10 tips on how to survive a breakup with a loved one. Parting is a small death, as one song says. It’s hard to get over it, but it’s possible. True, not everyone succeeds, but let’s not talk about the bad. We must try to do everything in such a way as to become a phoenix, and not a dull poop in the hole.
10 tips on how to survive a breakup with a loved one.
What Science Says
Love is a drug. The real one. The chemical bonds that occur between lovers produce two hormones: oxytacin and dopamine. They are also produced during heroin addiction. Well, and further by analogy: no drugs – hello, withdrawal! Stress hormones are on the front line. And they love to walk through the systems of the body and arrange a riot.
As a result, the immune system falls like a wreck, the digestive tract arranges demonstration performances, the cardiovascular exercises in wit and shakes the swing of a heart attack. In general, the body begins bacchanalia. It was then that a surge of messages from all the abandoned begins: “I’m in the hospital, I’m dying, I’m in intensive care,” and stuff like that.
The most interesting thing is that physical pain is actually an illusion. These are the games played by the offended brain. So, we get off the potty, remove the bandage from the head and remove Corvalol: everything is in order with the body. We start working on mistakes and rise from the hell of parting.
The Vitamin of Suffering
With any imbalance in the body, vitamins are taken. Suffering is a kind of vitamin. You have to suffer all the way. Arranging an artificial circus Chapiteau, they say, “oh, yes, garbage, I’m finally nishtyak,” is at least stupid. If you do not cry now, then the tantrum will shoot at the most inopportune moment. And is it necessary? Therefore, tears can be given the green light, screams and screams can be given a microphone, serials in non-stop mode, sad songs in the background during the day. In secret, the brain will not withstand this madness for a long time and will stop pouring salt on the wound. But listening to compassionate experts who broadcast on the topic “parting is not a tragedy” is impossible! Let them go through the woods!
Worm of guilt
A worm, he is a worm. Everything is picking, digging, itching. The worm of guilt is the same. Let’s crush the bastard! Blaming yourself is the last thing. The break does not happen in one second. This is not death. The decision to leave is hatched for some time. Sometimes quite long. All this time there is a process of awareness and understanding. And it doesn’t matter who initiated the breakup. Both go to hell. Only one sees it, and the other pretends not to notice the control points. It is then that the awareness of behavioral jambs begins, but the partner could not be silent, but point to them in time. Yes, both are responsible. Let not the same, but both. The only thing you can do to help yourself overcome guilt is to justify yourself.
Returning a partner is stupidity. He collected a knapsack, put on bast shoes, tied a belt and go! Good riddance! First, you have to be proud. Run after him. But this is on condition that the partner dumped into the sunset, because the moron. Secondly, if he leaves because of your jambs, then this is your problem. Previously, it was necessary to behave normally. Hanging weights on his feet, promising to improve, is useless. Trust is undermined and it won’t be the same as before. Yes, and you will not be corrected to the end, breaking yourself is difficult and not everyone can do it. So let him go in peace. This is his right. And a completely different person is waiting for you, who will accept all the quirks.
Cause time, fun hour
So, they yelled, sobbed, there are already bedsores on the back from endless wallowing on the couch, and the butt does not fit in any jeans? So it’s time to come back to life. In the end, go for another cake. But in fact, parting is a great opportunity to do those things that are gathering dust in the “long box”. It is best if these are things that the partner did not approve of. Dancing, gym, assembling a megabike, bungee jumping, paragliding. Yes, whatever. Maybe you had a wild desire to get a dog? Well, get it on! Already possible! In general, do and do everything that caused protest and contemptuous “fi”.
Refrigerator is your best friend
You know, but at the time of parting, your best friend is a refrigerator! Many people say that when they are under stress, nothing goes down their throats. Well, yes, I don’t argue, a plate of borscht looks somewhat prosaic against the backdrop of universal grief. And she won’t help either. What do you need now? That’s right, oxytacin and dopamine. And to highlight these “buddies” you need a yummy! You can buy up the entire pastry department, ruin a McDonald’s or a sushi bar. Most importantly, don’t give up! And don’t worry about your ass. If you move, go out, wander with a mournful face in the park, then she will calmly sit in jeans and not make an attempt to go beyond the boundaries of what is permitted. Yes, nutritionists and fitonies have already started throwing slippers at the monitor, but, damn it, no one has helped to cope with a breakup better than sweets. Just without fanaticism, you need to regale yourself and not forget about sports.
“The road is my home. And for love – this is not the place … “
A cool, sad song by Chicherina and Bi-2 is a kind of clue. A backpack behind your back and forward, navigating a route into the unknown. If possible, you need to go on a trip. Don’t let this be just a trip. Lying on the beach and howling at jellyfish is a so-so idea. You need a trip that will cause an adrenaline rush. Is it a hike or rafting. In any city there are tourists in worn-out sneakers who organize such trips. So go to them! Believe me, when you go uphill, with a 40 kg backpack behind you, and another 10 km ahead, you will not be in pain. And how much pride you grab when you do it! It’s winter outside and you think that the idea of a hike is a failure? But no! There are plenty of winter hiking trails. So do not invent excuses, but get ready!
Burn the bridges
So, the refrigerator is full, the backpack is packed, it remains to burn the bridges. What is needed for this? Destroy all traces of the former love. Photos, videos, things, gifts, if they are of no particular value. Of course, selling a diamond ring, or giving a drone to a nephew will be strangled by a toad, but a handbag or a belt can be given away or thrown away. Photos and vidos do not be sorry. What is their value? Is it only to show the grandchildren a muslin young lady or a dashing hussar. But do you really think that your future partner will tolerate such a memory library? So throw away, tear, erase. By the way, you can print a few photos, remember all the nasty things that were planted, get angry and tear everything apart with pleasure. Into little pieces! And burn it in a bowl! And scatter in the window! Great, right?
Reclusion is harmful!
Sitting within four walls is the worst thing you can do. Remember your friends. Reconnect with those who were evicted by your partner. Guys are happy to return to football evenings, and girls will remember the “golden” days of shopping. So, call everyone who has not been around for a long time, invite them to visit, have parties. Just have pity on the neighbors and don’t be a burglar after 23:00. If you don’t have many friends, then become a volunteer. A great opportunity to find new like-minded people. Volunteering in hospices will show you real grief, and your problem will become insignificant compared to the misfortune of people, there will be plenty of opportunities to speak out to a stranger who will not only listen to you, but also give practical advice.
Do you know that time and labor will grind everything? Plunge headlong into work. Set a goal to become the best employee of the month, come up with an innovation proposal, stay for overtime and substitutions. Such an attitude to work will give a lot: a promotion, the favor of the authorities, an increase in salary, or some kind of benefits. Well, if your company does not indulge in nishtyaks from the very beginning, like state institutions, for example, then you can go to advanced training courses. And you will gain knowledge, and there are chances to change jobs in principle.
What NOT to do
Now let’s talk about the mistakes you can make while trying to get over a breakup.
Remember, bad thoughts have no place in your head! Everything that is happening to you now happened to absolutely everyone. Around you a large number of people who need you, love you. Just imagine what will happen to them if they lose you. It is in the cinema that death from unhappy love looks romantic. You died, and your partner bears this cross all his life … Yes, to hell with it! He carries nothing. He calmly eats, drinks, sleeps. His verdict is one: “Debilizm!”. That’s all he’ll say. The cross will be carried by your family and friends. Or maybe you already have a child? What example will you set for him? That cowardice and weakness are normal? That it is useless to fight and you have to drive yourself into the grave? All this is complete nonsense.
For some reason, many friends begin to advise this particular model of behavior when parting. Fu, how stupid! You will earn nothing but a damaged reputation. You do not need to immediately register on all dating sites. No need to immediately try to build a new relationship. Yes, you need affection right now, the bed is cold and there is no one to cook breakfast. But how many people will pass through your bed, how many will you fry eggs in the morning? It’s disgusting! Flowers don’t grow on a beaten path. Remember this metaphor.
- Leave social media alone
Why are you endlessly pulling the social network? What are you trying to find on the page of the person who left you? Everything is fine with him, he lives a normal, full life in which you do not belong. Well, let it live on! Take care of yours! You just don’t need to depict in your profile how great your life is. And do not try to post tearful pictures and sayings on the page. Firstly, this behavior is from the series “Kindergarten” Chamomile “. Secondly, it will not return a partner. Thirdly, he absolutely does not care about all these philosophical topics. No, of course, if you are now feeding pigeons at the foot of the Eiffel Tower, then it’s a sin not to “post” such a photo. Post regular photos and pictures. No more.
- Don’t play detective
There really is nothing to do, how to arrange total surveillance. Ask friends, sniff out the latest news, look for a meeting, like, random. Bullshit! It’s worse than just trying to tell the new passion of the former or former what kind of “fu” he is. This is the limit of idiocy. But some people do things like that. What drives them, only psychiatrists can understand. A healthy person will not stoop to this.
- Don’t touch your friends
Another point that many people make. When a couple is together for a long time, they have one social circle. It’s about friends. After parting, some begin to claim their exclusive rights to them, to share friends. Do not under any circumstances do this. The environment itself will make a choice with whom to stay. Someone will join your camp, someone will remain neutral, and someone will leave after the former. People have different values, different attachments. Don’t judge those who leave. This is their right.
- verbal dirt
It is strictly forbidden to insult the departed. Consider that the person is “dead” for you. And the dead are either good or nothing. So here. When you built a relationship, it was your choice, your love, your decision. He was close to you. If you start pouring mud on a person, then you will automatically flood yourself. Remember, dirt may not reach a person, but it will remain on your hands. Yes, and such behavior can turn away from you those who decided to stay next to you. Imagine for a second that they are sitting, listening to your lines and thinking about what awaits them if they decide to end their relationship with you. Such verbal diarrhea? So so perspective.
- Don’t take back what was given.
Worse than ever, when parting, the relationship takes the form of banking? Are you a bank employee? To demand the return of all gifts, no matter how expensive they are, is a terrible bad manners. If a person wants it, then he will return it himself. If he doesn’t want to, let them stay with him. Even if he received a car as a gift. After all, gifts were given when everything was perfect. And they gave from the heart. So let them stay there. But you, in turn, do not declare snobbishly: “Take this away …”. Manage things wisely. Are you a girl and do you have a bunch of soft toys left? Well, stomp to the playground and give them to all the kids. Are you a guy and you have a lot of legos? Do the same with him.
Understand that the end of any story is always the beginning of a new one. It will take some time, and you will easily remember this relationship, if at all. You will definitely have new ones that will be more mature, more productive. We all learn and gain invaluable experience, passing such an interesting quest as parting.
How to survive a breakup with a guy? TOP 10 tips