If these signs are familiar to you, it’s time to change something in your life.
There is no such thing as an ideal relationship. However, in a healthy relationship, you feel safe, and happy, you know you are cared for and respected, and you can be yourself.
At the same time, in a toxic relationship, you feel exhausted, empty, and sometimes desperate.
What is a toxic relationship, and what signs can help you
What is a toxic relationship
Psychologist Lillian Glass, who coined the term in 1995, defines a toxic relationship as any relationship where people do not support each other, there is conflict, competition, a lack of respect and cohesion, and where one negatively influences the other.
While all relationships go through hard and easy times, toxic relationships are always unpleasant and drain people to the point where the negatives outweigh and outweigh the positives.
In addition, experts say that toxic relationships cause mental, emotional, and perhaps even physical damage to those in them.
Signs of a Toxic Relationship
Knowing that your relationship is toxic is very important for your safety. Not all toxic relationships are easy to get out of, but knowing the signs will make it easier to regain your confidence and identify the boundaries you shouldn’t cross.
Toxic behavior comes in varying degrees. All people and all relationships have some characteristics – but that doesn’t make them toxic. A toxic relationship is defined by its persistence and the damage it causes you. Here are the main signs.
1. Your partner always thinks there’s something wrong with you.
If your partner constantly gives you unsolicited advice about what you need to improve about yourself, doesn’t support your interests and hobbies, and criticizes core aspects of who you are, he’s definitely a toxic partner.
This is why it is so important to always have support in the form of friends and family and communicate with them when you start to be criticized or suppressed.
Don’t unconditionally believe everything your partner says.
2. They rob you of your self-respect.
A toxic partner often finds fault. You constantly hear criticism directed at you. Pay attention to phrases such as:
– I don’t like this dress
– Cut your hair
– I don’t like this or that
– Why do you put on so much makeup?
– Why do you need to meet with your friends? I thought you would stay at home.
– I thought you would cook dinner. I don’t want to go anywhere.
These kinds of comments rob you of your self-respect. You begin to feel bad about yourself and doubt your opinions. Are you tormented by thoughts about what you can do to fix everything?
3. Your partner is hostile all the time.
Constant anger is a sure sign of an unhealthy relationship. You should never be in a hostile environment because it doesn’t make you feel safe.
Ask yourself: Is your partner aggressive most of the time?
If you live in constant tension, feel stressed, and cannot freely express yourself the way you want, you are in an unhealthy relationship.
Most of the time, you feel nervous because you feel like you can’t please your partner or do anything right. He laughs at you or criticizes you in front of family and friends or in public.
4. People are deliberately avoiding you.
Do you feel like the person doesn’t want to be around you? It sends out conflicting signals that confuse you.
He may say, “Of course, I love you,” even though his behavior says otherwise. He may avoid physical expressions of intimacy, making you feel rejected. If you are offended, then you are considered too emotionally dependent.
5. There is a clear power imbalance in the couple.
Ask yourself, who has more power in the relationship? If you can give a clear answer right away, there is a problem.
Ideally, a relationship is a union of equals. Of course, this does not mean that there will be an equal distribution of power in all aspects, but in general, they should be balanced.
6. You are constantly being monitored or overly jealous.
If your partner is finding it difficult to even come to terms with the idea of you not being around, you need to reconsider your relationship.
A person who wants to constantly be around and do everything together, not allowing you to be alone, constantly watching and asking where and when you are going to go, turns your relationship into a toxic one.
7. Your partner refuses to change and doesn’t want to talk about problems in the relationship.
Is your partner open to dialogue? When you talk about how you feel or what you want, does he listen and make an effort?
Quarrels in a couple do not indicate toxicity in the relationship, but if a loved one closes down when you try to talk about what is bothering you, it is called sabotage.
Sabotage occurs when your partner stops listening to you or says they don’t want to talk, doesn’t answer questions, or simply walks away when you’re trying to discuss something important.
In a healthy relationship, people are open to each other, they want to make each other happy and they try to understand each other.
8. You forgot about yourself
Signs of a toxic relationship include more than just your lover’s behavior. Your behavior may also be a cause for concern.
A toxic relationship is one in which you don’t take care of yourself.
If you ignore your time, have to give up everything, and give up personal plans to please your partner, this indicates that you are in an unhealthy relationship.
9. You are insecure
When we are in a healthy relationship, there is a give and take where we bring out the best in each other, support and praise each other, letting each other know that we are willing to take care of the other half and be there for each other when needed.
You’re unlikely to see anything like this in a toxic relationship. If you are in a constant state of uncertainty around your partner, your relationship is not healthy.
10. Your partner never takes responsibility for their actions.
Have you noticed that a simple and polite reminder to put away the dishes almost every time ends in an argument? At the same time, in response, you hear how hard the work week was, and how you even dared to ask him for something. This is one of the signs of a toxic relationship.
In healthy relationships, people take each other’s opinions into account and try to change things. A toxic partner may blame you for hurting you. This is a form of emotional abuse known as gaslighting.
Both can be toxic in a relationship. If you always turn things around so that your partner is to blame, then you are the toxic one in the couple.
11. You can’t be yourself
When you are truly loved, you are loved for who you are. But if you can’t be yourself or don’t feel natural around your partner , this is a warning sign.
Think about your relationships. Your partner may be saying things that make you wonder if he even knows you.
Phrases like “ You’re not that type of girl ” or “ You still won’t understand ” indicate that the person is making guesses and telling you how he would like you to be, rather than loving you for who you are.
In order to maintain feelings and for personal growth, it is important to be able to express yourself honestly in relationships.
12. There is no trust between you
In healthy relationships, trust develops over time. As you get to know each other better and question whether you can trust your partner, their trustworthiness will be demonstrated by their actions.
This doesn’t happen in toxic relationships. The person doesn’t keep his promises.
He may show increased attention one day and complete indifference the next. There is a constant cycle of attraction and repulsion.
13. Lack of empathy
A clear warning sign of toxicity is the fact that your lover lacks any concern or remorse for the way he treats people.
Such a person feels that he has the right to behave as he pleases in order to satisfy his needs, without taking other people into account.
People of this type often try to justify cheating and other actions and may portray themselves as kind and compassionate, simply to use others for their own purposes.
14. You have to hide your relationship from friends and family.
Your friends and family may not like the way your partner treats you, and you fear that they are telling the truth.
Pay attention when, for example, your sister or friend says to you, “ Why is he talking to you like that? ”, or “ Why is he doing that? ”
Your natural reaction may be to be reluctant to listen to such phrases and to deny the problem. However, remember that people who care about you are telling you this.
If you have to hide your relationship from your loved ones, knowing that they will not approve of your choice, there is reason to think.
15. You feel worse when you’re around him.
In a healthy relationship, you want to be close to the person. Not all the time, but quite often. In a toxic relationship, the opposite happens.
Sometimes you think that you are bored and want to see your soulmate, but as soon as you meet, your mood deteriorates and you feel insecure.
Think about why this happens. Perhaps your partner is doing something that makes you feel depressed.
He doesn’t pay enough attention to you, is always stuck on his phone, or starts a conversation with accusations.
Whatever it is, you shouldn’t feel inferior around your loved one.
16. Feeling exhausted
If your relationship feels like your energy is literally being drained from you, this is one of the biggest signs of toxicity. It can also be expressed physically in constant fatigue.
Toxic relationships affect our health, and if you’re mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted most of the time, it’s time to reconsider your relationship.
17. Blames others for his problems.
Remember that toxic people most often have an example of an unhealthy relationship in the form of parents or past relationships that criticized or humiliated them. Therefore, they often have to hide their true colors.
A toxic person often projects their feelings of inferiority onto others, finding faults or blaming them for their problems.
Such a person is in his own illusions and sees everyone through his own distortions. It’s very difficult to trust him.
18. You feel like you’re the only one doing everything for the relationship.
A healthy relationship is a partnership where you build your present and future together. If you feel like you’re doing all the hard work, and even more so if your partner doesn’t notice, your relationship has become toxic.
Make sure you are not the only one involved in your life together. If you feel like you’re dragging your feet in the relationship, it’s time to have a serious conversation with your man or woman. A one-sided relationship will never end in your favor.
19. Doesn’t bring out the best in you.
When you’re happy and in a healthy relationship, you’re confident, you feel good, and you don’t have trust issues.
But, if in a relationship you have become the opposite of who you were at the beginning, your self-esteem has fallen, you don’t want to have fun, you doubt everything, you need to reconsider your relationship.
20. You’re scared and don’t feel safe.
Toxic relationships can easily develop into abuse. If the person you are dating or living with constantly tries to put you down or put you down and you feel backed into a corner, then you may be in an abusive relationship.
In such a case, you need to take precautions to leave the relationship without getting hurt.
If you hear phrases like “ Who else would want to date you but me? ”, or “ I’m the best thing you’ll ever have,” then you’re dealing with a toxic partner.
The person tries to maintain power over you by intimidating you and lowering your self-esteem.
Remember that the longer you stay in a toxic relationship, the harder it is for you to leave and start a new, healthy relationship with a partner who deserves you.