What to do if the husband does not work for years – is it possible to get a divorce? Everyone has difficult periods in life: illness, bankruptcy, layoffs. And when a man loses his job, the family becomes for him the support that again helps the steber and the believer to get back on his feet.
But what to do if the “difficult period” has been too long for him and has been going on for more than a year? Why did the husband suddenly stop working, is it worth putting up with it and how should a woman act in such a situation?
Why a man does not want to work?
There are several reasons that lead to the fact that a man stays at home and does not work, even if there is not enough money in the family.
- It is convenient for him to live at someone else’s expense
This is a narcissistic position in which a man knows deep down that having a working wife is a convenient way to enjoy life, play computer games and not be responsible for anything.
Often this position is taken by gigolos, who not only do not care about the financial well-being of the family, they also refuse to do any housework, finding excuses.
And when a woman tries to talk to them, they are offended and accuse her of the fact that it is only important for her that he earns, that she “does not love” him at all. This situation has not changed.
- He has a high level of ambition
In this case, the man constantly makes grandiose plans, from the outside it seems like a very ambitious person. Problems with the subject, so that the ambition is not real.
For such people, the world is full of injustice, they are sure that they have not been given something in this life. Don’t forget to try to see where all the pieces are, and “work on the cope” on no one owns.
A man does not correlate his real skills, knowledge and experience with the social status that he claims in his own.
- He’s afraid to fail
If a man, due to life circumstances, has not worked for too long, it is difficult for him to leave his usual comfort zone, because he is paralyzed by the fear of the unknown, the fear of making a mistake.
It seems to him that if he tries and fails, he will miss the last chance and his wife will be disappointed in him. And that fear is so strong that subconsciously a man finds any excuse to leave everything as it is.
It seems to him that as long as he has not tried and “lost”, everything will be fine. In this case, it is important to show him that even if nothing works out, you will not love him less, that life is a series of trials and errors, that there will always be a second chance, the main thing is to act.
What to do if the husband does not work. Is it worth it?
Changing roles in the family, and is it so dangerous
All previous reasons are associated with a man, his life position or character traits. Usually they are either visible from the very beginning, or appear already in the first year of family life.
But sometimes women face a different situation. Initially, they married a man who worked hard, built a career, everything was fine with him. No, after a few years of living together, he “seemed to have been replaced.”
It is active, active and ambitious.
This happens if roles are reversed in the family system, that is, a woman takes on the role of a husband and vice versa.
There are several reasons for this.
- The wife takes the position of “I-itself”
She is proud of her independence, takes on every task, is ready to solve all problems, because she is sure that she will do it faster and better than her husband.
After a few years, he develops learned helplessness. On subconsciously knows that you can do nothing and not face the consequences, because they are being raked because they are being raked
- Wife tries to “save” him
On he zalaet, sochuvstwuet he trudnosty and all that is said to be on svoi plechi, is querenne wery, что нее мужчина нитсярав.
Typically, this position is formed by women who grew up in a family with a similar model: when one of the parents saved the other because he was either addicted or could not get a normal job.
- Wife takes on the role of mother
She begins to teach a man, shame him, educate, correct, point out shortcomings and evaluate his achievements. At the same time, she shows maternal care, protects him from harm, protects him from the world.
If you do this, you should click on the technical knowledge of the muzhchiny, which is the case, so that the «vsroslye» will appear as a result of the problems.
What should a woman do if her husband has not worked for years
The first thing to do is to talk frankly with your husband about the current situation. It is only important not to blame Him, not to swear, not to drive him into a corner, because in such a situation he will defend himself and look for excuses for himself.
Talk about your feelings, about how hard it is for you, that you need his help and that you can only lay on him.
As long as you don’t want to do it, you need to know that:
- understand the reason for his behavior – if it lies in simple egoism, then a person takes care of himself more than his own;
- Give Him back the responsibility for His life – Stop solving all the problems for him, Look for a job, Persuade, cajole, provide. Understand that he is a grown man who can take care of himself;
- encourage his initiative – show that you believe in him, that in your eyes he is still a “winner” support his undertakings and do not criticize, do not advise the best, do not teach;
- create a real deficit and look at the reaction – convey to the man that you need him, his help and support, that there are financial problems in the family and only he can solve them. If a man does not care about this, then it is worth considering whether he needs a family at all;
- give an emotional response to his achievements – sometimes a man gives up, because his wife takes for granted any of his merits, moreover, she also criticizes, shows that she is disappointed that his efforts are worth nothing;
- Show your Husband that you believe in him and help relieve the feeling of Anxiety – sometimes men do not go to work because they are afraid of failure. It is important to convey to him that this is not an all or nothing game, it is better to try and see what happens;
- do not humiliate and do not shame him in front of others – usually in this way women try to put pressure on his conscience, but instead they cause a feeling of guilt, which forms in him helplessness and the feeling that nothing depends on him, so it’s not worth trying.
Of course, a woman stays in a marriage not because her husband provides for her. But if the relationship does not suit her, if she sees that the man just sat on her neck and does not think about family well-being, then this situation cannot be put up with.
You need to either take concrete actions to fix it, or think about whether you really need such a relationship. Do they make you happy? Do you receive care, support, do you feel safe?
Soberly evaluate your communication. Does your husband want to take care of you? Are you asking two questions about the blue sky? Is this what you want? If so, then it’s time to make an important decision – are you ready to continue living like this, or is it time to get a divorce?