Why do men disappear and reappear? psychologist’s answer! “I leave and return, when I return, I leave.” This line from a once-popular song describes a common problem in the relationship between men and wife Admit it, it’s hard to plan for the future or build a family when one of you is a cat that walks by itself.
What did I do wrong? Maybe offended, paid insufficient attention, cared little? Good assumptions, but there is a nuance! Why can’t an adult notify another adult of their decision? And what makes this decision to change – to return? Let’s discuss!
Why do men disappear and reappear?
Previously, the “Contrast shower” technique was popular with many pick-up coaches. If you ask for it, it is possible to say that it is possible, and that it is possible. It was assumed that the period of “cold” is needed in order for the woman to understand how important and significant for her to me.
Women’s curiosity pushes in search of answers. The girl herself begins to call, look for meetings, and when the great seducer appears in the visibility zone, she falls into a hug. But it is extremely difficult to build strong relationships on such a foundation.
After all, first of all, we expect reliability and emotional security from a partner. Here it is important to understand who you are to each other? Let’s say a man behaves this way at the dawn of your relationship. Perhaps this is happening because each of you defines this fellowship differently. For example, you are sure that you are dating. In addition to the room in the room, it is possible to return the milk of the by-products, to the pallet.
No, it’s not like that – the normal word, on the price that is given, on those of interest that are not known. And you already “privatized” it. In this case, the man does not “run away” on purpose. He just hasn’t “come” as one of the main characters into your life yet. Only an honest conversation will help here.
When I “come and go” – tactical
In healthy relationships, we seek peace, coziness, and comfort. This does not mean that everything should be boring and predictable. The point is that we are not worried about a “knife in the back” from a partner, we are not afraid that we will be intentionally hurt. Alas, often “come and go” becomes a consciously chosen tactic.
The man is convinced that in this way it is easiest to achieve his goal. By performing a disappearing trick, he makes you feel how bad you will be without him. The essence of this act: “It would be better for you to fulfill my desires! Otherwise, I will leave, and you will suffer.”
You, unwittingly, offended your partner in some way. He, offended, disappeared. And he left you to think about your behavior, without saying what went wrong. Then he returned, realizing that his resentment was not worth breaking up the relationship. But he quietly rejoiced that he punished you.
- An attempt to prove something.
The goal is self-affirmation. A man proves to you or to himself that he is popular among women, he can provide for life on his own, he is his own master, and is not obliged to report to you. It seems to be a matter of self-esteem, and he understands this.
- Checking the boundaries of what is permitted.
Suddenly, you will not ask where he was, or will you believe in little convincing explanations? So, this is how you can do it! Are you asking about the subject of the distribution? Maybe he plans to periodically cross borders?
- Love test.
The desire to see how you will behave. Such checks speak of unhealthy selfishness. Where does the desire to make your beloved run and worry? Isn’t there enough “evidence” of love in a relationship?
- You are just being used.
For some reason, you’re comfortable with him. We are not talking about love here. More about respect.
“Privet” is a word
The roots of the problem of silent departures and returns may be traced back to childhood. In such cases, the man is not aware of the true reasons for his behavior. He just doesn’t understand what else he could do. Or does not consider that another act in the current situation was possible.
One of the reasons is the trauma of attachment, which was formed in the family. For example, ambivalent attachment: parents in the eyes of the child behaved illogically and inconsistently. To praised, to scolded, without explaining why. Possibly. anger at the son.
Rebenok single and happy rodeley, and boysy. Didn’t know what to expect from them. So that the problem has been reconsidered in other ways with the anti-aircraft field. A man is afraid that the one he loves will hurt him. Therefore, and escapes periodically so as not to become strongly attached.
Such behavior is dictated by attachment trauma and in order to create the illusion of power, control over the situation. It seems to a man that if he decides when to leave, when to come, he is the master of the situation. It hurts him, not him.
Perhaps you are in a relationship with a narcissistic man? With his departures in English, he amuses his ego, and with enchanting returns he generously condescends. They can only be admired! Meet – only with tears of happiness in the eyes and open arms.
Narcissists also “grow” out of childhood. Or they were not encouraged at all, so now they are trying in every way to compensate for this. Or, on the contrary, they over-praised, and in adulthood the goal of the narcissist is to make the whole world applaud him.
Alas, in that situation, a heart-to-heart talk will no longer help. Psychic translations and the distribution of personality of one are not cured by love. These are problems that lie in the psyche. Therefore, only a specialized specialist can help get rid of them.
What to do when a man disappears without explanation and reappears?
Once under such a contrast shower, you experience heavy feelings. It’s important to let them out. You are tormented by guesses about the reasons for such behavior of a man. No location is required, and it is considered that it is not possible. When the storm of emotions subsides, it’s time to think about how to behave further.
- Discuss what happened.
Leaving all the bad in the past is an unproductive tactic in this position. The problem will definitely recur if the causes remain unclear.
- No scandal.
Ask clear questions and talk about your feelings and emotions without accusations. The purpose of the conversation is to hear versions of what happened from your man, and not to quarrel.
- Listen to your intuition.
Intuition and what you could wind up yourself are two different things. Ask more questions if you sense lies in the answers. This is normal, because such behavior undermines trust.
- Understand if you are ready to continue the relationship.
No fact, that’s what you’re doing to the men that is compatible with the problem. So, such disappearances and games of “silence” are rather reminiscent of childish behavior. You have the right not to accept it.
- Work on relationships.
If you decide to save the relationship, you will have to learn to talk about sore, trust again. Did you make a promise that such incidents would not happen again?
The essence of judging wear, why muhuses evaporates without explanation and reappears, is reduced by me to the mobile not ft. No place to visit. There are simply no good reasons to evacuate without even sending a farewell SMS.