How to avoid quarrels in a relationship with a loved one? “Sarah! My strength is gone! I can’t see you, freak! Yes, look at yourself! Because it is on the side of the sea…”
Constant conflicts, quarrels and screams in the end can lead to serious quarrels, resentment, distrust, aggression and even a break (if we are talking about spouses). Let’s look at the recommendations to avoid conflicts in the family.
TOP 5 tips on how to avoid quarrels in a relationship with a loved one
- Speaking out what is bothering you
You come home from work tired and exhausted. You clean, cook with the last of your strength, and the husband, crossing the threshold of the apartment, immediately collapses on the sofa. Sooner or later there will be conflict. After all, you want another … So that he helps, takes at least part of the household chores.
It is important to have an open dialogue here. Something worries? – Share with your loved ones restless moments. Something annoying? – Tell me about it. Most often, quarrels and conflicts arise from innuendo. Something is accumulated for a long time, hushed up, and then everything accumulated is poured onto a loved one.
Of course, ideally, it would be nice to think in advance how you both see your life together. Who can take on what responsibilities, and so that it is comfortable for both you and him. So that no one feels slighted and unheard.
But if you did not talk about it at the initial stage, then now it is important not to bring the situation to the point of explosion, but to speak out the exciting moments at an early stage.
- Choosing the right message form
Obey and wait for a while. You can convey the same idea in different ways. And in order to avoid quarrels, it is better to choose the form that will not offend a person, and make him listen.
Think of similar situations where the same meaning was conveyed in different ways. For example: a mother yells at a child that he has soiled a brand new T-shirt. Or another form: mom calmly says (or at least tries) that you can put on something less new and light on the street, and calmly frolic to the fullest.
It will not work to correct the fact that the clothes are dirty, and the child’s screams may cause inner fear, resentment towards the mother and guilt that he got dirty.
- Using I-messages
Talk about your feelings, about your expectations and your condition. When you do not express a reproach, but share your inner state, it is easier for a man and children to understand you.
How to avoid conflicts in the family?
An example of an I-message is: “I am aware that something might have happened to / I feel excited when you fte. It’s the same, but with You – the message: “You annoy me / You annoy me when you don’t answer my calls.”
In the first option, you unconsciously penetrate what a person is experiencing, you understand his feelings, and you want to somehow. In the second, the defense turns on, you want to protect yourself, there is a feeling of an attack on you.
- Voice your desires
Surely you and you and your loved ones have different desires. And many of them can be done on a normal day.
Have you been dreaming of making a Saturday trip to the cinema together as your little tradition? Or do you want to include a joint spa in your life? Or maybe you are secretly craving for a couple of hours of separate relaxation, where you can rest for a while om iot
Let this be the first item on your family wish list. Think about what you would like to add. What does your life look like in your dreams? What makes you truly happy and happy?
You can also write separate, individual lists, looking at which, one will be able to please the new sales.
- plan evacuation
Not that you want it to be out of the conflict. And in the moments when it does arise, an evacuation plan is needed. This is the building in the small town of the instrument that is not clear and that it is. Write down what each of you needs the other to do during a fight.
For example: it is important for you that during a quarrel he does not remain silent and does not close, but says at least something, otherwise you get the feeling that he does not listen to you, and he does not care about your words and feelings.
And for him, for example, so that we don’t scream, but try to speak more loudly and more calmly, because it’s slospriothe.
Perhaps at first this idea will seem ridiculous and ridiculous, but believe me, it’s worth it. Even if you need instructions once a year, this will help you hear each other quickly enough, and not inflate a serious conflict out of a small quarrel.
Running away from quarrels is not the best solution, it’s better not to bring them up to them. And if there is such an opportunity not to bring it to this, then it is definitely worth using it. Try to reduce the heat, and breathe well, taking a few deep breaths and exhalations.
But if there is already a conflict, now you know some great tips that will help you not to break each other’s fine organization with loud statements, but to minimize the consequences of a quarrel.
Well, remember that if there are some difficulties that cannot be solved on your own, the echoes of the past constantly remind you of themselves and disturb you – you have your psychologist who will always be happy to help you.