do not be shy to initiate a breakup if what is between you now does not suit you: even being extremely busy, a person will definitely find time to pay attention to his beloved.
Don’t think it’s about you
If it turned out that you have already broken up and the partner has found a new person with whom he did everything that you expected from him, focus on mental health: often adopted girl do not become like that because they are bad in some way. They are often insecure. If you have not committed an act that objectively deserves blame from your partner, think about why you are looking for the reasons for parting in yourself.
You should not kill yourself according to the decision of the former: it is not your fault that he left, and even then acted in this way. Everything that is a priority for a partner has nothing to do with you, so you should not take the decisions of the other person at your own expense, no matter how painful they may be. Focus on yourself – being self-sufficient, you can not dwell on the breakup, get more pleasure from new relationships, and know that it is not at all necessary to find a partner in order to take place in life. What to do if the guy does not want to admit your relationship?