To spy or not to spy is the question!
Reasons not to check your partner’s phone! While modern smartphones are making communication faster, easier, and more convenient than ever, the same devices could potentially be used to hide secret lives.
Your partner’s phone number can provide you with reliable and truthful information about their privacy. This is why so many people are tempted to spy on a boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s a way to keep track of what your partner is doing, who they are talking to, and if anything unpleasant is happening.
However, spying on your partner’s phone can do more harm than good. Here are some good reasons not to check or spy on your partner’s phone and healthy alternatives to spy on.
11 REASONS NOT TO CHECK YOUR PARTNER’S PHONE
1. This is a violation of confidentiality.
Every person deserves a certain level of privacy, even if they enter into a relationship with another person. Keeping something private does not mean that you are keeping it a secret. Some things just don’t concern other people, at least not directly.
Consider, for example, your browsing history on the Internet. Imagine reading articles about your health problems. Does this concern your partner? At the end of the day, you probably want to share your concern, but right now, you might just be looking for advice or even approval on the Internet.
Until you decide to share your concerns with your partner, he doesn’t need to know about it. A reasonable level of confidentiality is normal for most relationships. Some couples may want to share everything with each other, while others may not. This is your mutual choice.
But when you deliberately seek information about your partner behind their back, you are violating their privacy and invading their boundaries.
2. You are actually lying to your partner.
Lying is when you hide specific information from someone else; information that is relevant to them or your actions in relation to them.
Surveillance is one of these types of lies. You don’t tell your partner that you are viewing their electronic devices, their emails, or their social media accounts. You are hiding information that is directly related to them. Any healthy relationship is built on open communication, honesty, trust and respect.
When you look at your partner’s phone behind their back, two things come into play. First, you suspect that your partner is not being honest with you. Second, you are not being honest with your partner. Both are harmful to your relationship.
3 . You trust yourself less and act irrationally.
Suspicion and distrust of a partner are not the only reasons people spy. People also spy because they don’t trust themselves and their ability to be the perfect partner.
Snoopers often suffer from toxic jealousy, which leads them to act impulsively out of suspicion. Their lack of self-esteem leads them to assume that their partner is unhappy with the relationship and is looking for happiness elsewhere.
Although they have no proof of their partner’s infidelity, they believe that their partner is cheating on them. If you are concerned about your partner’s loyalty, surveillance is a dysfunctional way to deal with it. The more you seek confirmation, the less you trust yourself. It becomes a vicious circle.
4. You become the “bad guy”.
Even if your tracking works and you find evidence against your partner, the fact that you used his phone will not do you any good.
The moment you start digging through their devices, you become the “bad guy” – unreliable in the relationship. Not only will your partner think badly of you, but anyone else who hears about what you have done will also.
5. This causes further communication disruption.
Looking at your partner’s phone indicates that there has been a communication failure between you. This would not be necessary if you felt comfortable talking freely with your partner. This in itself is a bad sign. But surveillance can also create additional barriers to communication.
When you choose to spy on your partner’s phone rather than tell them your worries, you are reinforcing existing unhealthy communication patterns. As the walls of mistrust begin to grow, open and honest dialogue diminishes significantly. And if your partner discovers that you don’t trust him, this can lead to more serious communication problems between the two of you.
6. It makes your partner lose confidence in you.
Trying to check your partner’s phone behind his back means you don’t trust him. But that’s not all.
When you spy, you are confirming the fact that you are a mean person. And mean people are considered unreliable people. So, while you are spying because you find it difficult to trust your partner, remember that you can make him lose confidence in you. If there is no trust, the relationship is doomed, because it is difficult to regain that trust.
7. You make your partner feel insecure.
Imagine how your partner would feel if he found out about your surveillance. They will not only lose confidence in you, but they will begin to feel insecure in relationships and in themselves as a person.
After all, you say that you think they are not up to anything good. You assume that they are unreliable and this can damage their self-awareness. They may start to worry about how others see them and whether they have a reputation for being untrustworthy. They will also think the relationship is in serious trouble. Constant reflection on this thought will cause unspeakable stress and anxiety. Do you really want your partner to go through with this?
8. It destroys your peace of mind.
There are only two results of surveillance. On the one hand, you’ll find incriminating evidence that won’t make you feel good. On the other hand, you won’t find anything to make you wonder if your partner just did a good job covering their tracks and therefore need to look closely. Both results can ruin your peace of mind.
9. It can lead to paranoia.
If you believe your partner is withholding information, you will find evidence even if it doesn’t exist.
For example, you may misinterpret innocent messages sent or received from a close friend or colleague. There is a significant risk that what starts out by looking at your partner’s phone from time to time while in the shower can become an obsessive habit.
Tracking becomes a problem leading to other trust issues. At some point, it won’t be enough for you to just check your partner’s phone. You will be obsessed with checking their computer, car, pockets, personal diary, and more. You may even chase them and drive past them on the sly.
10. It’s a hard habit.
It is often difficult for people who spy everywhere to break this habit. What starts out as mild suspicious behavior can quickly turn into something akin to obsessive-compulsive disorder. You may even become obsessed with finding more hidden information, which will make you take even greater risks just by looking at their phone and secretly finding more information.
11. You will probably feel terrible about it.
Nobody likes the feeling of mistrust and suspicion. When you look around, your conscience may tell you that what you are doing is wrong. You may feel guilty and know that your insidious behavior is different from that of a self-respecting person.
HOW CAN I STOP MY SURVEILLANCE AND WHAT TO DO INSTEAD?
Sometimes it’s not enough just to know that spying is wrong. You want a reliable alternative to spying on your partner’s phone. There are several ways to find out if your partner is hiding something from you. Here are some of the healthier options.
1. THINK ABOUT WHY YOU WANT TO SPY.
Do you know why you want to see your partner’s phone, messages or email? Are you acting on past experiences? Have you been cheated on (former or your current partner) and are afraid that it will happen again? Do you admit that you are creating new problems or insecurity will ruin your current relationship?
Instead of getting caught up in the hustle and bustle, take time to reflect on your thought process and why you have the urge to spy on your partner’s phone. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
What makes me do this?
What do I hope to achieve by this?
Will this improve my relationship?
How can I approach the situation without causing distrust?
The answers to these questions are critical as they help you understand why you are suspicious, so be truthful in your answers. Another benefit of thinking about these questions is that your answers can stop you and you won’t act in a hurry.
2. TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT YOUR CONCERNS.
If you are worried that your partner might be hiding something from you, the best thing you can do is talk to him about it.
But you don’t need to blurt out that you think they are lying, cheating, or doing something they shouldn’t. You can approach this issue delicately by focusing on your concerns and suspicions.
By doing so, you avoid their defensiveness. Instead, you can even trigger care. Try saying something like, “I feel very insecure right now, and although you gave me no reason to doubt you, I cannot shake this awful feeling. I would really use your assurances that you are honest and do not hide anything important from me, even if you do it because you think it will be easier for me. ”
No matter how hard you try not to cause trouble for your partner, chances are they will be a little worried about it. But this is much better than blaming them openly for something they may not have done. Most likely, they will confirm that they are honest with you.
While this may not completely calm your mind, it should help for now. Again, there is a chance they will take this opportunity to reveal what they were hiding from you. They can use it as a way to cleanse themselves. They may not have been able to bring it up on their own, but since you started the conversation, they can now tell you everything. If so, at least you have learned about it in a way that preserves your personal integrity.
Of course, there is a chance that they have something to hide and that they will lie to you about it. In this case, you must be aware of the signs of lying.
3. ASK FOR MORE TRANSPARENCY IN THEIR INTERACTIONS WITH PEOPLE.
Whether your concerns are rational or not, you can ask for more transparency in their interactions with others. Your partner may agree to allow you to view their messages, browser history, and call history.
However, there is a possibility that your partner may deny you access to their phone. This does not necessarily mean that they are hiding something from you – it could simply mean that they value their privacy.
If they say no, don’t try to force them to do so by issuing an ultimatum. But you may ask why they would prefer not to give you that kind of access to their messages and conversations. A more detailed conversation about the subject can calm you down in some ways.
4. LOVE YOURSELF. GET HELP.
People who spy usually have trust issues. They don’t trust the person they are with, but more importantly, they don’t trust themselves. If you find it difficult to trust yourself, it will be even more difficult for you to trust others. You deserve to be with someone you trust. This means that you must first learn to trust yourself and your abilities.
Consider getting professional help to resolve trust issues and learn to love yourself more. A therapist can help you delve into your past and find out the root cause of your lack of trust. He will then help you take the steps you need to take to regain confidence in yourself and your loved one. Once you know self-love, you stop looking at your partner as the villain and at yourself as the victim.
5. LOOK FOR SIGNS OF TRUST.
Spying on and looking for reasons not to trust your partner is not the best option when you are driven by fear, anxiety, or suspicion. Instead of looking for signs of torn trust, analyze your relationship and think back to happier times when you trusted each other. You don’t need to search for this data. You just need to think about times when your partner showed you that he loves you and times when you felt safe.
Sometimes, reflecting on the good times you’ve had in the past can help you gain a clearer perspective and calm your restless mind.
6. GET MORE OF WHAT YOU WANT FROM YOUR PARTNER.
It is not uncommon for your partner to become suspicious when he stops paying attention to you. You might think that your partner is having an affair and has lost interest in you, which could lead you to spy on his messages and calls.
But consider the fact that your relationship may have just entered a new phase, which will eventually reach the longest relationship. You cannot expect a fire to burn so brightly after you have lived together for several years or more. Romance shouldn’t disappear completely, but it won’t come out as often. And it’s natural to rediscover those interests that you may have drifted from during those tense early years of the relationship.
This means you can spend less time together than before. And, of course, the chances are that your partner may just be busy and distracted by work or other important responsibilities. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get some of that attention back.
First, you should discuss the problem with your partner, as they may not even realize that you have drifted apart a little. They may be looking to renew their relationship and spend more time with you. Besides talking to them, you can try to interact with them in more subtle ways.
Try to compliment them, try to have pleasant, not depressing conversations, invite you to do something together, and be the one who makes these plans. Make the time they spend with you more engaging and they will naturally pay more attention to you. When they start noticing you again, you may realize that your suspicions were just a figment of your imagination.
7. UNDERSTAND THAT NO ONE IS PERFECT.
Nobody’s perfect. This includes you and your partner. Of course, your partner might have quit their job and didn’t tell you, or they might have used your set aside money to fund their hobby.
But instead of trying to prove their “bad” behavior and poison your relationship, try to understand their behavior and give it a place. If you understand that no one is perfect, you can accept all of your partner’s flaws and forget about trying to sneak into their personal devices.
8. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS AND CONSIDER BREAKING UP.
You and your partner deserve a loving relationship based on trust. If you are doing everything in your power to trust your partner, but you are still struggling, it may be time to end the relationship.
Although you love them, breaking up will be the right decision for both of you. You deserve to feel safe in the relationship, and your partner deserves someone who trusts him.
If you have trust issues that are preventing you from trusting someone, you might be better off being alone for a while and working on those issues, perhaps with the help of a trained professional.
Still not sure how to stop spying on your partner’s phone?
If you know this is wrong and you want to stop but keep finding yourself doing it, you need to talk to someone about what is clearly a problem for you.
FAQ
Is surveillance warranted?
The short answer is no.
Human nature wants to be around people we can trust and who can trust us. Trust is one of the social attributes that helped the ancient people to form tribes and communities. Trusting a partner and loved ones is one of the innermost desires of a person.
Of course, if you have suspicions about your partner, it’s natural to want to sort them out. But you must avoid surveillance and spying at all costs.
Should I spy if I suspect cheating?
No, you shouldn’t be spying, even if you suspect that your partner is cheating on you. One of the main reasons is that your suspicions cloud your idea of everything you find.
You will believe that you have found evidence of infidelity in completely innocent messages. You will see phone calls to an unknown number and decide that this is a lover. Your mind will be overwhelmed at the slightest hint that something is wrong.
There are healthier ways to deal with your suspicions. First, ask yourself if your fears are justified. Have you seen any of the main signs of cheating, such as stealthy behavior, changing your appearance, or avoiding you whenever possible?
If you are not seeing this and these are simply trust issues taking over, consider getting the help of a counselor so you can learn to trust again.
If you are still suspicious of your partner and need answers, you may just have to ask him directly. Yes, it will be an awkward conversation, but it will give them the opportunity to open up. And if they deny any wrongdoing, you will have to either trust them or think if you can live with it.
If you find something, will the surveillance still be wrong?
Finding evidence of lying, betrayal, or infidelity can help you end an unhealthy relationship. Thus, you might think that if you sniff out and find something, you have the right to spy on your partner.
However, that won’t change the fact that you’ve been digging through their personal information behind your partner’s back – whether it’s phone calls, text messages, chats, emails, or videos. This would be a flagrant violation of their privacy and property.
Should I confess to being shadowed?
It is a double-edged sword that can work for you or against you. For example, you can tell your partner that you were spying and he can forgive you.
Or they may lose confidence in you and things may never be the same again. If you have a habit of spying, it’s best to admit that you have a problem and seek help.
If you have done something in the past and do not intend to do it again, you can safely keep this information to yourself.
Did I find my partner is viewing my phone? How can I solve the problem?
Unambiguously. Don’t be afraid to talk about secrecy and dishonesty with your partner – it is very important to maintain a healthy relationship. Tell them how you feel about their surveillance. Together, work out the best approach to disclosing each other’s phone information.
