What to do if the husband behaves like a child? The husband behaves like a child – he does not want to take responsibility for everyday worries, to help. Requires something here and now, passionate about everything, except for aspects of family life. Sometimes you even wonder if you got married or “adopted” a big boy.
We will tell you why the behavior of men becomes this way, and what women should do.
Try to understand when this behavior happened
First, you need to understand when such behavior became the norm for your man. Maybe he was like this before marriage, but you didn’t notice, or it all started quite recently. Now we need to think about why this could happen.
In many cases, the answer is simple: he has never lived on his own, and therefore is not used to taking responsibility. If a man lives too long in his parents’ house, where his mother helps to cope with all the everyday difficulties, he remains a child. Not in all cases, of course, but often mothers spoil adult sons too much.
Or another example: he conquered you, put the ring on his finger, and relaxed. It woke up infantilism and a desire to shift domestic problems onto your shoulders.
Analyze whether he behaved this way before meeting you, or whether it was you who influenced the desire to behave like a child.
The two described cases are radically different, but the methods of “fighting” with a pile of cases on their shoulders are suitable for both.
Determine what your actions provoke his infantilism
In order for a person to take responsibility, he must have a reason and desire to solve a specific problem himself.
Look at your family life “from the outside”: what are you doing for your husband. Maybe you are doing repairs yourself without asking him for help, or you are sorting out the blockage on the balcony. Determine what responsibilities you have taken on simply by default.
Also, often the behavior of the child provokes hyper-custody on the part of the wife. The husband left the slippers by the bed – in the evening they themselves appear at the entrance. She decides what tie to wear to work. The wife writes her husband to the doctor as soon as she hears his complaints about a suddenly sore back. If you recognize yourself in at least one of the examples, add them to the list – then you have to work closely with it.
Remember that both people should be interested in developing relationships and maintaining them. How to understand that you are investing in a relationship more than a partner, we have already told.
Discuss your feelings honestly with him.
Choose a time when your husband is not busy with anything: talking during his computer game or dinner will lead to nothing.
Tell him honestly about what worries you: without accusations, tears, or other components of a family quarrel.
Reproaches from a man will not achieve anything, except for the negative. It is better to choose phrases that show your feelings and desires: “It’s hard for me with you because you scatter socks all over the apartment. I want you to put them in the laundry basket.”
And so on all counts. Be sure to listen to what your spouse says – whether he takes into account your words, or claims that the house is solely your responsibility.
After that, we move on to the next steps.
Take away your hyper control
Children we educate and take care of, and we apply the same methods to a man-child. It is absolutely impossible to do this.
In order for a person to become independent, you need to give him space for this.
For example, you are used to the fact that his clothes hang on all armchairs and chairs, which you move daily to the closet. The next day, the same picture awaits you, and the mood deteriorates from this.
Tell your husband that things should not lie on the furniture, but in the closet. And then supplement that with a promise not to clean them up again.
At first, the spouse may not pay attention to your requests, or deliberately ignore them, thinking that the mess will get you anyway and you will clean it up. As difficult as it may be to come to terms with the fact that clutter is growing, do not give up. One day, the ironed and clean clothes will run out, and he will have to deal with it himself.
By the way, this technique is also used in raising children. Perhaps the “big boy” will be more difficult to convince and take longer, but usually, the method gives the desired effect.
Also, force yourself to forget about meeting reminders with colleagues. Do not ask if he put the lunch you cooked in the lunchbox in his backpack, if he took the keys. If your husband has promised to buy movie tickets, don’t “find out” the details until he says it himself. Show that you completely trust and rely on him.
At first, this situation may arise: the spouse will forget an important matter and be upset by the impending consequences. Perhaps he will accuse you of not reminding him – no matter how insulting it is, refrain from caustic words. On the contrary, once again remind that you trust him, and therefore did not “get into” his area of responsibility.
Here we touch on the feeling of shame and conscience, but in such a way that the man himself thinks about it. It is unlikely that next time he will want to wait two hours at the door without keys, eat a hot dog instead of dinner, or miss a movie premiere.
Without reminders, your husband will have to re-learn how to discipline himself and “grow up.”
Working on your hyper control is good for you too. Trying to keep everything in your hands takes a lot of energy. Try to accept the fact that there are things that we simply cannot control.
Encourage his independence
Any person is pleased with the approval of his actions, especially from close people.
Don’t forget to thank your husband for the things he has done. If he hung a shelf that you have been asking for a long time, be sure to note that he is a great fellow and placed it conveniently. Everyone loves compliments, even if they don’t show it.
But it’s not worth “replaying” either – don’t reduce encouragement to “lisping”, as with a small child. Moderation in compliments will lead to a greater desire to receive them, and the corresponding motivation. So only say what you really feel.
Give it time
A person’s habits cannot change overnight, no matter how hard he tries. You need to give your partner time to get used to responsibility and making important decisions.
But this does not mean that you need to endure his infantilism and hope for a miracle. May this time be productive for you in your work on hyper control.
When a spouse is left alone with his problems, do not move away completely, and do not refuse support when he asks for it.
Watch what happens in your relationship. Unfortunately, some people cannot pull themselves together and begin to change for the better. Then you should ask yourself a reasonable question: are you ready to endure further, or is it time to end the relationship that brings discomfort. The decision, in this case, remains only with you.
What to do if the husband behaves like a child?