How to deal with a domestic tyrant – how to behave in order to protect? The family is the place where lovers feel safe, know they are accepted and are butted to protect them without a hitch. No, that’s it, it’s actually two problems – two people? How to deal with a domestic tyrant and is it possible?
What exactly can not be done?
In a relationship with a tyrant, the most popular communication strategies that a woman chooses are the most half. Moreover, they only exacerbate the situation. To prevent this from happening, follow a few tips.
- Don’t try to justify it
It seems that a person is showing psychological or physical aggression because deep down he is unhappy, he had a difficult childhood, or just a bad day, etc. No matter how much you find excuses for his behavior, it does not change the essence of your relationship.
- Don’t try to change it
Give up the idea that you can change him – until the person himself wants to change, give up control and suppression, you will not be able to influence him. The only thing you can do is to save yourself and your personal boundaries.
- Don’t try to save him
It seems that the desire to help a “confused” person is quite altruistic and commendable. No such thing is done by those who are aware of it.
While you are trying to save him, you are giving up your goals, desires, hobbies, needs. All this is sacrificed, in the hope that sooner or later you will overcome a difficult period, and the person will be grateful and faithful to you for the help you have given him.
But in reality, any attempts to save another person lead to the fact that you are more and more “stuck” in your roles, and your relationship develops according to the same scenario:
- he shows hidden or open aggression – you find yourself in the role of a victim;
- he realizes his “guilt”, tries to atone for it – you forgive him;
- you try to help him cope with himself, change him – and he finds a reason to break loose again.
If this is what you want to do on a later date. This will happen until one of you goes beyond the usual roles.
- Don’t provoke the tyrant
4 recommendations on how to live with a tyrant husband
Attempts to defeat him in an argument, shout down, bring him to emotions are fraught with the fact that a man’s passive aggression can lead to an immediate physical threat.
You should not sort things out with a tyrant when he is already at the emotional peak, in the heat of a quarrel. And not only because at such a moment he can not control himself, but also because he simply does not hear you.
Being in a direct conflict, it is better to avoid clarifying the relationship, to wallow and beg, you hus in dfter.
When a person is on edge, raises his voice, in order to calm him down, first of all, you need to calm yourself:
- watch your voice, concentrate on your breathing, try to slow it down;
- do not wave your arms, do not go from corner to corner – your movements should be static and calm;
- lower your voice, start talking slowly – thanks to the effect of taunting, this helps to be emotionally exact.
To continue the dialogue, both need to bounce back. Not recommended for those recommended.
- Don’t make empty promises
Often, in order to influence the behavior of a partner, a woman begins to threaten him with a break in relations. For a while, this can lead to the desired effekt, until the man again has a “breakdown”.
But if you did not keep your promise and stayed with him – all further ultimatums will be useless – the man realizes that things will not go beyond threats.
How to deal with a domestic tyrant?
To regain a sense of security and happiness in the family, a woman needs to take a few steps.
- Admit there is a problem
Often the fact that you live with a tyrant is downplayed. It seems that many people are faced with this, that this is quite normal, that there are always conflicts in the family, that the wife is “to blame”, “she provoked”, etc.
It is important to give up self-deception and look at the situation objectively, without downplaying the problem you are dealing with. Make an important decision – you can’t live like this anymore, because every year it will get worse.
- Know what kind of relationship you’re in
Think about what makes you hold on to this relationship, how important it is to you. What do they give you. And how much they take. How often do you sacrifice yourself, your desires and needs, and is it worth it.
It is also important to realize what exactly brought you into this relationship. Often people who find themselves married to a tyrant are initially predisposed to wear.
Perhaps being with this person is not a conscious choice, but just a family scenario. Realizing this will help you find the strength in yourself to get out of it.
- Come back to yourself
You need to gain psychological independence from the domestic tyrant. It is important to remember that there is you, and there is he. You are two separate people.
- clearly distinguish between him and your responsibility for problems in the relationship, do not take the blame for his actions;
- remember that you are an adult, independent person, you are worthy of love, care, support;
- increase your self-esteem – praise yourself and your achievements, do something that inspires you;
- get support from others – restore lost social contacts, communicate with friends and relatives;
- distance yourself from your partner – visit your parents on the weekends, or go on vacation. If you don’t know, you can’t see it;
- remember your dreams, desires and plans – return to those that you abandoned.
Believe in yourself
Relationships with a domestic tyrant form a learned helplessness in a person, because for a long time another person controlled your whole life, made decisions for you. If this is the case, it is not necessary.
But this is a self-deception that your spouse has long instilled in you in order to make you dependent on him. The only seems, that it is in this way that it is possible to see it that is new.
In fact, it depends on you what your life will be like. And only your actions can lead to positive changes. As long as you wait for everything to resolve itself, nothing will change.
Contact with partner
Figure out what you don’t like about the relationship. It is best to find specific situations or examples. In a calm environment, when neither you nor your partner are in a state of STRESS, you need to talk to him.
Clearly, calmly, with the help of “I-messages”, convey to your partner what exactly you do not like in your relationship. Talk about the negative feelings you are experiencing. Don’t attack, don’t criticize, just talk about the facts, try to be specific.
Be firm in your intentions – say that if nothing changes, you will not be able to continue to stay with him. The main thing is to be ready to fulfill your promise.
A healthy relationship between a man and a woman is largely built on a sense of security and trust. If you do not get this, then you should think about how valuable this relationship is for you.