Why does Love become Habits? and What is the Difference between Love and Habit? It all started with sparks that turned into fireworks every time you looked at, touched, or kissed each other.
You could not separate from each other and you floated together on pink clouds that have led you away from reality into the romantic world of true love.
Over time, the passion and infatuation subsided a little, and love grew. Together you experienced beautiful but also less beautiful moments, created memories, and strengthened your relationship.
However, lately, it seems to you that things are no longer the same as they used to be and that your relationship has ended up in a rut. Something is wrong here.
It is quite understandable that the initial phase of falling in love subsides a little and that there are no more sparks like at the beginning. After all, it is only one phase of the relationship that leads to true love.
But what if that love fades too? Why do people stay together in relationships that have become nothing more than a habit?
Have you wondered for a long time if this is all a relationship can offer? Have you reached the part of the relationship where it has become a mere habit?
Many people who are in long-term relationships and marriages will say with certainty that it took a lot of effort and sacrifice on both sides to make it work.
They will also say that any relationship gets into a relationship crisis at least once in its course, which is temporary when love is still there.
However, when there is no love, the relationship is on the brink and only takes one small push to plunge into the abyss.
In these relationship crises, the emotions play so strongly with us and cloud our vision and reason that we are no longer even sure how we feel about our partner and whether it is worth fighting for this relationship.
Is it just that the relationship fell asleep a bit and there is still an option to rekindle it before it’s too late?
When and why does love become a habit? How can you then tell whether it is love or just habit?
Below are all the answers that will put an end to your brooding.
Here you can find:
• Why does love become a habit?
• Love or Habit: What’s the Difference?
• Love or Habit: Can the Relationship Still Be Saved?
We get as much from a relationship as we invest in the relationship.
One of the most common reasons love becomes a habit is because one takes the relationship and partner for granted.
In theory, we know that love has to be cared for in order to survive, but unfortunately, in practice at some point, people stop trying and think that their relationship will always be the same without any investment.
The beginning of a relationship is usually marked by strong emotions and building a relationship is easy.
When the initial infatuation and excitement, which can last six months to two years, pass, we know our partner much better, there is no longer any idealization and the relationship matures.
On the one hand, we feel more secure and stable in a relationship or marriage, but even then the relationship requires more effort to maintain the momentum, which is actually more difficult for the partners.
Whatever the routine we achieve in a relationship, it doesn’t necessarily have to be bad, because we have to feel stability and security and be able to rely on our partner.
But of course, there is a difference between a steady routine and lethargy.
Routine consists of knowing your partner’s lifestyle habits and shaping life accordingly, while lethargy takes away the motivation and energy necessary to maintain a relationship.
This usually means that the partners have fallen into a passive rut in which most things are taken for granted and there is no active feeling of love.
Things don’t get better on their own, but the situation gets worse over time.
The partners try to compensate for this lack of dynamism and love through other relationships and then there are flingies, cheating, and affairs that certainly destroy any emotional relationship.
However, the root of it all is the mistaken belief that love will go away in time and that there is nothing we can do about it to prevent it from happening.
Because of this, people give up, find new partners, or come to terms with the situation because they have some advantages in a relationship or marriage, such as financial security.
Sometimes the fear of change or loneliness is a powerful motivation for people to stay in such a relationship.
Most of the time, we tend to avoid change because many of them are uncomfortable for us. We tend to hold on to things longer than we should just because they have become part of our routine.
Sometimes we even keep people in our lives because they have been around for so long that it doesn’t even occur to us to think about whether we are really happy with them.
In this way, we get into an unnecessarily toxic relationship with our partner that no longer makes anyone happy.
To make sure your love hasn’t become a habit, look at these differences that will open your eyes and let you know if it’s time to wake your relationship from hibernation or if there is no more help with it.
What is the difference between love and habit?
The answer to the question of whether it is actually love or habit cannot be found in just one area of the relationship. It takes a lot more here to write off the feelings of love and belonging forever.
It is necessary to look at the relationship from different angles and in the long run as if some things go wrong for a week, or a few months, or even years, it will not be the same.
Answer these questions and consider your relationship in general so you can figure out if it’s love or habit:
How long have you been wondering if your love has become a habit?
One of the first and most important questions to ask yourself is how long this feeling that your love has become a habit has lasted.
Because, as I said earlier, it is not the same if it only started last week or has been going on for a few months.
If it’s only recently, your relationship may be in crisis due to various commitments, problems, and difficulties that happen to us in everyday life.
You just get stuck, put your romantic feelings aside, and forget that you need to put some energy into the relationship for it to continue to function.
In this case, nothing is lost and can be easily resolved if both sides recognize the problem.
However, if you have had this feeling for a long time and nothing has changed in this regard, then it is not just a temporary crisis, but it can be said that love has become a habit.
How is your communication going?
In addition, communication is vital in any relationship. So the question is how the communication takes place between you. Does it even take place?
When it comes to true love, communication will never be a problem.
Of course, there can be disputes, disagreements, and a lack of communication for a certain period of time, but everything somehow normalizes again, insofar as both sides consider it important.
Good communication solves even the most difficult relationship problems. Now think about how it works for you two. Have you discussed the current state of your relationship? Do you ask each other how you spent the day?
Do you sometimes have a conversation for hours or are your communication limited to basic things, such as who will pick up the children from kindergarten, who will cook lunch …
If the latter is the case with you and you don’t feel the need to share your feelings and thoughts with each other, then that love has unfortunately faded.
Are there butterflies in your stomach or indifference?
Okay, yes, in long-term relationships, it’s natural that the butterflies in your stomach don’t fly around that much after a while.
However, there are couples who say that even after 10 or 20 years of relationship or marriage, they still get a strange buzz in their stomach when they see their partner.
Maybe it’s not the initial euphoria like at the beginning of the relationship, but there is still the feeling of joy and happiness when our partner is around and we can say that this is actually love.
However, if you don’t care whether your partner is next to you or not, if you feel indifferent when he or she hugs or kisses you, unfortunately, the habit has taken hold in your relationship.
How is your love life?
While this isn’t the most important part of a relationship, the love life is still important and it can also give you an answer to the question of whether there is love or habit in your relationship.
Of course, there will not always be the sizzling passion, but there is a difference between whether intercourse has only become the satisfaction of a physiological need or whether there is still a passion.
If your relationship has been in bed for a long time or if your sexual intercourse is only going according to plan and you are not trying to change anything, you may unfortunately only be together out of habit.
Do you make decisions together or do you make your own decisions?
Mutual respect is always expressed in a healthy relationship.
This includes respecting the partner’s opinion, seeking advice, and making decisions together.
Although each partner has the right to make a decision for himself and to organize his life the way he wants, it is still necessary for a healthy partnership to make joint decisions and to make joint plans.
How is it in your relationship?
Do you ask each other for advice and support when you make an important decision, or do you not discuss it at all? Do you care what your partner thinks or did you stop thinking about it a long time ago?
A lack of respect also indicates a lack of love and this can lead to the end of the relationship.
Do you have joint activities?
For a relationship to be successful, the couple must share similarities, even if there aren’t that many.
It’s important to find something that is both fun to do and do together to keep reconnecting, renewing the relationship, and creating new memories.
If this fails, however, it means that efforts on both sides have stopped. When love becomes a habit, people break up on that part of the relationship as well.
They don’t care if they spend time together or with other people. In addition, they spend more time with friends than with their partners and engage in other activities.
It’s an obvious sign that there isn’t enough love between the partners and that they are maintaining the relationship out of habit.
If you don’t remember the last time you did something together with other than eating at the same table and sleeping in the same bed, then be aware that your relationship is just a habit.
Do you put your own needs before the needs of the other, or is it the other way around?
There is no such thing as selfishness in a well-functioning partnership. Partners try to please each other and it is important to them whether the partner is happy, even if this means putting the partner’s needs before your own.
Through good communication and compromise, you can easily achieve harmony and find a solution that suits both.
On the other hand, in a relationship where there is no love, selfishness dominates and everyone is just trying to please themselves.
How does it work for you? Do you care that your partner is happy? Do you compromise or don’t you care how the other is feeling? In all of this, you can find the answer to whether there is still love between you.
Do you miss your partner when he’s gone?
Another important question is how do you feel when your partner is not with you. Do you miss him or don’t you care?
For example, if he goes on a business trip at the weekend and comes back, are you happy to see him or do you care?
Even if the infatuation passes, the love still remains. And if it’s the real one, it will make you feel like your partner is a part of you.
When he’s gone, you feel like someone ripped out and took away part of your heart. On the other hand, if indifference has occurred, you won’t care if he’s next to you or not.
If it is the latter, it means that you can envision your life without your partner and that you would not miss them if you broke up now.
Are you planning your future together?
When a couple has common goals and plans a common future, these two people walk together on a path that strengthens their bond and partnership.
Having common goals gives the partners the strength to strive for the relationship because both want the same thing and struggle together to achieve it.
Are you planning a future together or are you not even talking about it? Do you ever talk about starting a family, about children, living together, or something like that?
If everyone is making decisions for themselves and you are not looking in the same direction, your love has long since faded.
Is it worth it to be in such a relationship where there is no talk of a common future, let alone effort and effort to achieve it?
Love or Habit: Can the Relationship Still Be Saved?
Could you find the answer to the question of whether it is love or habit? Based on that, you can make a decision about whether the relationship is worth fighting for.
If all of this continues for too long and this feeling haunts you for too long, the best solution is to break up.
I know this isn’t always the easiest step because people have reasons for staying in a relationship where love is gone, be it because of the kids, finances, or something else.
But unfortunately, you’re only stifling your own happiness in this way. You are depriving yourself of the right to be loved and to love.
On the other hand, if this is only a temporary crisis and your relationship has gone into hibernation, you can still wake it up and bring love back to life:
1. Talk to your partner
It is always the first and best solution because nothing works without communication. How do you know how he feels if you’ve never asked him about it?
How do you know if he sees a bright future for your relationship if you’ve never talked about it before?
So face him. Express your opinions, fears, and feelings, and ask them openly how they feel.
Whatever the answer, at least you will know if you are fighting for the relationship alone or if you will work on it together.
2. Break the monotony
Relationship crises arise from monotony. If you don’t do anything to get out of the daily grind, it only pulls you deeper and quietly kills our love. So get active. Find time for yourselves.
Find an activity you both enjoy and get started.
3. Renewed memories
If you have kids, find a babysitter and go out to dinner. Remember what you did on your first date.
Where were you? What have you done? How was your first kiss? Reconstruct this date and immerse yourself in your memories.
On a romantic weekend, travel to a place that is of great importance to you.
If love is still slumbering within you, a little charm and a little memory are enough to awaken it and light the old flame.
4. Take a break from the relationship
It can also be one of the solutions to see how you would actually function without each other.
Many couples confirmed that the temporary breakup saved their relationship because they had time to clear their thoughts and feelings and see whether or not they could do without their partner.
5. Consult an expert
A couples therapist will surely give you very good advice on how to bring the relationship back to normal.
So don’t hesitate to seek professional help if the two of you are interested in making it work again between you.
Bottom Line: The transition from love to habit isn’t always bad, as habit indicates that trust, friendship, and deep connection have developed in the meantime.
But there is a thin line between true love and sheer habit, so you have to keep your eyes open and see if the relationship is just in a momentary crisis or if there is no future.
If you still have feelings for each other, it is worth the effort and the relationship should be given another chance.
The key to everything is certainly an effort and will on both sides, because one cannot just hold all the strings in his hands and fight alone.
