10 Signals From Obvious To Unusual. Feelings and everything connected with them is one of the most confusing topics in psychology. Sometimes emotions are so vague or even contradictory that it is very difficult to sort them out. The thin line between falling in love and love is just such a case. How can you tell if a feeling is serious? What signs of love exist, how do they manifest themselves in behavior?
1. Appearance is secondary.
A loved one, whether he is in an expensive solid suit or in an old dressing gown, always evokes warm feelings. But there are no contrived images here. Every minus is visible – hairs missed during depilation, a nose red from a cold, a tired look, wrinkles, problem skin, and uneven incisor. But all this does not give a damn, because the object of love has become such not because of external data.
Output: a loving person clearly sees all the flaws in the appearance of a couple. But his feelings are not diminished by this. In principle, they do not depend on facial features, body parameters, skin color, eyes, hair.
2. Adoption of character and habits.
It is impossible to find an ideal person or someone who would have identical qualities. In all pairs, there are both common features and different, even opposite ones. It can be difficult to get along with some of the features of a new partner. But loving people treat this as adequately as possible.
“You have cons, but they are acceptable to me” – this is the phrase of a truly loving person. Why is that? He:
- clearly sees all the shortcomings and bad habits, and does not idealize the character, attributing non-existent qualities;
- does not try to change, “train”, re-educate, “correct” the partner;
- soberly evaluates negative traits, seriously considering whether he can continue to get along with them normally.
If at least one of these three points is not implemented, then other feelings are involved in such a pair – passion, love, dependence, worship, etc.
3. Ability to resolve conflicts.
Relationships in which love arises are not a theatrical stage. There is no place for dramas, overblown tragedies, acting skills. If there is a problem in such a couple, she prefers to solve everything peacefully. Peacefully – this is without throwing knives and plates, playing silent, congress to parents, throwing things over the balcony, and screams that only the deaf can not hear.
These partners will eliminate conflicts through conversations, attempts to understand each other, to find a common mutually beneficial solution.
One more fact: prerequisites for quarrels are inevitable. Two people, different in character, upbringing, views, trying to share housing-life-life, will sometimes encounter differences, misunderstanding. This is fine. If there are no quarrels at all in a relationship, this means that people hush up their dissatisfaction or live not with the partner himself, but with invented fantasies about him.
10 Signals From Obvious To Unusual.
4. The duration of the relationship.
Love is clearly not the feeling that occurs in a couple of days. To say “I love” with confidence, you will first have to thoroughly study the person next to you. To see how he is angry, sad, what he does when he is bored, who he calls first to share his joy. Up to what dreams he has and what brand of toothbrush he prefers.
Only when many joint joyful and not very situations have been experienced, the strengths and weaknesses of the personality have been identified, can one seriously think about the cherished phrase of three words. Everything else up to this point is part of the imagination, which will evaporate as soon as life presents a serious test.
5. Stability of feelings.
How often do quarrels with parents occur?
“I was offended, it’s unpleasant for me, but I still love my mom and dad. If they suddenly get in trouble, I will come to the rescue, despite all the quarrels…
How do quarrels occur between lovers who have recently found each other?
“Maybe break up? Suddenly this is not my man? Do I need it at all? If now he begins to ask for help, I will proudly turn around and leave. Let him (a) get out!
Feel the difference? Love is a stable phenomenon. She doesn’t quit, she doesn’t shrink because of a few disagreements or problems. What disappears after the first difficulties is just a temporary hormonal surge, not deep intimacy.
10 Signals From Obvious To Unusual.
Relationships of loving partners do not standstill. They are looking for new, better ways to experience life’s trials, spend time together, express feelings in different ways.
Moreover, love experiences do not overshadow other areas of life.
Do you know the situation when a person is so occupied with thoughts that it is impossible to work because of this? Or chat with friends for a long time without mentioning your object of adoration with or without reason? Or devote time to your own hobbies, not imagining how great it would be to do the same, but together?
This is love. It clouds the mind, distracts from business, creates the impression that everything else is unimportant. And this is a mistake. Because all spheres are equally significant. And it is true love that understands and accepts this fact.
If a loving man decides to stay with friends after work, he will definitely inform his wife about this. Not because of “heel”. But because he understands: the wife will worry about his long absence. Or perhaps she will wait a long time without going to bed or eating dinner without him.
If a girl wants to buy another dress for herself, realizing that the budget is limited and her boyfriend urgently needs a new shirt, she will postpone buying her thing. Because she knows: she still has a few dresses, but his old clothes are no longer good and clearly need to be updated.
To love means to take responsibility for the feelings and well-being of your partner.
The actions of a loving person do not run counter to the main principles of her couple. She respects the opinion of a loved one, be sure to consider him. “Will I hurt?”, “Will it be good for us?”, even “How will this reflect on his/her image?” – phrases-indicators of love.
10 Signals From Obvious To Unusual.
8. Adequate view of the joint future.
“It is too early to think about general plans. First I recognize him/her – then we’ll see” — sympathy.
“We will have the best house, we will always have lunch in a cafe on weekends, and everything will be fine with us” — love.
“For us, it is better to take a mortgage on an apartment in the N district. Our income is stable, the amount of the installment was discussed. We’ll have to work hard, but we’ll get through it together.” — love.
The future for a loving couple looks not only like joint joys, but also like an obstacle course that partners will overcome together in order to achieve the best result. They do not build castles in the air, but take a sober look at domestic, financial, and family issues.
Their decisions are made jointly on the basis of an analysis of the current situation, a detailed discussion of the pros and cons of a particular case.
Lovers give each other gifts, say sweet words, pay attention, because they expect all this in return. And necessarily in the same measure in which they gave. And not a gift/word/look less. And some require a return on interest, taxes, receipts, reports, in-depth audits, other creditor stuff.
- “I do so much for you, change, donate, and you … Oh, you ungrateful!”.
- “Do you remember how a year ago I for your sake … (sacrificial act)? And you can’t even do such a trifle for me! ”
- “I think this: if I try for you, you must also try to please me.”
Those who love give their warmth, care, attention, arrange surprises without “putting on the counter.” “I give you this because I want to please you, make you happy. — the logic of one who understands the true meaning of love.
10. Specific features.
The previous 9 signs of love feelings are common to everyone, they appear regardless of gender. But since men and women, their logic, behavior, role in relationships are different, there are differences in the external expression of this attachment.
It is impossible to call such models of behavior absolutely exact and strictly invariable. Sometimes there is confusion. When girls take on male roles, and guys try on female ones. But, to summarize, most often the installations described below are still true.
What is the difference between the expression of love in men and women? How do they appear? Is it possible to accurately recognize them by external signs?
A loving woman, as a rule, becomes more calm. She reacts softer to acute situations, holds herself more confidently. Wisdom appears in it, caring increases. Often, girls who experience real feelings have a certain pragmatism. Dreams are more real, views are stable. There is a feeling that a woman “absorbs” some kind of male particle. In a positive way, of course.
Character is not the only part that changes in her. The transformation is obviously reflected in her behavior towards a man. She is trying:
- to create coziness in a common home, she cares about almost every detail, but she approaches everything calmly, wisely, without a storm of enthusiastic emotions;
- provide the chosen one with delicious healthy food, and this trend is observed not only at the beginning of a relationship, but even after several years;
- to be more understanding, supportive for a boyfriend/husband, often more compliant.
At the same time, it cannot be said that she directly serves her partner. She has enough worries, hobbies in other areas. But she always voluntarily tries for the sake of the couple, although not to the detriment of her main interests, principles.
A man under the influence of love experiences, on the contrary, becomes softer. No, he does not suddenly start watching melodramas or having a dozen kittens if he has not done this before. But he is more attentive to feelings – both to his own and to the emotions of others.
Confidence increases, often it is displayed even in gait. Steps cease to be heavy, the pace slows down a little, sometimes the step is shortened (if it was very wide before). In relation to a woman, he:
- becomes a protector, he wants to protect his partner from everything bad, he takes responsibility for her safety;
- shows generosity, but not spending money, that is, he will not throw out a lot of money on trinkets;
- begins to reveal to the chosen one what few people share with. He initiates her into his plans, ideas, anxieties, thoughts in general, asks her for advice.
A loving guy doesn’t run away from conflicts or problems in general. He stays to solve them together with his partner.
“Symptoms” and signs of love do not appear immediately. They require time, a high level of awareness, readiness of partners. But if all 10 signals have worked and do not subside for a long time, then a bright and strong feeling has really arisen. It remains only to support it, protect it, not forgetting to enjoy it.
10 Signals From Obvious To Unusual.