Signs it’s Time to let Him Go
We came to this Earth to be loved, appreciated, and respected. And not at all in order to be abandoned, rejected, or used. But life is a cruel thing, so you need to accept that sometimes you have to say goodbye to those who were so dear and loved yesterday.
Forcing someone to stay or trying to return is not respecting, first of all, yourself. We do it for ourselves – we let them go from our lives. This is their life, their Journey, and their decision … And there is no way you can make someone love you again or change. Even if you endure and sacrifice everything. It will bring nothing but pain and disappointment. Remember, no one can ever reject us if we do not reject ourselves. So just let go and go ahead.
Exhale, step aside, calm down and try to look at the situation differently. Yes, you are afraid of loneliness and tears with pain. But this is not the end of the world: in a few months, you will remember these times only with a bitter smile. It won’t always hurt like this – that’s what you need to be aware of. Therefore, boldly face your fears, do not be afraid of pain, All this will pass. Remain in silence, listen to yourself. Look for your truth. Only in this way will you find the strength and understand where to go. This is the only way you will find healing.
Your pain and grief are real; your feelings are also real; do not run away from them – feel completely and completely, but do not let them break. Learn to let go of what is not meant for you and patiently wait for what is destined for you. Know that you are worth more than agreeing to things that do not bring joy and happiness.
Love is your birthright. You don’t have to jump over your head, pretend to be someone else, to be loved. Love is not something that can be earned or begged for. Love is something that is given because they want to be only with you and with no one else. You just have to say to yourself, “I’ve had enough!”
And remember that no one can advise you what to do: stay or leave, whether this person is suitable or not. Only you can answer these questions by listening to your inner voice – your truth. But, if you are faced with these five problems in a relationship, then most likely there is only one way out – to say goodbye, to let go and move on:
1. He became detached, avoiding emotional and physical intimacy.
Actions mean more than words: if your partner moves away from you and the relationship, then whatever he says is all a lie. Moreover, when he avoids discussing the problems that have arisen, or, even worse, categorically refuses to admit them. Holding on to such a person or trying to prove your case is useless. You will only waste your time and nerves. No amount of techniques and manipulations will help: you cannot return what is no longer there.
There is no “love” that can fix this. It may be time to admit that they don’t want to work on the relationship anymore, and you can’t do it for two. Instead, it may be time to step aside and quietly consider if this person is worth the effort. Believe me, if it’s yours, it will find its way back. But delaying a decision will only bring suffering to both of you.
2. You doubt yourself even when you know something is wrong.
When we become a victim of gaslighting, we are “fed” with half-truths. The facts don’t add up. Doubt. Ghosts. Today they swear to you in love and fall asleep with flowers, and tomorrow – coldness and detachment. If this is the tactic of “conquest”, then it is very vile and dishonorable. Or does it just seem to you? Or maybe not? Perhaps it’s time to admit that you are simply not interesting to your partner anymore. Why and who is to blame is absolutely irrelevant now. It is very difficult to tell yourself the truth, especially when you continue to love this person, but you have to.
The point is that we often continue to maintain the illusion of a relationship by coming up with excuse after excuse for partners. After all, we remember them completely different: gentle, attentive, loving. In the confusion of all these doubts, thoughts, and feelings, it is really difficult to understand how you really feel. Especially if we are told the right words or include such a technique as gaslighting. Their goal is so that you no longer understand who is to blame and who is the victim, why you are so sad and bitter at heart.
Relationships are never perfect and smooth. We all worry from time to time, worry. This is normal. But if anxiety becomes your daily companion and does not let go for a minute, this is already a red flag. If you are afraid to be yourself, to argue, or pretend to be joyful and happy in order to receive crumbs of love and attention, this is not normal. In healthy relationships, people are not afraid to voice their feelings and needs. They honestly say that they are unhappy with something, and are looking for a compromise acceptable to both partners. The main thing is that the partners work on the relationship together, and do not wait for one of them to carry everything on himself.
3. He refuses any commitment and is even proud of it.
When you are told that they do not believe and do not take any obligations in a relationship, then you should know that they are. Don’t make excuses for your partner that they are too young, disappointed in a previous relationship, or embarrassed to talk about their feelings. And do not have the illusion that you can change such partners, and over time they will think completely differently. They don’t want that, do you understand ?! When they say they don’t want commitment, they’re not urging you to convince them otherwise. They mean exactly what they mean.
If you need to convince someone of the importance of your relationship, working for two while he is enjoying all the benefits of a partnership, this is more than abnormal. It’s not you anymore. Remember who you are and where you are going. What you have always dreamed of and what you want. Bring out the remnants of at least some pride and say goodbye. Let him go – this is not your person or your relationship.
4. He promises and … disappears.
The partner is saying the right things – whatever you want to hear. He echoes how he wants you to be happy. He makes grandiose plans. He promises, promises, and … disappears. These were just words: the person did not even think about putting them into practice.
Such people plan a vacation with you at sea almost a year before the trip. They tell how great and wonderful it will be. And then they happily forget. It turns out that these were just plans that did not have to be carried out at all. Therefore, they do not want to and will not talk about this topic anymore. But they have an even more interesting plan … And so – in a circle. The one to whom you are dear, who values your relationship, will always find time and opportunities to fulfill what he promised. Or – will not promise. And the one who remembers you only when you are bored and have nothing else to do is not your person. He doesn’t love – he just uses.
5. He pulls away when you take a step forward to get closer.
The candy-bouquet period in every relationship ends sooner or later. But healthy relationships continue to deepen and develop because both partners try to get closer emotionally. If this is not your person, then everything happens exactly the opposite: every time you take a step towards – he retreats. One gets the impression that he avoids genuine and deep intimacy, is afraid of it. As a result, you feel abandoned and rejected. When you voice this, you hear in response that you are too impressionable and come up with problems that do not exist. So your partner is doing just fine, and you are unhappy.
He accuses you of being too dramatic, intrusive, and categorically refuses to acknowledge the problem. And now you begin to blame yourself that you are really too picky and make an elephant out of a fly. Step by step – and you give up your own boundaries in order to look more “accommodating”. And in the meantime, anxiety is growing in my soul. Anxiety. Doubt. You already want nobody and nothing, you are confused, you are unhappy …
Let such a person out of your life. Was he good with you? So that’s great! He will be just as good with others. And you are worth more than an indifferent and narcissistic partner.
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When we fall in love, literally merge with someone, as it seems to us, into one whole, it is quite difficult to admit that this person may not be ours. When you love someone very much, you really want to believe that it is worth fighting for your happiness a little – and we will fix everything. It’s true, but sometimes fighting hard means letting go. It means remembering yourself and your needs, that you deserve to be happy. This means learning to recognize when it is time to prune the dying or dead leaves from the flower so that it can truly bloom.
