Why does a woman think about another man and what does it mean? It is impossible to argue with the fact that cheating is always painful and bad. No matter what corner of the love ring you are in. But what is treason, and how to recognize it before the irreparable happened? Emotional attraction, fleeting interest, or simple and banal “my husband returned from a business trip, and we are in a negligee”? Can it be considered a betrayal of the thought of another man?
Why does a woman think about another man and what does it mean?
Myths about monogamy
The fact that you periodically think about other men, pay attention to them on the street and are ready to participate in the discussion of a new handsome colleague, does not make you an insidious traitor. Everyone from time to time allows themselves to take a closer look at others, this is absolutely normal. The most common myth about monogamy is that relationships will always be effortless, you will never get bored with each other, your partner will not disappoint you, and other people automatically become unattractive and uninteresting in your eyes.
Even if you love your man very much, this does not mean that your colleagues, friends or random passers-by are sexless creatures. And one day you want to imagine what it’s like to be around someone else who never forgets to take out the trash, who doesn’t need to be reminded 100 times to pick up a coat from the dry cleaners, and whose finances allow you to take you to the Maldives twice a year.
Cheating is not always an unequivocal fait accompli that divides life into before and after. Apart from an obviously bad act like having sex on the side, the interest in another person can go beyond the desire for physical intimacy. For example, various emotional and spiritual attachments are a gray area, that is, they can cause serious problems, but most often they do not diverge because of them, because it is not clear to whom and when to make claims.
Why are thoughts about another man dangerous if you have never touched each other and you have no plans to get closer? It’s very simple: it’s confusing. A woman spends more energy on maintaining an emotional connection than a man, and even if in fact you are not bound by any obligations, this can be considered a “virtual” relationship.
Desires attract opportunities. You cannot be 100% sure what you would do if your circumstances changed in an unexpected way. What if you are unhappy and use thoughts of another as a shield from reality?
How to know if your thoughts have gone too far
Ask yourself a few questions to clarify the situation. The more affirmative answers, the more serious the problem.
- Do you look around too often?
Human nature dictates: make sure that the most beautiful and strongest male is next to you. There is nothing wrong with paying attention to an unusual hairstyle or pumped up biceps. But if you catch yourself actively looking at the opposite sex even in the presence of your lover, this may indicate that your relationship does not suit you.
- Do you fantasize a lot about people who don’t make a big deal in your life?
No, thinking about someone else is not cheating, but constant fantasies are a wake-up call. It’s one thing to wake up in the middle of the night because of an erotic dream, the main character of which was not your partner, but a new acquaintance. The subconscious cannot be controlled. And it’s quite another when, going to bed, you look forward to tomorrow’s meeting over a cup of coffee.
- Do you feel the need to hide your communication from your partner?
It may be your childhood friend or a new trainer at the gym, but you find that your conversations have become more frank and go far beyond friendly or professional interest. You feel guilty, pretend that nothing is happening, but just in case, put the phone face down.
- Are you playing?
Having replayed a colleague’s proposal to have lunch together several times in your head and mentally “going” to a meeting, it begins to seem to you that nothing bad will happen if you agree. You start to act more relaxed, leave him a personal number and flirtatiously respond to messages.
- Do you devote your free time to fantasies, and not to your partner?
Some people do not understand what provoked them: a difficult period in a relationship or the realization that they are not living the life they want.
Imagine that you and your loved one decide to go to another city for the weekend. The road there is a time for the two of you, for common jokes, plans and secrets. If instead you are buried in the phone and remember the details of the last corporate party, this is no longer a call, but a bell: it’s time to sort yourself out.
How to fix the situation?
Suppose you understand that everything has gone too far, but you have the strength and desire to correct the situation. What can you do?
- Take a look at your relationship.
Are you really happy or are you taking the path of least resistance? What do you not like? What exactly do you think of the other man? If you don’t have enough sex in a relationship, you can hardly imagine how you go to the theater arm in arm with a new acquaintance. Let these thoughts be a litmus test for you, indicating what you both need to work on.
- Think about what caught your attention.
You do not think about a neighbor or a sysadmin in a stained sweater from a neighboring department, namely about him, why? Do you feel safe around him or does he show you your worth? Maybe in these “virtual” relationships you make up for something that could well be solved by going to a psychotherapist?
- Add 2 + 2 and you get the reason.
If your partner has been acting indifferent lately and sitting at the computer until late at night, it is only natural that you gladly jumped at the opportunity to chat with a person who showed interest in your problems. And now he occupies your thoughts. The more you immerse yourself in your fantasies, the further you get from real life. It’s time to discuss with your partner what you both can do to save your relationship.
Monogamy is a choice you make every day. The human psyche is arranged in such a way that you notice around you those things and those people that meet your needs. If you are full, then you will calmly pass by a showcase with sweets, and if you forgot to have lunch, you will smell baking everywhere. Something similar happens in a relationship: you think about a person and distinguish him from the background of others when you see in him something that you lack.
Thinking about someone if you are not free is normal, this happens at least once in any of the strongest relationships. The point is to determine how far your thoughts go to prevent them from destroying your union. Take them as a warning, not as a betrayal.
Relationship Psychology: What to do if you are attracted to another man?