What to do if You Cheated on Your Husband? If a woman cheated on her husband, the couple’s life together will no longer be the same. And it doesn’t matter if the spouse finds out about it or not. However, if change cannot be avoided, is it worth in principle to admit to your mistake? And are these changes always negative? How to behave after infidelity in such a way as to minimize the damage done to your husband and yourself?
What to do if you cheated on your husband?
It’s already happened. It does not matter why exactly – the husband did not pay attention, insulted, was bad in bed, or the circumstances just happened. There has been a change and something needs to be done about it. As a rule, a woman immediately has a feeling of guilt, a desire to confess everything and at the same time fear to do so.
Inside – a mess of fragmentary thoughts, seasoned with seething emotions. With such a set, it is very easy to make even more mistakes. How to avoid it? What is better to do even before a frank conversation with your husband or a decision to remain silent about everything?
1. Pull yourself together.
It is very difficult to achieve calmness in such a situation, but without it it will not be possible to rationally think everything over, to find the optimal solution. It is better to go somewhere for a couple of days, so as not to be near your spouse. His presence will greatly interfere. You can visit your parents, spend the night with friends, go on a business trip or just book a hotel room. Here’s what you definitely shouldn’t do:
- run to a lover for solace. It is unlikely that he will be a reliable “accomplice” and a good adviser;
- ask friends for help. You still have to solve the problem yourself. Do not shift the responsibility for this decision to others. In addition, one of the friends may turn out to be a great “moralist” and tell her husband about everything ahead of time;
- dedicate to all parents. They will begin to worry and, quite possibly, will give the wrong advice. And it will also be shifting responsibility.
To calm down a little, it is advisable to try to perceive your act not as the end of the world, but as another everyday problem like unpaid bills, a quarrel with your husband, or an approaching deadline at work. In fact, everything is so, but here the moral and spiritual component, the feelings of a third party, are affected. That’s why guilt feels so poignant.
What to do if You Cheated on Your Husband?
2. Find out the reasons.
Why is this necessary if the betrayal has already occurred? To understand whether it makes sense to continue to try to save the family. Obviously, if the cause of adultery was domestic violence by a spouse, then it is useless to fight for such a relationship. Even if there are children, love, a common mortgage.
It is unlikely that the fear of loneliness and betrayal as a result of self-doubt can be called serious incentives. Relationships like this won’t last long.
In what other cases is maintaining a marriage after infidelity, not the best solution?
- Explicit mutual cooling. Moreover, a sign of such a situation is not quarrels at all, but, on the contrary, complete calm.
- Serious problems that the couple has already tried to solve, but unsuccessfully. For example, “they didn’t get along” can cause a divorce if the spouses have already tried to compromise or turned to a specialist for help, but did not get the desired result.
- New love. Not an affair or a simple romance on the side of boredom, namely the desire to live with another person.
- Complete unwillingness to be faithful. Why hide in corners, waste your husband’s time, if you can get a divorce and do whatever you want, as a free woman?
- Spouse indifference. If before betrayal he ignored the feelings, interests of his couple, then waiting for him to suddenly become caring, attentive is a waste of time.
Another thing is if the betrayal occurred unintentionally – under the influence of alcohol, for example. Or if, regardless of the reason for the infidelity, everything is perceived as a mistake, causing shame, guilt, a desire to never repeat this. A sincere desire to save the family can later play a big role. This is the main trump card of those who stumbled, but want to fix everything.
What to do if You Cheated on Your Husband?
3. Get tested for STIs and HIV.
Even if the lover turns out to be a childhood friend, about whom almost everything is known, this is not a reason to forget about caution. What to say about a random partner. “Problems below the belt” are not always discussed even with the closest. In addition, they are not always known, since many of these diseases are asymptomatic at first.
A timely trip to the gynecologist/venereologist, passing the appropriate tests are actions that can really prevent the development of new problems.
4. Buy a pregnancy test.
regardless of contraception. Condoms, OK, coil, suppositories, and even all of these together can fail. And if a girl cheated on a guy under the influence of surging emotions, then contraceptives are almost the last thing she thought about at that moment.
Naturally, it makes no sense to run for tests immediately after sex. It is better to purchase them on the eve of the expected cycle.
It is important to know the result, since cheating without pregnancy is one problem, and with it, it is completely different, and the methods for solving it will be different.
How to proceed?
It is impossible to answer unambiguously, since each case is purely individual and includes specific features. Therefore, an obvious solution for one couple can be a disaster for another. In many ways, everything depends on personal beliefs, the reason for adultery, the character, worldview of the husband, the presence of children in the family, even on the financial situation.
However, you can determine the pros and cons of each decision, understand which way out will be optimal specifically for your marriage.
What to do if You Cheated on Your Husband?
Option 1. Tell.
This is perhaps the most risky option, since not every man is ready to forgive betrayal, even despite strong feelings. I.e the main disadvantage of this solution – a huge risk of losing everything.
Another problem (provided that the husband still decides to save the marriage) is a difficult path to recovery. Long conversations, discussion of reasons, full disclosure of feelings, visits to a family psychologist – all this is very exhausting. It is possible that there will be breakdowns from both sides: quarrels, accusations, desire, and attempts to stop everything. This path is clearly not for the weak or unsure of their choice.
However, for those who are firmly convinced that they want to return happiness to family life, this solution has its advantages:
- loss of the need to lie, hide, worry about your lies, its disclosure;
- the chance that sincerity, efforts to get forgiveness will be noticed, appreciated;
- careful study of the cause of adultery, its exclusion (yes, the spouse will also have to make efforts).
Two recommendations for this option. First: you can not require a husband to “report”. Knowing about her betrayal, the wife may begin to suspect her husband of the same. At the same time, she worries about every reason: she came home from work 10 minutes late, dropped the call, changed her haircut, smiled at SMS, etc. All these signs do not yet indicate a betrayal, but the wife immediately begins to “nag”, which sets her up husband against himself.
Second: You can not “bend”. Yes, betrayal is a serious mistake, after which it will take a long time to regain trust. However, it does not require groveling, service. Such behavior can cause only two emotions – pity or disgust. Therefore, it is important to say that it was a wrong act, for which it is very regrettable. But you can not take on the role of a slave and humiliate yourself. It will only alienate the husband.
Option 2. Forget.
The most common choice, but women perceive it as personal hard labor. “I cheated, now silence and fear will be my punishment”. Because of this, many then begin to feel like victims, although they themselves make themselves as such. Therefore, the advice for those who have chosen this path is to work on self-forgiveness. It is equally important to try not to repeat such an offense, otherwise, there is no point in trying to save the family.
Main cons – fear of revealing the truth, suspicion on the verge of neurosis, the low probability that the cause of adultery will disappear. Advantages of choosing:
- the ability to save the marriage and the previous situation if the husband does not guess about the betrayal;
- losing the need to go through hardships in an attempt to rebuild trust;
- wisdom, experience (only if a woman will continue to learn to think about the consequences of her actions and be able to forgive herself).
Option 3. Leave.
The option is suitable for those who no longer want to maintain a relationship or are sure that they will not be able to forgive themselves for their mistake. Whether to confess to a spouse in treason is, again, an individual decision. You can tell, write a letter, give a hint, or even hide everything in order to avoid difficulties during a divorce.
The advice there is only one thing about this decision – to find a good lawyer if you can’t solve everything with your spouse on your own / peacefully and there are children or property in common.
What should I do if I cheated and am now pregnant?
Double-check the result three times, and be sure to see a doctor. If anything, he will say the approximate gestational age, which will help to find out whose child it is – a husband or a lover.
If the father is not the spouse, then the “silent and forget” method will no longer work. Firstly, the husband may notice a difference in appearance or immediately figure out that the child is not his, especially if the bedroom has been quiet for a long time. Secondly, the lover may want to lay claim to the “heir”. In such a situation, there are three options:
- tell and hope for miracle mercy,
- go away and raise the baby by yourself,
- divorce your spouse, get together with your lover.
It is better not to consider the option of abortion at all, since it is extremely dangerous for health and very difficult to hide from your husband. And not every doctor will agree to such an operation, even for a lot of money, which still has to be obtained somehow. This is not a solution. This is a new problem.
If the father is the husband, then the chances of saving the marriage are significantly increased. But only on condition that there is a desire to do so. Otherwise, it is better to immediately file for divorce and find out about alimony. A lover is unlikely to provide for someone else’s child.
A wife who cheated on her husband does not always think about the reasons for her act. And in vain. Cheating is both family and personal. Because of it, not only marriage can be destroyed, but also self-respect. What to do after is a personal choice. However, one cannot focus only on the restoration of the family. Once there was a betrayal, perhaps the current relationship is not so important. What if the unpleasant feeling inside is not so much a feeling of guilt as an elementary fear of being alone?
What to do if You Cheated on Your Husband?
