Dumped by a guy and you don’t know what to do? Now confused and depressed? Arriving in a state of frustration? Are you wearing it or not? Or maybe you are hatching a revenge plan so that he feels as bad as you? Or maybe … in your case, as in a joke:
– Honey, if I go to another, will you regret it?
Why should I feel sorry for someone else’s woman?
In general, this issue is important to consider in the context of personal perception. To you, it is necessary to do that by the position, which is too late to do so. No way about all that by the Portuguese.
Identify the central “pain centers”
What does it mean to identify central pain points?
- Under the weight of those who want it, it is too late for an emotional reaction.
Where to begin?
- From studying yourself, your inner world.
The first thing to do is to listen to yourself: your thoughts, feelings, emotions.
In the matter of “elimination” one of the participants in the “duet” is important to understand what hurts you. When you understand what exactly you are dealing with, it will be easier for you to survive the breakup.
Moreover, the EMO-rational degree in dynamics will decrease, and as a result, from the former negative EMO-rational background for weeks and weeks.
Let’s be honest: no matter how strong any of us is, anyway, we sometimes experience negative emotions, we can cry, feel sorry for ourselves, even scold. We can be attacked by negative thoughts. And this is normal! But when someone “gets stuck in these states”, the prolongation of the negative event begins, and the person literally works.
What does it mean to listen to yourself?
In cognitive psychology there is an ABC formula. By her example, you will learn to identify the central trigger of your emotions. The decoding of the formula looks like this:
- A – activating event / situation;
- B – thoughts, images, interpretations, imaginations, conclusions;
- C – either emotions or behavior.
Central in this form is “B”. In what way:
- B – is available to how the brain processes information about “A” and transforms it into schemes, models, stories.
- B – allows you to look at “A” in terms of how we talk to ourselves about them.
That is why different people will have different emotional reactions to the same event.
- Based on this form, answer to yourself: How do I interpret “A”?
- What does the end of a relationship mean to me personally?
- What images and thoughts in my head generates a break in relations;
- Which EMOtions were “activated” by the event that excites me?
CBT: A Guide to Thoughts and Emotions
We will not do a full analysis with you. This block is just a hint for the bowels of your subconscious. Its purpose is to clearly show you what exactly you are faced with and what consequences this has.
To begin with, let’s go through the thoughts. You already answered the questions above. No, let’s make a list of clue answers from unfinished sentences. After all, the purpose of this article is that you can help yourself.
List of thought tips
It can be the most varied. No later than you can see and get the key.
- He left me because I…
- This relationship was for me…
- After the breakup, my life became…
- I think never again…
- I really miss now…
- Now I really want…
How to forget a loved one?
- After the breakup, my self-esteem…
- This person is to me…
- I think I could…
- I do not want any more…
- List of emotion hints
- As you remember from the ABC formula, it is thoughts that generate emotions. Let’s try to make a list of the key ones.
- An insult
Try to connect thoughts and emotions. That is, what kind of thought generates a key emotion. For example, the thought: “I will never be able to …” may have the following continuation: “… build a new relationship.” It can generate feelings of loneliness. And it turns out that in order not to feel lonely, you will mentally hold on to this relationship.
Another option is the thought: “I think I could …” may have the following continuation: “… do not spend so much time on this relationship”, and generate resentment – like unjustified expectations, and regret about the lost time.
In this case, then you may encounter the fact that the past negative experience will be the support. And that, in turn, can be “triple filtering” in building new relationships.
To that buddesh oh is closed and you can just “miss” who your real man is
Top key misconceptions
I suggest you familiarize yourself with the main ones. You will understand how they affect the interpretation of what happened, and what consequences can have.
- Misconception #1 “I sincerely believe that I might be abandoned”
Let’s start with the main one. Namely, from the wording of the request: “What to do if the guy left.” The key word here is “quit”. Experts do not just say that you need to change your thinking.
Our brain is designed in such a way that it literally interprets what is formulated. Therefore, when “I was abandoned” appears, an exaggerated pity for oneself immediately arises, as someone helpless, and probably you have a question: “Why did the word sounded – inspirited?”.
Everything is very simple. A priori, you can not leave the personality! You can only throw things. As for relationships, you can stop loving a person and leave him. In some cases, the gap – personifies the avoidance of responsibility, when one of the “duet” is not ready to switch to a new one.
Still, as an option, a break in relations can occur when one of the partners changes priorities. To it reasons, there can be an infinite number. In each pare as individual.
Remember! They can leave you, but you cannot be abandoned, because you are a person, and not some kind of inanimate thing!
- Misconception No. 2 “For me, the breakup of a relationship is a tragedy of a universal scale”
Of course, you can say that it is. That each person is individual, and for you personally, a gap is akin to something irreparable, and tragic. I won’t even argue with you.
But let’s be honest: do you want to suffer, or still be happy? If – the second, written below, just for you.
It can be assumed that, looking for “salvation” on the Internet, you have already read more than one article. And for sure you came across those in which the gap is equated with the loss. And they offer you to go through the stages of mourning.
Such an approach is fundamentally wrong, because you unconsciously “hang” an EMO-rational burden on yourself. Again, let’s turn to how important the right wording is for our brain.
Loss – in this case, is perceived as something that belonged to you, and you lost it. No! Each of us, first of all, is an individual! We can change our worldview, life plan, prioritization. Each of, so to speak, a single unit. How can you lose something that literally does not belong to you?
- A man once made his choice in your favor. And now, his priorities have changed, and he is making a different choice.
Moreover, when the breakup is considered from the point of view of loss, that is, death, the emotional background, painted in black, is automatically “pulled up”.
The stages of mourning, which, in some Internet sources, are equated with a break, were prescribed by their authors, specifically for mourning in cases of death or fatal diagnoses. To you, you are there on the subject, it is not and it is small and not a budget.
Snim can never be met by chance, there are no more chances and hopes. Death puts an end to it.
In the case of a breakup, there is a possibility that you can be together.
Now you understand why you shouldn’t associate a breakup with the stages of mourning.
- creates a distorted perception;
- hangs an EMO functional load painted in dark colors;
- “turns on” the fight against windmills.
- Change your thinking.
Don’t take the breakup as a tragedy. Yes – this novel was a drama, not a melodrama. No, the new list is: gentle, romantic and long lasting.
- Do a “revision” of your thoughts and emotions.
This will help you identify your key pain points. When you designate them, you will no longer start from the general, but from your particular. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy will help you.
- Place the right accents: you are a person, you cannot be abandoned.
Yes, they can leave you, they can stop loving you, they can … yes, many of these can. But, if there was a gap, it’s just not your person. And right now, it’s time for him to leave your life.
- There is such an anecdote: “If your wife left you, it is still unknown who was lucky.”
In pursuit of the above, you can reformulate and say with another quote: “Do not hold back the one who leaves, otherwise the one who goes specifically to you will not come!”.
- not private. to loss.
Nobody died, everyone is alive. As long as a person is alive, there is always a chance. Perhaps a gap, this is a kind of respite, aimed at reassessing values. There is another quote: “If you love, let go, if it is yours, then it will definitely return, if not, then it will never be mine.”
- Not the monitor but the screen, it’s clear, it’s on by the set.
Thus, you will not help yourself, but will only aggravate the EMO-rational state. Sublimate the released energy into something that will please you.
- Maybe for a long time I wanted to take up some kind of hobby, but there was no time, or there was a desire to sigh, but they kept me.
Or, I wanted to radically change my image. Now is the time to do it.
- Provod the world in the company that lives, which is the same as that and now.
Their spiritual warmth will avoid the feeling of spiritual loneliness.
- Remember, breaking up a relationship is some kind of me past stage, which, for sure, is something-seln
As the saying goes: “Some people bring happiness, while others bring experience and tempered character!”