How does passion show up in a relationship? Fiery, uncontrollable, blind, all-consuming, sudden, sharp, raging – as soon as passion is not called. Such a description resembles a natural disaster rather than an emotion that a person is able to endure. Indeed, many describe it as a typhoon, tsunami, hurricane, and other natural disasters that abruptly and unexpectedly arose in the soul. However, is it as fatal as we are used to seeing it? Or, perhaps, passion still has its “bright sides”?
What is passion?
Passion is a strong impulsive feeling that is accompanied by an irresistible attraction to something or someone. In interpersonal relationships, it coincides with the stage of falling in love, but it is opposed to love, serious long-term feelings in general.
This is rather an egoistic experience, since at the center of everything are the desires of the individual himself, without taking into account the opinions of others. Even a previously altruistic person, due to passion, changes beyond recognition, without noticing the changes in himself. That is why such a feeling refers rather to irrational phenomena. It seems to “bare” animal instincts, bringing them to the fore. When it subsides, the person, as a rule, returns to the usual pattern of behavior.
Contrary to the stereotype, even a person who outwardly behaves with restraint can be called passionate, and does not become a walking personification of depravity. That is, this is not at all necessarily disheveled, unbalanced type with red eyes and trembling fingers. Passion can be experienced deep inside without finding a way out. True, in such cases, everything can end with an acquired neurosis due to the suppression of one’s emotions.
How does passion show up in a relationship?
How does passion show up in a relationship?
1. Vivid emotions.
Passion from the inside is a whole cocktail of hormones like adrenaline, serotonin, dopamine, etc. Together they form a kind of “drug” that causes euphoria, the intensity of emotions. At the same time, such a reaction can be traced not only near the object of experience, but also far from it. Distance exacerbates the “symptoms” by making the person feel an acute lack of a partner.
When people are physically close, touch each other, they begin to feel mostly positive emotions, happiness. However, even in this case, the feeling of “hunger” remains – you want more and more from your partner, expectations, desires are constantly increasing. Therefore, it will not be possible to fully meet the requirements of this “hunger”. If the couple is not together for any reason, negative experiences appear – longing, boredom, pain, suspicion, jealousy. The latter manifests itself most clearly in passionate relationships.
2. Physical attraction.
In the beginning, partners want minimal tactile contact, like holding hands or hugging. It seems that, having received it, it will become easier for them. But, as already mentioned, the “hunger” of passion is not satisfied with the small, it is constantly growing, increasing its scale. Therefore, very soon the couple will begin to feel sexual attraction. It will be bright, almost overshadowing other emotions, desires.
If lovers decide to have sex, it will most likely seem to them almost the best in life. It’s the hormones again. If passion does not happen for the first time, then in fact the current sex life can be quite ordinary, although it will still seem fabulous.
When the veil of acute feelings subsides, the attitude towards sex changes, the sensations during it, the libido decreases to the usual level. Because of this, it seems to partners that the relationship is coming to an end, although this feeling is generally dictated simply by a decrease in the amount of hormones. If initially everything was based not only on them, the couple will have the opportunity to move to a new stage. Otherwise, a break occurs. If at the same time the passion subsided only in one, for the other parting will be very painful.
3. Obsession.
Thoughts about the object of passion become almost obsessive, it is difficult to drive them away. Outwardly, a person seems to become more thoughtful, inattentive, often cannot sit in one place for a long time. As long as there is some important occupation, his control from the outside, a sense of responsibility for him, it is still tolerable, but during periods of respite, obsession intensifies. A few more clues:
- dreams about a partner become more frequent, they are usually vivid, well remembered;
- the frequency of viewing, updating your social networks, mail, phone increases;
- the news that the object of love will soon be nearby, or any opportunity to influence this, forces us to push usually important things into the background;
- there is a slight irritability, or, conversely, complete indifference towards other people;
- the chosen one is idealized, his actions are justified, even if the negative was directed against the lover himself.
Things that are associated with passion take on a new meaning, become important. It can be a piece of clothing, any object soaked in the perfume of a chosen one or a chosen one, her photograph, or a joint frame.
How does passion show up in a relationship?
4. Attachment.
Partners who experience passion for each other practically do not imagine their life as a whole, and sometimes even every day one without the other. A strong hormonal connection with an emotional attachment makes you look for meetings, ways to the maximum possible rapprochement at the physical level.
This dependence is taken seriously, and any attempts on the part to destroy or weaken it cause active protest, sometimes even aggression. Next are a few examples.
- The mother of a minor girl forbids her from seeing a 25-year-old boy for her own safety. The daughter, despite the risks, the logical arguments of the parent, would rather run away on a date than listen to her.
- A man who is advised by his best friend to look at a new chosen one because of suspicions of her infidelity will look for excuses for this woman.
- Girlfriends quarrel because one in an adequate manner expresses her concerns about a new boyfriend to the second.
After the passion subsides, lovers are likely to look at these situations from the other side. They will be surprised how they did not notice such obvious things.
5. Transience.
Despite the fact that passion is a strong feeling, and not a momentary emotion, it is still short-lived. Most often, it passes closer to 3 years of dating or relationship. However, it happens that everything happens much earlier. This is due to the fact that:
- the level of dopamine – the hormone of “joyful anticipation” – decreases;
- people stop showing their best sides, show minuses;
- everyday life, the routine begins, and there is less and less novelty, diversity.
However, passion for one person is not always a one-time phenomenon. Even in a very long relationship, it can be revived if the partners are ready to take on it.
In addition, there is a category of individuals in whom passion is a permanent character trait. They often look for the same partners as themselves, because they start to get bored with less “loving” ones, quickly part. This is a very emotional type, not enduring boredom, dullness. Sometimes infantile, frivolous, although there are exceptions. Life, standard family models are usually not for him.
How does passion show up in a relationship?
Passion for objects and phenomena.
Such experiences arise not only for people, but also for things or activities. In this case, the signs of passion will be different. For example, there is not always a transience inherent in human relationships, and obsession is not so pronounced. What exactly can this feeling apply to:
- work, desire for career growth;
- any hobbies, hobbies;
- meaningful gifts with pleasant associations;
- self-development, related activities;
- charity, volunteering, helping others;
- bad habits, addictions;
- life with all its little things in general, etc.
Throughout life, the objects of passion change. In adolescence or young age, there are most of them, since a person strives to try everything new, he has fewer fears, but more energy. Older people, on the contrary, work towards deepening their attachments, not paying attention to the quantity. How to recognize that a person has a passion for something? She:
- happily devotes his free time to a subject or occupation;
- experiences pleasant emotions, excitement only from the thought of them;
- does not lose interest in them even with failures;
- shows more activity when it comes to these things/cases ;
- wants to talk about them, even if a person is usually closed, laconic;
- passionate about them for a long time (more than 3 months);
- extremely rarely and rather forced to take long breaks in such activities.
During the performance of these deeds or upon receipt of the desired object, the person seems to “bloom”, which does not go unnoticed by others. The absence or loss of passion for a hobby or work provokes the development of depression, which is one of its most obvious symptoms.
Why can passion be dangerous?
A dizzying passionate attachment can sometimes hurt if you don’t know how to handle it. This is especially pronounced in cases where there is only one object of such a feeling, and all attention is directed only to it. If for any reason a sympathetic person, object, or occupation disappears from the life of the subject, he is seized by panic, depression, despair, or complete indifference to himself, to everything that surrounds him. Typical examples:
- an avid athlete who is unable to continue due to a serious injury;
- a divorced woman for whom her husband was the center of her universe;
- a fanatical patriot who is forced to emigrate;
- a longtime collector who is the victim of the theft of his exhibits;
- fired (especially if unfairly) careerist.
The loss of the object of one’s attraction seems to be a tragedy, causing serious injury, and requires professional help.
1. Illusory.
The person to whom attraction arises is not always perceived objectively. On the contrary, much more often his disadvantages remain “invisible”, even if he does not hide them at all. The lover creates an image in his head, and then stubbornly tries to attribute his features to a real personality. Disadvantages are justified:
- not impudent, but resolute;
- not mercantile, but practical;
- not rough, but straightforward;
- not vulgar, but liberated;
- not cowardly, but cautious, etc.
The same goes for classes. The prospects associated with them seem exaggerated, too optimistic. The risks of failure, obstacles, dangers, lack of something important for success are not taken into account.
How does passion show up in a relationship?
2. Efficiency.
Under the influence of hormones, a person becomes more decisive, takes risks more often, but also commits rash acts. In this state, it is easier to make even obvious mistakes, to get into trouble. It is affectivity that pushes people to dangerous actions, breaking the law, even causing physical harm to themselves or others. And passion is one of the reasons for this state.
However, not everyone succumbs to such negativity. Usually, these are naturally emotional people who, even in a calm environment or because of trifles, show irascibility, intolerance, and restlessness. They are more prone to affective passion than calm-minded individuals.
3. Addiction.
In a passionate relationship, it’s very easy to lose yourself, your connection to reality. Living in an ideal, fictional world is easy, safe. However, it is still relatively safe. A person dissolves in a partner, occupation, connection with something. Because of this, he:
- does not notice real threats from outside;
- stops its development, sometimes degrades;
- closes from the outside world, including from loved ones;
- loses interest in ordinary hobbies, limits himself;
- connects his happiness only with the object of passionate feelings.
And any attempts to break the fanatical connection are very painful. In some ways, this addiction can be compared with a drug addiction, which suppresses the will, takes away control over one’s own life.
4. Stress.
All the experiences that cause a strong passionate attraction are very exhausting for the body, the nervous system in particular. A person gives in to depression, irritation, or apathy, changes his habits, becomes alienated from relatives and friends. As a result, everything is reflected in the physical condition:
- a sharp loss (less often a set) of mass;
- tachycardia, tremor, pressure problems;
- dizziness, nausea, weakness, lethargy;
- insomnia, nightmares;
- problems with skin, hair, nails, teeth;
- anxiety, nervous tics, convulsions, spasms, etc.
If you do not try to normalize your life, reduce the influence of passion on it, you can eventually suffer greatly physically and psychologically.
Can passion be useful?
What are the advantages with such tangible disadvantages can this feeling have? The previous shortcomings are signs of an unhealthy, strong, fanatical passion. But what if you “dosed” it, show it in a reasonable way? Of course, there will be advantages in this way, but a new question will arise. How to control this burning, impulsive experience?
- Compare your behavior before and after meeting a person, the appearance of a hobby.
- Analyze emotions, being away from the object of passion.
- Try to remember other areas of life, do not ignore their importance.
- Listen to those close ones who usually give good advice, they know how to be good analysts.
- Keep a diary, write down the slightest doubts, do not withdraw into yourself.
- Stop justifying your suspicions, discomfort, sacrifices, fears.
- In case of serious emotional experiences, contact a psychotherapist.
If you follow these rules, passionate emotions will have a bright side. But what exactly?
1. Hormonal doping.
Passionate experiences in moderation, with a reasonable approach, energize a person. Hormones, especially adrenaline, activate all body systems. As a result, a person’s appearance improves. A fresh healthy blush appears, the hair becomes shiny, the eyes “burn”, the gait becomes cheerful.
During such periods, it is even possible to normalize weight, and sports seem easier, but no less effective. Serotonin, endorphins, dopamine together provide high spirits, good health in general. There are health benefits – immunity is strengthened.
2. Emotional outburst.
Passion allows you to experience many positive emotions – joy, pleasant anticipation, excitement, delight, enthusiasm, and others. All together they give life new colors, they are even capable of turning a pessimist into a resilient optimist for the time of the “passionate period”.
In a long-term relationship, renewed passion emphasizes love, despite the fact that it is opposed to it. It disperses boredom, gives variety, fun, a new wave of hobbies. With it, you can improve your mood faster and for a longer period of time.
3. Decisiveness.
The same candy-bouquet period with falling in love becomes a great start for any positive undertakings. There is a desire to become better, to make your life more diverse, of higher quality. If you do not ignore such aspirations, you can profitably use them.
At first, everything is done just to impress a person, improve your performance, achievements in some activity, or gain access to a subject of interest. However, over time, actions become habitual and, even when the passion fades, their positive effect remains with their performer for a long time.
4. Experience.
A passionate relationship teaches a couple what to focus on when creating something serious, as well as what the consequences of fleeting relationships are. Like other types of unions, they form a new experience that can be used in later life. In addition, usually falling in love with its vivid emotions precedes love, denoting the difference between these types of experiences. This is important, because very often they are mixed, after which they try to solve personal problems that arose as a result of such confusion for a long time.
Passion is an important, fulfilling feeling. It has its typical signs, risks, difficulties, but there is still room for benefits. Despite the attitude towards her, almost everyone obeys her, lets her into her life, because she gives excitement, a new wave of impressions. And, if she appeared on the threshold, perhaps there is no point in being afraid, ignoring her or closing the door on her. Its lessons are no less valuable than the teachings of love or pain. And the passion itself is often located exactly in the middle between them.
