Why a guy won’t stand up for you and what to do about it? In a relationship, trust, security, and mutual support are important. Sometimes partners can even go against their families, defending the well-being of the satellite. We have seen this more than once with Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. The Duke of Sussex was often accused of betraying his family. Meanwhile, the prince himself noted that for him the most important thing was the happiness of loved ones, namely his wife and children.
Not everyone is capable of such a return, and sometimes it is natural. We figure out what to do if you are hurt by the partner’s unwillingness to be on your side.
Why your partner won’t stand up for you
Most often, says relationship expert Amika Graber, this is due to the fact that the guy at this time is forced to choose between his beloved companion and loved ones whom he has known for many years. Even if the partner is ready to put a stranger in his place, it will be difficult for him to argue with friends or family members.
From here we move on to another reason: the inability to stand your ground. A person who does not seek to protect his loved ones is often not sure of his actions himself. Perhaps he feels the same anxiety and despair as you, and they make him literally freeze in place.
In many cases, people who do not want to take the side of loved ones have low empathy. They may frankly not understand why the situation upsets you and why it is important for you that the partner is on your side. Sometimes they add fuel to the fire by making arguments that prove that you are wrong in a certain situation – even if in fact you are not.
Finally, the reluctance to stand up for a partner is characteristic of toxic people. Some—for example, those who want total obedience—may deliberately undermine their partner’s authority and give the impression that they are in charge of the relationship. Others are driven by neglect of a partner. Sometimes partners who do not seek to protect loved ones in disputes and confrontations remind themselves and others: “There are two points of view – mine and the wrong one.”
What is the risk of lack of support?
It is unlikely that isolated cases when a partner went into the shadows, instead of protecting you, will say a lot about his character: people can be afraid or try their best not to provoke a conflict. But if such behavior was repeated more than once or twice, it is worth considering whether you are really on the way.
The fact is that the unwillingness to support the satellite leads to a gradual loss of trust. This process is imperceptible, and it can be compared to cutting off the roots of a tree: the trunk seems to be standing, but nothing feeds it. The same is true with relationships in which there is no place for protection.
If there is no support in the relationship, emphasizes family therapist Hanalei Vierra, the offended partner may feel anxiety about tomorrow and resentment associated with questions about the future. This is a natural reaction: a loved one has shown that he can hardly be relied upon. This often leads to a feeling of total loneliness – even if at first glance it seems that everything is fine.
How to convey to a partner that his support is important to you
In everything related to the well-being of a couple, conversation is important. Sometimes there are situations in which you can objectively be wrong, says Graber, but this does not mean that your partner should focus on this.
Although an honest companion is a good companion, it would be great if he did not express his doubts publicly. Team players may not always be in solidarity with everything, but it is important for them to know that they will be understood and supported.
Try to start by telling your partner about recent situations that were related to the fact that he did not take your side. Maybe he doesn’t really understand how hard it hit you. Find out what made him do this: fear of disapproval from loved ones, a desire to remain honest to the end, or neglect.
Let him know that you understand his motives, but at the same time protect your own well-being: your emotions and feelings matter too. Perhaps the partner needs help in separating from loved ones or in establishing boundaries. You can help him with this. The main thing is not to take on all the work. In order for a partner to remain faithful, solitary, and understanding, he must want this. It is difficult to show strength when a person is not confident in his abilities, but working through psychological problems, he will be able to understand that he can do a lot.
If nothing changes even after several conversations in a similar vein and the partner, as if out of spite, does not seek to protect you, think about whether this is the person with whom you want to be further. Life is difficult, and it periodically throws up tests. If the companion is not ready to stand up for you, even when you make it clear how important it is for you, there is a risk that he will not support you even in more difficult situations. Why a guy won’t stand up for you and what to do about it?