What to do if the husband constantly finds fault and blames everything? Before deciding how to act and respond to such behavior of a husband, think about when you appeared at? Or has he always been like this? Answering the question “when did it start” will help you understand this better.
Reasons for nagging
Each case and relationship is individual, from the point of view of psychology, several of the most common reasons can be distinguished:
- the husband is experiencing life difficulties that are not related to your relationship, and his nit-picking is a consequence of irritation;
- a husband is a perfectionist or a pedant – what seems to you a trifle “knocks him out of the rut”;
- the husband lacks attention from you;
- the husband copies the behavior of his parents, and nit-picking seems to him a normal part of communication in the family;
- the husband asserts himself at the expense of other people, including you;
- your feelings have cooled over the years, and you began to notice each other’s shortcomings;
- the husband compares you with his mother, whom he perceives as an ideal;
- The husband wants to get a divorce and is looking for a reason to do so.
There is another reason that is often overlooked. Maybe you just think he’s picking on you. A man is trying to convey to you things that are important to him, to talk about what he doesn’t like.
Because you can’t hear him, he repeats it over and over again, which of course makes you feel bad.
Therefore, it is important to listen to what exactly his nit-picking is connected with. If they are not total but relate to a certain area of your family life, then perhaps you should listen to them and change something.
Talking about what you don’t like is an important skill for partners. No, you have to wear it and press it to the front of the house.
But it’s a completely different matter when you realize that your husband finds fault with you all the time, finds any reason to express his dissatisfaction, while not trying to change something in himself.
What to do if the husband finds fault?
First of all, you need to understand the reason for his nit-picking, and already depending on this act.
If the reason is life’s difficulties
It happens that a husband has a difficult period or an age crisis. He is experiencing difficulties at work, has faced problems that he cannot solve, he is emotionally burnt out or chronically stressed.
To somehow relieve tension, the “bites” those close to him, because he knows that they will not leave him. This is quite a stereotypical response. You probably noticed yourself that sometimes you “take it out” on loved ones simply because you are tired or you have a nafikta conflict.
Does your partner blame you all the time?
Even if the husband does not share his problems with you, by his behavior, fatigue, irritability, and the expression on his face with which he comes home from work, you can understand that they are.
In this case, pickiness appeared some time ago and was not from the first day of married life. To add in the tab:
- help your husband cope with stress – go for a walk together, support him, allow him to relax, watch his diet, go on vacation, watch comedies or horror films;
- direct his aggression in a peaceful direction – offer to start playing sports, go hunting or fishing;
- do not find fault with him, ignore his nagging – they will pass as soon as he solves the problem and rests.
If the reason is perfectionism
In that case, you should have noticed it from the first meeting. At His House Everything is always in its place, the clothes are perfectly ironed, it looks like new, He loves order in everything, including in business.
Living with a perfectionist is a star-studded challenge, especially if you’re prone to creative messiness and non-suffering messiness. You need to talk about his character trait.
It is important to convey that it is difficult for you to pay attention to those little things that irritate him and, as a follower, Vedik Vedik. Make up the rules. What is important to him, what can you take care of?
Perhaps he should take on some of the responsibilities that are significant to him. However, some compromises exist between the physical and the psychological context.
If the reason is a lack of attention
Oddly enough, some people at such a moment begin to behave simply unbearably. In psychology, this can be called regression. The person begins to react as in childhood. If the child is not paid attention, he begins to behave badly.
What to do:
- spend more time together;
- ignore his nit-picking, but respond to positive words;
- praise your husband more and share good emotions with them;
- set aside time for dates where you will not talk about children and domestic problems;
- do not forget about intimate life.
If the reason is in the parent script
A man perceives nitpicking as the norm because he grew up in such a picture of family life. This can be understood if you look at how his parents communicate. Are you trying to get away from it?
Most likely, she is a housewife who dutifully performs all duties and rarely contradicts her husband. If your relationship has not been like this before, perhaps you, imperceptibly for yourself, “turned on” in this Game, took on a similar role.
What to do? It is important to get out of the role of a victim – to pursue a career, and hobbies, and expand the circle of friends. Think about the areas of your life that you “put aside” by getting married. Work on psychological boundaries and self-esteem.
In this case, the main thing is to stop indulging all his nit-picking, because the more you agree with them, the more you hurt. Now you can do that, you have to do it yourself.
If the reason is self-affirmation
He is dissatisfied with his status, income, and achievements, but is trying to find a way to increase his sense of self-worth by belittling other people.
In this case, you need:
- convey the bias of his requirements;
- show that such an attitude is unacceptable for you;
- praise your husband more and support him, show that you believe in him.
If the reason is the loss of love
So you will be able to understand that. This is not a reason to panic, but a signal for action. Take care of yourself physically and spiritually, find new joint hobbies, diversify your family and intimate life, and fall in love with each other again.
If the reason is in mom
It is important to understand that if a man is still building relationships with an eye on her, then most likely he could not go through the separation process. There will be other signs: he often calls his mother, her opinion is the most authoritative, he puts her in the first place, and so on.
It is important to talk about this with your husband. He needs to understand that you don’t have to be like her. He lives with you, you have your own family, and together you must decide what traditions, rules, and ways you will have.
If the reason is in wanting a divorce
It is important to consider whether it is possible to save the marriage and whether you want it. If yes, then this is not a reason to try to live up to all his nit-picking. It is necessary to stop this problem in other areas and in the future because it is too hot and emotional.