Why do people not suit each other, but fall in love? Modern culture actively broadcasts the idea that opposites attract. A rich prince falls in love with a modest simpleton. A good girl is crazy about a sassy biker. A scientist from the outback begins courting a fashion model from the capital.
And every story ends with a happy ending. Is it possible to work in real life? Where did the idea that opposites attract come from? What do people look for in a partner and how is sympathy formed?
Is it true that opposites attract?
This idea did not appear within the framework of psychology, it is simply one of the laws of physics. However, the society continues to be dominated by the idea that people choose their lovers according to their sexuality.
Many are even ready to tell about a real story from the life of their acquaintances, where people who are completely different from each other met and immediately fell in love.
Most of the factors that are considered to be in the form of these two ideas:
- laws of perception and memory;
- genetic theory of sympathy;
- mechanics compensation.
People are more likely to remember things that are out of the ordinary. Suppose a person met 100 Pairs in his life, 5 of them were complete opposites, And 95 were similar to each other. He will remember exactly those 5, and not most of them, because they did not attract his attention, they were perceived by the mink.
The fact that opposites attract can be justified from the point of view of science. Only it is not about the difference of characters, but about genes. The only thing that matters is that the people who live there don’t like it. This is how the genetic theory of sympathy works.
This is due to simple biology – a different gene pool provides healthier offspring. By the way, the body “understands” this by smell.
Psychic mechanical components
Sometimes people look for in a partner what they themselves lack. For example, an insecure person wants to associate with those who have normal self-esteem. And those who are afraid of change are looking for partners with adaptive personalities who easily get out of their comfort zone.
The reason for this is simple – the law of imitation. Subconsciously, a person Knows that if he surrounds himself with Certain People, He will be able to adopt from them the desired habits and character traits.
Do opposites attract?
No this is private. If a Modest Girl finds a “Cool” Guy for herself, it seems to her that she herself is Cool”, in the language of a psychologist – socially self-actualized.
Why Opposites Don’t Attract?
And yet, despite the genes and compensatory mechanisms of the psyche, what attracts different people to each other is Yes, they will be pleased to communicate, they arouse mutual interest, but, as a rule, such an alliance is doomed.
- if a couple has different interests and hobbies, this will not interfere with their relationship;
- if a couple has different needs, worldview, plans for the future, requirements for a partner, it will be difficult for them to maintain a relationship and such an alliance is doomed to failure.
This was also confirmed by research in 2013. Experts M. Montoya and R. Horton, after analyzing scientific data over the past half century, came to the conclusion that strong alliances are based on schopaveti.
This is where the psychological principle of “friend or foe” comes into play. People in whom we see similarities with ourselves are perceived by us as more attractive and quickly call cho.
If a person is similar to You, subconsciously you take His side, you are ready to close your eyes to some shortcomings, you make contact faster.
According to the configuration of the simpat and the number of drug factors:
- the image of the parents;
- the child’s first impressions of communication with the opposite sex;
- first love and how it ended;
- role models that were in childhood – even the first teacher can influence what girl chooses
- human needs – one needs protection and support, and the other in a sense of control and self-importance;
- parental attitudes that give the child an idea not only about themselves, but also about their future partners: “men need only one thing”, “girls are all windy and capricious”, “you only deserve a prince”, etc.;
- The Parents Behavior Model – the girl had a domineering and controlling father, she will be attracted to similar traits in men.
Opposites in love: pros and cons
Pros of opposites:
- partners enrich each other’s experience – the difference in Interests, past, Outlook on life, help to expand thinking and replenish the baggage of knowledge;
- you compensate for each other’s shortcomings – a calm girl “grounds” a nervous or quick-tempered man, and a thoughtful and intelligent partner helps a more superficial and mundane one develop;
- do what the other cannot – your partner can solve the problems that cause you difficulties nat.
Cons of opposites:
- it is more difficult for them to find a common language – different topics for communication, principles and worldview can lead to the fact that you will have nothing to talk about and it will be difficult to understand the position of another;
- they do not have common interests – a person will not be interested in what his partner is doing. For example, one wants to go to the mountains, the other to the sea. One wants to sit at home with a book, and the other wants to go to a party;
- they have a different rhythm of life – one wants to lie on the couch all weekend and watch TV shows, hiding under a blanket, and the other wants to rearrange, plant carrots or ride to a neighboring city.
If a couple has different needs and views on family life, they will have to put in more effort to keep their union together. Then like similar people will not face such difficulties.
On the other hand, the difference in personalities makes them strive for self-development, and the sameness leads to stagnation and the same experience “m.
The same applies to the position in life. Someone perceives the world as a combination of opportunities, luck and interesting people, the other – as a hostile place from which nothing good can be expected.
This means that the first will easily leave the comfort zone, strive to learn new things, and realize their own. And the second one wants stability, uniformity and regularity. And the more dominant personality will influence the other.
Sameness or opposite is not a sentence for your couple. You just need to be aware of the specifics of your relationship and be aware of the difficulties that you may have to face. At the same time, both have positive STORons.
But if you really want to be together, ready to work on relationships, if there are deep feelings between you, then you can overcome any obstacles. Even if the partners are different, the more they communicate, the more they will have similar features. Why do people not suit each other, but fall in love?